Infant loss floral tribute

(22 Posts)
fizzzog Mon 18-Apr-16 07:48:47

Hi all, I'm pretty sure I've put this in the wrong category. I am attending the funeral of a preterm baby this week and have ordered some flowers. I really want to add a card with a lovely message. The mother is a very dear friend and I have been thinking about them everyday since the baby was born. I just cannot think of anything suitable. Too beautiful for earth isn't really me let's say. Please if anyone could help. Thanks

PotteringAlong Mon 18-Apr-16 07:50:14

Have you checked they want flowers at the funeral?

fizzzog Mon 18-Apr-16 07:51:55

Yes

fizzzog Mon 18-Apr-16 07:58:05

Yes I have checked, I have spoken with the mother and met up a couple of times. The decision was that a few of us would like to send flowers and they would be put on relatives graves afterwards. I think the crem would look rather empty without. The mother has requested colour to be worn as she wants it to be a celebration.

Heirhelp Mon 18-Apr-16 08:05:22

I am sorry for this loss OP.

Religious or non religious comments?

Religious - something about being too perfect for this earth and taken to be an angel with God.

Non religious something about being beautiful/hansom and their time on earth being too short.

Then the usual message about being missed and remembered.

One of the children's bereavement charities has a leaflet about what to say and not to say.

CurlsLDN Mon 18-Apr-16 08:13:37

How about

Dear (friend and partner)

I have been thinking about you every day since (baby) was born. I can't imagine what you are going through, but I am here for you and I would like to celebrate (babies) birth and remember his/her life when you are ready. I am so sorry.

Love fizzzog

- I have taken this from your op. I think there's no need for cliched shmultzy messages, she is a good friend, just say whatever you really feel and I'm sure she will appreciate it

TendonQueen Mon 18-Apr-16 08:14:08

I would go with something about in their short life they were very much loved and will always be loved and remembered. flowers

fizzzog Mon 18-Apr-16 08:14:53

Thanks heir, I don't think they are adverse to religion but don't think that they would find comfort in the fact that baby has gone to a better place. I'll have a look at those websites. There are some lovely words but usually specific to the parents of the child.

KittyandTeal Mon 18-Apr-16 08:15:37

No footprint too small to leave an imprint on the world.

Love, like starlight, never dies.

I hate the whole taken by God, too beautiful for the earth stuff as I feel it is so disengenuous and saying something for the sake of it. I'm a pretty stout atheist though.

I love the Carl Sagan quote 'we are made of star stuff' but that is very personal and specific. (I find comfort in science, cosmology and quantum physics, what I understand anyway)

fizzzog Mon 18-Apr-16 08:16:35

Curls, sorry I should have made it clearer, I have met with my friend and I got her a bracelet with the baby name on when we met and the book on the night you were born. The flowers are to be sent to the funeral.

ispymincepie Mon 18-Apr-16 08:17:10

A close friend who lost a baby likes the saying 'even the smallest of feet have the power to leave everlasting footprints on this earth' She did however become enraged at 'ugly' floral tributes being placed on her son's grave so I'd check if you think this could be an issue.

KittyandTeal Mon 18-Apr-16 08:17:53

I'm assuming this is to go on the small florist card that goes in the flowers?

If you are writing a card specifically to the parents I'd go with so,etching like you've said in your op.

fizzzog Mon 18-Apr-16 08:19:38

Ispy there will be no grave. She knows I am sending flowers and they will be put on other relatives graves after. I have order a wild flower heart which I hope does not fall under the ugly category

Gatekeeper Mon 18-Apr-16 08:19:58

I like what Curls has said; honest, sympathetic without resorting to over sentimental gushy mawkishness

fizzzog Mon 18-Apr-16 08:23:24

Yes this is for the small florist card! Thanks for replies so far

KittyandTeal Mon 18-Apr-16 08:27:06

So you can't fit much on it.

We've recently gone through this, finding readings for dd2 and ds services and quotes for their plaques. I've found it's tricky to find anything meaningful, short and non religious.

In the end it was so difficult that we didn't have a florist card for ds, but for dd2 we just wrote something along the lines of 'forever our second, you will always be loved'

CurlsLDN Mon 18-Apr-16 08:30:50

Ah apologies, I see now!

In which case, how about just

I have been thinking about (baby) since he/she was born. We will remember him/her

fizzzog Mon 18-Apr-16 08:35:15

I've just seen 'we are all children of the Stars' I just don't know

fizzzog Mon 18-Apr-16 09:09:12

Sorry for your loss kitty! It's a very specialised loss. It doesn't follow any of the 'rules'

KittyandTeal Mon 18-Apr-16 11:24:36

Thank you fizz. Baby and infant loss does tend to break the rules, then no one knows what to say and ends up saying nothing which is often worse.

It is lovely that you are spending time thinking about what and how to say it. Loss of a premmie baby must be utterly heartbreaking.

I think you need to decide if you want a quote type thing or a shortened version of how you are feeling.

I love 'we are all children of the Stars' I may well steal that for ds rememberence entry as we've not found anything that feels right yet and they both have a stars theme in the services and plaques.

To be absolutely honest what you write won't matter much to them, it will be the sheer fact that you have been thinking of them and their baby, that you've sent flowers and that you've shown you care and are not shying away from their loss. But I understand you feel it needs to be perfect. We felt the same after loosing dd2. It has changed a little now we've also lost ds, the words don't matter so much because I know that at the end of it all they are always there, with me, in my heart.

fizzzog Mon 18-Apr-16 15:06:53

My other friend thinks it's a bit OTT! So we have gone for remembering 'babies name' forever and always. But I love the stars one

KittyandTeal Mon 18-Apr-16 15:35:01

That's lovely. Right to the point.

What parents can write and friends is a bit different so it's hard to advise sometimes.

I'm glad you've found sometime, and like I say, the parents will just be grateful their baby is being remembered

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