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Should I send ex's photos back to him?

(9 Posts)
Lindt70Percent Thu 19-May-16 14:37:40

I'm having a bit of a clear out and found some packs of photos belonging to an ex who I split up with in 1998! Some of the photos are of a school skiing trip he went on before we knew each other. Others are of a one-off modelling job he had where he had the back of his head dyed to look like the face of a tiger! grin I don't want to keep the pictures but it seems a bit mean to just chuck them away when they might mean something to him. I'm quite sentimental about photos so chucking them is not my natural response!

I have no desire to ever see him again so it's not that I want to meet up with him under the pretence of handing back some photos. It was a fairly acrimonious split in the end - I finished with him after almost 5 years together because he wouldn't get a job and was starting to take a lot of drugs. Since then I've heard that he's developed some MH issues and may have a heroin addiction although I don't know how reliable this (not really relevant) information is as I'm really not in touch with anyone who knows him well, just someone who vaguely knows his parents.

I've no idea where he lives now but his parents still live in the same house. Should I just post them to him c/o their address? I'd put in a note but it would be very brief - something like: 'Having a clear out, found these and thought you might like them. Hope all's well. Lindt'. I definitely would not include any contact details. I don't think it would encourage him to track me down and if he did I've married and changed my name since then. I'm not on Facebook etc.

Or should I save myself the bother and just bin them?

AuntieStella Thu 19-May-16 14:46:03

I think what you propose - sending them to the parents, with a neutral message and no return contact details - is a good choice.

HooseRice Thu 19-May-16 14:49:35

I'd send them with no message. It'll be obvious where they came from.

Cel982 Thu 19-May-16 14:53:36

Yeah, send them. Why not? What are you afraid might happen?

FoxesSitOnBoxes Thu 19-May-16 14:58:09

I think I'd probably just bin them..... But I think that probably isn't the morally correct thing to do! I just don't think I could be bothered risking him reading something into it/thinking I was strange to hang onto them for nearly 20 years

VioletSunshine Thu 19-May-16 14:58:42

Send them back just like you described.

Lindt70Percent Thu 19-May-16 15:52:45

This has been very useful. Cel982 asking what I might be afraid might happen has really made me think.

I think I'm a bit nervous of sending them back because I don't want to stir things up again. He was a compulsive liar - mainly about things that weren't important at all. It was as if he'd rather tell a lie than tell the truth and I think after a while he even believed his lies to be the truth. We were together all through university and when I went on to get my first job he didn't like it at all. He used to switch off my alarm while I was asleep to try to make me late in the morning. He was jealous of the new work friends I was making and would try to sabotage the new friendships.

It was a very difficult relationship to get out of. I stayed in regular contact with him for a year after the split because he seemed fragile, saying he'd commit suicide etc. In hindsight it would have been kinder to have stopped all contact but I was only 21 at the time and out of my depth.

He told so many lies about why I'd split up with him - that I'd gone off with his 'best friend' (someone I'd gone to Uni with who wasn't his best friend and who I've never had a relationship with) etc. So many people believed him, even my brother moved into a shared house with him and they became really good friends. It was all very odd.

I guess I don't want to jog his memory. I don't want him to think of me at all. I definitely DON'T want him to think I've been holding on to them for a reason! (Good point FoxesSitOnBoxes)

So, although most people have said to send them on I think I'm going to bin them.

This has been therapeutic. smile

Cel982 Thu 19-May-16 22:16:22

Sounds reasonable grin

Haggisfish Thu 19-May-16 22:22:01

Well done. grin

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