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don't know what to do :-/

(13 Posts)
karmashouldcatchup Thu 21-Apr-16 19:08:05

Hi, been with my partner for 3yrs and have a 6m old lg. I moved in with partner (his house) in Aug and lg born oct '15. He is self employed and always on his phone and laptop sending receiving messages etc. 1 week before lg was born he got an upgrade on his phone, so I looked at his old phone ( he was super secretive and shady) and I saw a few pictures from a "friend of his" of topless women (taken photos of themselves). So literally as I was about to drop our baby he had been messaging this "friend" pretty much throughout our relationship.
So fast forward to now, funnily enough since then I have been very paranoid, insecure and self conscious. I've been getting the "baby weight is hanging about" "hows diet going" comments, just laughed it off. Sex has gone, I am his 'nytol' we have 2mins of sex so he can sleep. No emotions, although I am very open and tell him my feelings.
So today he left his email open, with his history I looked ' I KNOW I SHOULDN'T HAVE' but I did. And was all his messages from his ex (years ago) and and other random girl saying well when are u going to call...to which he replied now, send me your number. It was a hotmail email so not work related.
I couldn't keep mouth shut so said something.
Now he has threatened to go solicitor, supposed to be signing papers for new joint mortgage on new house on Monday.
What do I do? I love him 'famous last words hey!!!' But we have a baby and I have no where to go.. He's saying it's all my fault, and he can't trust me....
Help please ladies sad

wannabestressfree Thu 21-Apr-16 19:18:56

He has been caught red handed and is now trying to shut you up by threatening you....I would let him trot along to the solicitor and let him start to worry about his shitty actions.

MrsPigling Thu 21-Apr-16 19:20:46

do not buy a house with this man!

this is not your fault and the only one who can't be trusted is him sad

so sorry you're in this situation

Heavens2Betsy Thu 21-Apr-16 19:22:18

HE can't trust YOU???
He's an arse wipe- don't buy a house with him.
See this as a lucky escape and dump his cheating arse!!

SouthDownsSunshine Thu 21-Apr-16 19:23:58

Please don't buy a house with him. Get out as soon as possible, you deserve better

UnmentionedElephantDildo Thu 21-Apr-16 19:24:05

Yes, you are in a vulnerable position. Are you currently in rented accommodation, and can you afford the rent without him? Or are you selling a jointly owned property to upgrade? Can you afford to buy him out?

Are you on maternity leave? Can you arrange to return to work earlier to secure your income?

Do not become financially dependent on a man who treats you like this.

PotteringAlong Thu 21-Apr-16 19:25:02

DO NOT sign for a mortgage with this man on Monday. It will be a lot lot harder to sort out after that.

karmashouldcatchup Thu 21-Apr-16 19:33:26

He owns the house, and I used to live with parents, who understandably now I have a child in tow cannot accommodate me.
I was thinking if we got the mortgage then at least I have somewhere to call mine and my daughters.
As I have suffered with ptsd and depression (was sexually abused as a child) and been getting flash backs, I am scared he will use this as ammunition, saying I'm not a good mum. I have little self confidence as it is, but I know I AM a good mum.
Financially I am screwed on mat leave and he gives me money to buy food and baby stuff. We have had a good time together, but he thinks if he buys me something then that's ok, he's being a good boyfriend. No intimacy or anything, which I think makes a relationship.
Oh dear lord I feel sick!,

Heavens2Betsy Thu 21-Apr-16 20:06:13

No a joint mortgage with him won't give you security - it will make you more dependent on him.
There are other options - go to CAB and see what help you are entitled to as a single parent.

karmashouldcatchup Thu 21-Apr-16 20:22:50

That's what I was planning to do in the morning.
He's gone out now, didn't even bother to say hello or bye to our lg earlier.
Thank you xx

Danny1988 Fri 22-Apr-16 13:25:55

Hi im new to this and dont habe a clue if im doing it right i am a dad to a 5 yr old boy my partner has mental health issues and has been in hospital 3 times and has now decided we should break up and she wants to move our son away and to another town and obviously i dont want that and want him to remain here with me and she has him weekends do i have any point coz i know mams get favoured alot over dads

karmashouldcatchup Fri 22-Apr-16 15:00:58

I went to citizens advice today and they said that in most cases the mother does get full custody at my daughters age (6m), but should I not have a safe place to live then the court does not favour that. She also said that they send you through mediation 1st before it gets to that stage.
@Danny1988 surely if the mothers mental stability is in question then your sons safety is the main concern. She must have a key worker or something that you could talk too. Looking after a child on your own and moving away would be very stressful and your ex could get poorly and admitted again. That's not good for anyone. Have you spoken to CAB? There website may help.
Good luck smile

karmashouldcatchup Fri 22-Apr-16 15:01:03

I went to citizens advice today and they said that in most cases the mother does get full custody at my daughters age (6m), but should I not have a safe place to live then the court does not favour that. She also said that they send you through mediation 1st before it gets to that stage.
@Danny1988 surely if the mothers mental stability is in question then your sons safety is the main concern. She must have a key worker or something that you could talk too. Looking after a child on your own and moving away would be very stressful and your ex could get poorly and admitted again. That's not good for anyone. Have you spoken to CAB? There website may help.
Good luck smile

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