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no wedding invite

(89 Posts)
rubybleu2 Fri 20-May-16 14:03:51

An old friend of ours, who we meet with maybe once a year at an annual charity bash, sent us a message around christmas announcing her plans to marry, telling us she would love us to be part of her day,and at the beginning of the year sent us a 'save the date' card, asking us to keep August bank hol weekend free, (night before drinks/ breakfast the morning after, no actual details such as venue or times), and a link to a shop website & gift list, as its over 200 miles each way, we decided to book to stay over 2 nights,(I'm sure the bride would be aware of the booking through mutual friends) and purchased a e voucher from the shops website as a gift, which I'm sure she would be able to see this...... since then I've noticed the odd comment on facebook 'wedding budgets suck' 'If only I could afford my dream cake' etc..... we are yet to receive a formal invite, I'm thinking we may have been culled in the budget? Do u think if we were going, we would of have had the invite by now, or is it too soon ? should I wait a while before I ask ? I would really like to try to unbook the hotel if this is the case.... We also turned down a same day invite from another lovely couple as we'd already 'saved the date', so I'm a bit miffed, do u think its bad manners for her not to let us know

ZenNudist Fri 20-May-16 14:06:51

Why don't you ask mutual friends who you know will have been invited and see if they've got one?

coralpig Fri 20-May-16 14:07:24

Very possible. It might be too soon to expect a formal invite however. We are getting married the weekend before in August and our invites went out at the end of April but we have friends/ family from afar so sent them a bit early.

We have also be culled from a wedding for which we received a save the date. luckily hadn't made travel or accommodation arrangements as we are not that organised and it's relatively local.

Do you have mutual friends going who you can ask if they've received an invite?

CustardLover Fri 20-May-16 14:10:27

Surely nobody would send a save the date and then not invite you without telling you? Can you not ask if you should still be saving the date?

rubybleu2 Fri 20-May-16 14:17:07

I thought of asking other friends, I do see one of the other girls on a nearly daily basis, but I don't have her mobile number, and shes not on facebook, so id have to ask her face 2 face, but I don't want to put her on the spot, and make her feel uncomfortable, I'm sure she would have been told that we are no longer going as she is closer to the bride than me

rubybleu2 Fri 20-May-16 14:18:57

I will ask the bride, I was just wondering if its a bit too soon yet, is there still time to receive the invite ?

Goingtobeawesome Fri 20-May-16 14:20:48

Has anyone else received their invitation yet?

HamletsSister Fri 20-May-16 14:22:57

Invites usually 2-3 months before. We have just got one for the start of August.

icouldabeenacontender Fri 20-May-16 14:23:22

I would have thought that for an August wedding, invitaions would have been sent by now being the holiday season and all that, but maybe not?
I think it's awful behaviour to send out save the date cards and then cull.
Have been there.

Ginmakesitallok Fri 20-May-16 14:23:33

I'd think it was a bit early for invites? Isn't 6 weeks before the date the norm?

icouldabeenacontender Fri 20-May-16 14:29:40

Even for an August wedding though Gin? given it's a major time for holidays etc.

steppingout Fri 20-May-16 14:30:09

I'm getting married around then, and our invitations are only at the printer this week so they might not have gone out yet. I can't believe people would send a save the date and then cull!

icouldabeenacontender Fri 20-May-16 14:37:26

To add insult to injury we were still copied into the mass e-mail of all the wedding details re venue, get together beforehand etc etc.
Smarted somewhat, but I'm not bitter...

JinRamen Fri 20-May-16 14:37:32

It ok, even if you ain't invited, up you may still be asked to decorate, so keep the weekend free ;)

MissBattleaxe Fri 20-May-16 14:42:25

If the bride is still fussing about budgets she might not have sent the invitations out yet.

Jackie0 Fri 20-May-16 14:47:22

It's too early yet.
Traditionally invites go out 6 weeks before.

ExasperatedAlmostAlways Fri 20-May-16 14:50:16

If you have sent a save the date card you don't need to send the super super early even though it's holiday time because people know the date. Six weeks is what I'd expect when you already have a save the date. I think you are being a bit presumptuous.

Peasandsweetcorn Fri 20-May-16 14:58:02

For a wedding that weekend, I wouldn't expect invitations to go put until early July. Yes, it is the August b/h but she has sent you save the date cards so you know when it is & you seem to have had enough information to book accommodation. OK, you don't know the exact timings but they may still be sorting this out. I don't think there's anything to suggest you've been culled.

rubybleu2 Fri 20-May-16 16:41:51

my DH has just reminded me that there was a X & Y's wedding celebrations group created on facebook, the bride added us it, and asked us all to supply our addresses, he said it was also updated with the church & reception details back in March, and also details of the pre wedding pub meal in April, I've just searched it up, I can see it, but I'm no longer a member of the group......so I will take it my question is now answered itself, I'm thinking its a little bit rude to say nothing, maybe she's a little embarrassed

NancyJoan Fri 20-May-16 17:08:53

Oh! I was coming in to say it's still quite early, but your last post suggests otherwise.

Can you cancel the hotel and go somewhere else that weekend?

FetchezLaVache Fri 20-May-16 17:21:19

It's incredibly rude not to invite a save-the-date card recipient, but I've been on here long enough to know that it does occasionally happen! OP, I'd contact the bride and say you've noticed you've been removed from the FB group and assume, in light of the wedding expense comments, that she's had to cull a few guests, so therefore can you take it you're no longer invited, because you will need to try to cancel your room if that's the case? I'd just do it matter-of-factly and in as tactful and understanding manner as possible- she probably is embarrassed, but I wouldn't let her get away with just quietly dropping you and hoping you don't call her out on it.

plimsolls Fri 20-May-16 17:26:29

I was going to say that they've probably not sent the invites out yet, but I think the FB group thing is quite worrying...

I think you should do exactly what fetchez suggests and ask, explaining about the FB group, and letting them know you need to try and cancel your booking asap.

TiddlesUpATree Fri 20-May-16 17:42:07

Definitely send a message along the lines of - hi, wondered if you have sent the invites yet as we have booked accommodation and travel, starting to worry it's lost in the post?

At least you will get an answer, and they will know how much effort/ cash you have put in already. How rude if you have been culled after a save the date.

WipsGlitter Fri 20-May-16 17:53:46

That's is tricky.

Asking outright could be very embarrassing all round. But you don't want to lose money.

Very early to be buying a present though! I don't bother until the week before (and end up having to get all the random shite no one else bought them!)

rubybleu2 Fri 20-May-16 18:15:15

I know, I have left present buying til the week before previously and ending up buying something more expensive than I was intending to spend, so I bought an online e voucher for their wedding account....so they already have that, I don't mind, because I would have got them something even if I was never invited...but I'm wondering now.....do u think she should offer to refund it ? I think I would personally if it was me

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