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Stuck in a single room hostel with 9 1/2 month old and 32 weeks pregnant (upstairs no lift)

(49 Posts)
Bailissa1994 Tue 26-Apr-16 17:10:16

Hi there,

I'm looking for some advice in all of this as I'm at my wits end completely.

I had to move out of my parents home as me and my other half are expecting our second baby, and already have a 9 and a half month old little girl (fast work I know)
We were looking at going for a private rent property originally, but in the borough I'm in, it would leave me and my OH with very little money at the end of the month for bills, shopping etc (impossible to stretch it as far as it would need to go, even if I am savvy when it comes to shopping and making food go far)

I had no choice but to leave my mums home, due to overcrowding and had to move into an emergency housing hostel with my little girl (they wouldn't have her dad come with us, as he was registered as living with his parents in a different borough altogether).

They have put me on the first floor in there with no lift to get upstairs. since being there I have asked to be moved downstairs as carrying the equivalent of 27kg up and downstairs isn't easy work being heavily pregnant, and I'm in a tiny room (no exaggerating, I have a bed, fridge and my daughters travel cot, with absolutely no room for anything else, leaving me unable to prepare for my son who is due in 8 weeks)
I have asked over and over about having a room downstairs as the laundry room and kitchen is downstairs, and it's too much hard work to take everything downstairs and back up again. I'm living off fridge food for dinners (sandwiches, sausage rolls, salads etc) and am giving my daughter jarred dinners (which I absolutely hate the idea of) and asking friends to help with washing as it means I can just take tiny amounts as I need it...

I just want some advice as to where I can go to get something done as I'm hearing nothing from the council, my case worker is NEVER in which means nothing is being done on my case and if I have my son whilst I'm still there, I have no idea where he is going to sleep, where his stuff is going to go, or how I'll get both children upstairs...

If someone could point me in the right direction I would be profusely greatful!!!

I have attached some pics for you to see I'm not making up about the lack of space!

allegretto Tue 26-Apr-16 17:13:24

Was your mum's house more overcrowded than the hostel room?!

Bailissa1994 Tue 26-Apr-16 17:47:52

There would have been 4 of us in one room... 10 in a 4 bedroom house and my stepdad has muscular dystrophy so lots of medical equipment around as well... It would be just as crowded... It's a catch 22 xxx

DiggersRest Tue 26-Apr-16 17:56:01

Couldn't your partner stay with his parents so it would be 3 in the room at your dp? It does look tight but you've got a roof over your head and somewhere safe to sleep which is important.

allegretto Tue 26-Apr-16 17:57:52

I'm not sure you'll have a much of a case arguing for a ground floor flat I'm afraid as first floor isn't really any more steps than most people have if they're in houses iyswim.

BrandNewAndImproved Tue 26-Apr-16 18:00:45

Just stick it out and wait for your council house. You'll be classed as homeless and be at the top of the housing list. 6 months and you'll have a 2 bed flat or house, maybe a three depending on your la.

BrandNewAndImproved Tue 26-Apr-16 18:01:27

Oh and be grateful you've got your own bathroom, lots of people in bnbs don't.

Helennn Tue 26-Apr-16 18:07:54

I really don't think one flight of stairs is too much, tricky yes but no more than a lot of people have to do day in day out. And for when the baby comes along can you not swap that huge bed that is there now for a single? Then there would be plenty of room.

wannabestressfree Tue 26-Apr-16 18:10:14

Move out of borough to another area? Sorry I think it's mad you didn't think this through....the housing situation is dire. Everyone knows that. You may have to cut your cloth according.

Bailissa1994 Tue 26-Apr-16 18:43:16

the reason I'm arguing for downstairs in the hostel is because of the fact I cannot leave my little one alone at any one time, so leaving her upstairs in the room whilst I go back for the buggy is something the hostel will give me serious problems with, even if it's even just for 1 minute and I know she's completely safe in her cot etc...

I agree it should have been better planned but we were in a different situation at the time when I fell pregnant: I.e he had a job he could move to a different area easily with to cut our housing cost...

Even if I swapped the bed over, there is still not enough room, we did try it when we first moved in, but the fridge cannot be moved as its the only plug socket available, and I cannot (for health and safety reasons) have either child against the radiator and turning the bed round wouldn't leave enough space for the cot, Moses basket and fridge to be against that wall, plus it'd be dangerous with the leads being within reaching distance (from kettle, steriliser that is on top of fridge)

There are people downstairs who have much larger rooms than I do with one child, I have the same size room as a single person or couple with no children and have been told that it is inadequate space..

I appriciate I am lucky to have a shower and bathroom, which is why I haven't complained about that aspect of it, it's just not right that I am changing be, feeding and allowing my baby to play on the bed... Before we moved there she was getting ready to crawl (arms right up and trying to push her legs) now she won't even attempt it, and hasn't attempted to roll over once since being there (she was always doing it before hand)

RosT Tue 26-Apr-16 19:07:37

Wow I feel some of the comments here have been tough. This must be a very worrying time for you. I have no experience I this area but I would suggest emailing your councillors and MP - they do respond and often get who should be helping you to do so. At the least it will probably spark a response. Good luck, hope things improve soon.

