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Wedding related wwyd

(13 Posts)
oohlalala Fri 15-Apr-16 02:48:43

Apologies, this could go on a bit.

Where to start? I pretty much grew up with 2 friends who are sisters, always in their house & went out with them all the time. The joke was always that I would be introduced as their other sister (which they have even done recently). Anyway, we are all grown up now, but have kept in regular contact, one of them was my bridesmaid and I'm god mother to one of their children.

Anyway, one of the sisters was getting married recently. Now I get the whole wedding politics business, there is a set budget and sometimes you have to make tough choices, so I never assumed an invite. The wedding was organised quite quickly over about 3 months. I saw the sister (not the bride) a fortnight before the wedding, and even though I sort of knew I wasn't invited by now, I asked if her sister would be having a hen party as she is a party person so I couldn't imagine she wouldn't & I hadn't heard anything. She skirted round the subject and moved the subject on. I thought that was a bit strange.

Move forward a week before the wedding. I get a text at about midnight at the weekend, not from the bride, but her sister (bride does have my number) saying I was invited to the wedding, could I make it next week? No details such as if DH was invited. I didn't respond straight away. Following morning, happened to look on FB. A whole album of hen party pics. Big thanks to DS for organising local hen party last night. It was local to me too, only I had no clue it was happening.

TBH I was gutted. More gutted about this than the wedding invite. I felt that they had deliberately not included me after the dodged question the week before. It wouldn't have cost them a penny to invite me out to have a drink with them, and she appeared to have a number of friends there in the pics, and on closer inspection this was hen party number 2. I was totally thrown then about the text invite. Surely if the bride really wanted me there I would of had an invite before now, and not a text via her DS. It felt like a drunk 'shit we'd better add her on, Aunty Ethel can't make it she can have her seat'.

By this point I was so upset about the circumstances I didn't go to the wedding and made up an excuse. I feel bad about lying, but I'm actually really hurt by their lack of thought. Having planned my own wedding, and other peoples hen dos, you always write out a list of who you want there & her DS knows me very well.

I have had time to reflect on this now, but am still thrown with what to do? Should I say something? Do I even have the right to say something? It was her wedding, her choice, but then I have no clue where this leaves our friendship, if at all. WWYD?

VegasIsBest Fri 15-Apr-16 06:21:47

I can see why you'd be hurt. However I think you just have to accept that relationships move on over time.

Personally I wouldn't have gone to the wedding either. You were obviously a stand in for someone who hasn't accepted and they hadn't even sent a proper invitation.

I think you just need to forget about this now and concentrate on other friends.

cheminotte Fri 15-Apr-16 06:26:31

Tbh I would text back - sorry would have loved to, but too short notice, am busy that weekend. I do think that is incredibly rude and hurtful.

cheminotte Fri 15-Apr-16 06:27:19

Sorry just seen the wedding has already happened.

gamerchick Fri 15-Apr-16 06:34:10

2 hen dos and you weren't invited to either of them? Quite the boot in the guts confused

Tbh I couldn't come back from that, I'd be deleting them both from Facebook though.

NNalreadyinuse Fri 15-Apr-16 06:43:50

I'm not sure you can expect your friend's sister to invite you to her hen do/wedding unless your friend has other friends who were present. I'm not sure from your OP whether the other hen do guests were solely froends of the bride or a mixed group. If the latter, then yes, that is deliberately hurtful.

As an aside, I don't get why people plaster this stuff all over fb when they know the people they have excluded will see it. It seems so rude and insensitive.

Hamishandthefoxes Fri 15-Apr-16 06:46:46

Op is friends with both bride and bride's sister as I reward it. Yanbu at all to be upset. I'd distance myself from both of them which is very sad after such s long time.

Hamishandthefoxes Fri 15-Apr-16 06:46:51

Op is friends with both bride and bride's sister as I reward it. Yanbu at all to be upset. I'd distance myself from both of them which is very sad after such s long time.

Spangletangle Fri 15-Apr-16 06:52:16

Oh how horrible for you, I'm sorry. She isn't your friend. Not sure about the other one? Which was bridesmaid and which child are you gm to?

pictish Fri 15-Apr-16 06:57:09

Yes that's hurtful. I wouldn't have gone to the wedding either - no way. Not sure you can do or say anything about it now though.
I'm sorry. x

oohlalala Fri 15-Apr-16 10:09:20

I'm definately closer to BM than bride. She was my BM & asked me to be GM to her DC quite recently. This doesn't really help though as she was the main organiser of the hen. The bride is still a close friend and has been since childhood. Shes always included at birthdays, my hen, my wedding and I've been around for theirs, not to mention harder moments in life too 🙁

OrlandaFuriosa Fri 15-Apr-16 10:38:54

I'd remain friends with BM. You don't know what she said to B about hen but obv was embarrassed. I'd move on from B, but in a civilised way.

It will be awkward for a bit, but see your God child , take him or her out and natter over coffee and something will come back. And you had the friendship, nothing takes that away. It could come back full force, it might not.

OrlandaFuriosa Fri 15-Apr-16 10:40:01

Ps, I wouldn't have gone to the wedding either and would be v hurt.

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