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..if the wedding invite says no presents?

(20 Posts)
Fridayschild Mon 29-Feb-16 19:16:09

I am planning to buy a gift anyway, one that would be easy to swap if they didn't like it. But my main aim is not to spoil the happy couple's day. Bride is my cousin whom I have not seen for about three years due in part to a family row; never met the groom; both in their early thirties in professional jobs, but not millionaire merchant bankers by a long way.

It just seems rude to go without giving them a gift. Views, oh wise mumsnetters?

KaraokeQueenOfTheNorth Mon 29-Feb-16 19:17:42

If the invite says no presents, I wouldn't take a present!

Sparklingbrook Mon 29-Feb-16 19:18:05

We said no gifts and a few bought gifts. We were confused

AgentProvocateur Mon 29-Feb-16 19:26:35

I'd take a bottle of fizz.

Orangesox Mon 29-Feb-16 19:27:47

If you're intent on giving them a gift ask if they would like some foreign currency towards their honeymoon funds? Or similar? I know it's general MN consensus that it's the height of vulgarity to request money rather than gifts, but there's nothing wrong with asking them.

The difficulty is that most newlyweds now have all the home based tat that they would've been bought as wedding presents in years gone by. I have occasionally bought extremely close friends a little keepsake for a wedding present such as a charm for their charm bracelet.

Sparklingbrook Mon 29-Feb-16 19:32:50

I always thought wedding gifts were for when people were moving in together and didn't have anything, so they had towels, saucepans etc.

We had been living together for 5 years and didn't need anything so we said 'no gifts'.

Someone arranged a bottle of bubbly for our hotel room as a gift, I don't even like it. confused

ThroughThickAndThin01 Mon 29-Feb-16 19:32:54

I'd take something. I couldn't turn up empty handed. I really wish people wouldn't dictate 'no presents', but leave it up to their guests.

Do they support any charities you could send a donation to? If I couldn't think of anything, I'd take a bottle of champagne.

hollyisalovelyname Mon 29-Feb-16 19:38:37

I'd send a donation to a charity in their name.
It's so nice they are not grabby.

IoraRua Mon 29-Feb-16 19:38:50

Ask the parents of the bride what they might like. Failing that, a voucher or some cash in an envelope. But I would rather ask.

Fridayschild Mon 29-Feb-16 19:42:33

Thank you All! Very helpful.

Fayrazzled Mon 29-Feb-16 19:44:42

I'm inclined to think if people say "no presents" on the invitation, they genuinely mean "no presents".

Flingingmelon Mon 29-Feb-16 19:46:47

We had everything so we didn't need presents. People didn't like it so we nominated a charity. Perhaps in your RSVP ask if there is one close to their hearts?

Flingingmelon Mon 29-Feb-16 19:47:00

We had everything so we didn't need presents. People didn't like it so we nominated a charity. Perhaps in your RSVP ask if there is one close to their hearts?

MrsHathaway Mon 29-Feb-16 19:48:55

yy to token bottle or charity donation, but check first. If they're leaving for honeymoon the morning after they may genuinely not want anything physical at all.

Alternatively, when a family member had a no-gifts wedding, we paid for some of their wedding photo printing after the event, and bought a big frame. You could offer similar. Or you could offer to put money behind the bar towards the B & G's drinks on the day, etc.

Goingtobeawesome Mon 29-Feb-16 19:50:41

The last weeding I went to had your presence not your presents on the invitation. I have a M&S gift card.

CaptainCallisto Mon 29-Feb-16 20:02:03

We had everything we needed house wise when we got married do specified no presents.

So many people got in contact with my mum/sister to ask what we might like we ended up with all our spending money for our honeymoon. Mum's suggestion was to get us some euros with the money they would have spent on the present. It was really lovely, but really not expected. We just wanted to share our day with them smile

HunterHearstHelmsley Mon 29-Feb-16 20:04:26

I was told by the mother of a bride that said 'no presents' that they'd only done so to be polite and they expected presents.

Sparklingbrook Mon 29-Feb-16 20:08:16

That's bizarre Hunter was everyone supposed to be psychic? confused

MrsHathaway Mon 29-Feb-16 20:15:49

Ah we had an issue like that, Hunter, where SIL and BIL put "no gifts" on the invitation but FIL went round telling all his side that they didn't really mean it and they'd like vouchers for <particular shop>.

They had really meant it, and they weren't expecting to do any shopping in that shop at all confused

Poor SIL found it all excruciating.

ThePartyArtist Thu 03-Mar-16 12:31:08

We said no presents and genuinely meant it - so much so that we hadn't allocated space at the venue to gather them and had to hastily make some when so many people brought a present only. One friend gave us a card and a note saying 'you said no presents but we want to celebrate, so here is a voucher for a delicious 3 course meal at our house with a well stocked bar'. We went round to theirs a few months later and they did us a lovely dinner party - that was nice!

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