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stuck remotely

(4 Posts)
HomeWorking Sat 14-May-16 22:38:19

What would you do? My husband inherited a very rural business and a remote challenging house several years after we were married. We started married life in London and were there for ten years and I have always lived in cities. He asked me to give it a go and if we didn't like it after two years we could leave. I sold my city business and earn very little where we are now, I find the constant driving exhausting, most nights after school I could easily be in the car for 3 or 4 hours, either that or refuse to take kids to activities. We live off a busy road (not even in village or hamlet, no shops, no pub, nothing) so can't walk or bike or bus anywhere, driving is the only option so I feel a bit trapped. It is beautiful where we are but my work in the city is a six hour round journey which I only make once a week and the rest of time work from home on my own all week. Feel sad for DD such small peer group and not much on for her nearby I have to drive two hours and two hours waiting time to take her to an activity once a week. Not possible for DH and I to go out for dinner or a drink ever together (we have once,just the two of us, in about seven years) we could but no wine allowed, just water because of the car issue. My eldest now at school six hour round trip away, just not sure I want to be here anyway and worried will become even more resentful if it has caused kids to leave home prematurely and think I should move back to city or nearer population to educate kids but husband now refusing to leave despite saying we could after trial. do I stay put? Move to city without him and take kids so that they can be educated there and see him from time to time? Stick it out and be further than I would like from children? I would love second opinions please

whattodoforthebest2 Sat 14-May-16 22:50:41

I'm not surprised you can't handle it any more - all that driving and the solitude in between times would drive me nuts.

Your DH needs to know that this is potentially a deal breaker for you. Is there nowhere, town or village, that you could move to together that would make the business still work but give you more freedom and social contact?

I think I'd be looking to find somewhere still within reasonable reach of the business but where I could get the DC to school in a reasonable timescale, ie not 4 hours' driving for one activity. He's being unreasonable by not discussing other options in the light of your feelings about it now. You've given it a good go and it's not working for you, even if it is for him. He needs to understand your POV.

It's a very difficult situation, but you only get once chance to get involved in your DC's lives while they're growing up and spending it driving all over the place surely isn't the way to do it.

HomeWorking Sat 14-May-16 23:01:18

Thank you whattodoforthebest I appreciate your comments am at a loss at the moment.

whattodoforthebest2 Sun 15-May-16 19:11:51

Hmm, I can't imagine the resentment getting any less tbh. Better to face up to it and make the move to do something positive about it. It's not just your DH's life is it? You and your DC are being affected long term by this situation. You have a right to an equal say in how you live your lives.

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