Thebrowntrout Tue 26-Apr-16 19:10:12



I'm sure op is appreciative that it could be worse blah blah but it's hardly ideal!

AliceInUnderpants Tue 26-Apr-16 19:16:15

I'd ditch the cot and co-sleep with the baby.

allegretto Tue 26-Apr-16 19:44:06

I cannot leave my little one alone at any one time, so leaving her upstairs in the room whilst I go back for the buggy is something the hostel will give me serious problems with

Why not? Is it the hostel that won't allow it or you don't want to do it. I know it's not ideal but it's exactly what I used to do (twins, first floor flat, no lift). So it is possible but it seemed a lot trickier until I started doing it iyswim!

ApricotSorbet99 Tue 26-Apr-16 20:00:58

You amaze me.

You are homeless and have been given clean, warm, en suite accommodation with access to laundry facilities - but it's not good enough because you have to walk up and down one flight of stairs?

I was homeless when my son was a toddler and we were put in a single room with shared bathroom and inadequate, dirty kitchen facilities downstairs. It was crap, but I was glad of it at the time. We also lived on sausage rolls and sandwiches...without the benefit of an in-room fridge to keep them cool.

I am sure it is not ideal for you, but it's not forever. Be glad for what you've been given for free and stop acting so entitled, ffs.

Bailissa1994 Tue 26-Apr-16 20:33:40

Firstly, I am not acting entitled.
I am extremely grateful for the roof I have been given, and I do appriciate that others have had it worse, however I feel that in an establishment whereby they can enter my room if my baby cries for longer than 20 minutes, they are allowed to enter the room, and if I leave my baby alone in the room at any point I get in a trouble for it (the one time I did it to go and grab the buggy, I was told that if it continues they would involve the authorities as I shouldn't be leaving her alone) yet they are happy with me carrying more weight than the maximum safe load that my other half is allowed to carry alone at work, upstairs whilst heavily pregnant despite the fact I have had complications during my pregnancy, something is a bit wrong!

Secondly I am asking for advise not criticism...

ChoccyJules Tue 26-Apr-16 20:44:02

I feel for you, is it really better there than at your Mum's? At least there you presumably have the shared family areas and occasionally others can watch your daughter for a short while, although they have other people to care for?

mayoketchupchocolate Tue 26-Apr-16 20:47:55

Poor you, it doesn't sound good sad I assume you can't go and stay with your DP and his parents?

Bailissa1994 Wed 27-Apr-16 07:21:46

Also, it's not free, I am paying £100.45 a week for this accommodation...

If I move back to my mums, I will have access to the facilities, but with so many people there, it's a very disruptive lifestyle, and would cause so many problems as I'd need to use the facilities more (which siblings would cause riot over) and used to have to end up taking washing to my OH's parents on a weekend instead, but moving in with them isn't an option either :/ I just feel completely stuck

The council never get in contact with me to tell me what is going on, when I contact them, my caseworker is never around (I've been staying here for 9 weeks, and she's already had 4 weeks off for school holidays, which means 4 weeks of nothing being done on my case).

I know really I'm not in a position to complain about it considering I do have a roof over my head, but I don't know how not to worry, feel scared about the fact I have next to nothing for my new baby, plus the daunting prospect that he could make an early arrival (as waters started leaking, they're trying to keep him in until 35wks at least, so have to go to hospital regularly for treatment to keep infection away and to try and slow down labour etc)
I'm worried that if I go into labour, I'm doing it alone in this little room with my daughter as I have to go downstairs, let any visitors in etc, my OH lives 2 hours away at the minute, and my mum wouldn't be able to get here in a hurry as she would need to arrange cover for someone to care for my stepdad and younger sisters... Negativity in this post has not really helped, all I wanted was some advice on where to go next...

TheDrsDocMartens Wed 27-Apr-16 07:30:03

Have you asked for another keyworker? Or if someone is covering them? If you knew what was happening in your case would that help?
Is there any support towards private renting deposits etc?
Is there staff at the hostel who can help?

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp Wed 27-Apr-16 07:40:54

So you'd expect someone in a downstairs flat to be moved for you??

Or are their empty flats?

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp Wed 27-Apr-16 07:43:08

How are you affording to pay £100 a week if you don't work?

AndYourBirdCanSing Wed 27-Apr-16 07:54:02

I'm guessing it's housing benefit MumOnTheRun. And actually, if someone is in a downstairs flat who doesn't have more of a need for it than OP , I don't see the problem with swapping.

You need to keep on ringing the council/keyworker OP. Do not wait for them to ring you.

I do feel for you, it must be stressful with a 9 month old and being heavily pregnant. I hope you get somewhere permanent soon

Diamogs Wed 27-Apr-16 09:55:49

That sounds like a really difficult situation OP - surely you would be better living back with either set of parents?

I'm not sure that the council can do anything if all housing is taken and the people downstairs may have need of ground floor rooms.

TheClacksAreDown Wed 27-Apr-16 17:58:32

Op I would go and speak to your midwife and/or health visitors about the situation and see if they can help put pressure on. Failing that try your local councillors. But bear in mind there may be limited availability so you need to think about how you will cope.

Also I think you are giving the hostel too much power. They will "involve the authorities?" Well let them. children's services won't have an issue with what you're doing and it may get you bumped up the list.

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