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Shall I go to the funeral?

(13 Posts)
mckenzie Sun 07-Feb-16 14:12:36

A friend who I grew up with, let's call her Jackie, lost her mum last week and the funreral is next week and I'm not sure whether to go or not.

We grew up together, our parents were either side of a large group of families. We were at senior school together, part of a group of 4 girls, we went on Friday nights out together etc, holidays.
We were good friends, went to each other's weddings.
Then Jackie split from her husband and went under ground (for want of a better description).
Fast forward two decades and we are back in very irregular contact through FB mainly but have still yet to meet up (various things arranged, usually by me, fall through, usually called off by Jackie smile).

Half of me thinks I shouldn't go to the funeral as I hadn't seen her mum in about 25 years and not seen Jackie in nearly as long but the other half of me thinks, if it was my mum's funeral, I would be very touched if Jackie came.


bb888 Sun 07-Feb-16 14:13:52

I think it would be nice to go, if you want to.

stitch10yearson Sun 07-Feb-16 14:15:02


aginghippy Sun 07-Feb-16 14:17:50

The question to ask is what would Jackie think about your presence at the funeral? Would it give her some comfort to see you there? That's the reason to go to a funeral, to comfort the bereaved people.

ThomasRichard Sun 07-Feb-16 14:18:01

Yes, I would go. If I was Jackie I'd be very touched and grateful.

YakTriangle Sun 07-Feb-16 14:34:38

If you want to pay your respects and support your friend, then you should go.
People who shouldn't go are those who had absolutely nothing to do with the deceased, haven't had any kind of contact with any of their family in years and are only going for a good gossip and a free feed at the wake.

mckenzie Sun 07-Feb-16 16:21:03

Thank you for all the replies.
Aginghippy, I totally agree with you but the problem is I'm so out of touch with Jackie that I don't know what she would want.

I guess I could ask her.
I don't want to go and then find she is surrounded by friends from her current life and then it will look like I'm just there for the gossip and the food.
Nothing could be further than the truth incidentally. I'm having to rearrange quite a lot to be able to go and won't be staying long at the pub afterwards.
My gut feeling tells me it's the right thing to do so perhaps I should stop over analysing and shut up grin

aginghippy Sun 07-Feb-16 16:39:43

Yes just go. You are doing it with the best of intentions.

stitch10yearson Sun 07-Feb-16 17:07:31

you dont have to stay for the food if you think it would be uncomfortable.

Xmasbaby11 Sun 07-Feb-16 17:09:11

Has she invitee you? If not I wouldn't go.

SwedishEdith Sun 07-Feb-16 17:24:24

I'd just go if you feel it's the right thing to do. I can't imagine anyone questioning why someone was at a funeral (unless there'd been an obvious falling out!). People are usually just very touched that people make the effort.

Jenijena Sun 07-Feb-16 17:26:37

I would go. At my grandad's funeral someone attended who'd played with him and his brother as a child but hadn't been in contact for 50 years. We were still touched that he turned up. but sadly the brother he wanted to meet had also died

Tartyflette Sun 07-Feb-16 17:38:20

You must have known Jackie's mum quite well too when you were younger, so that would be reason enough to go and pay your respects. You don't need to be invited unless it is 'private' or family only, a call to the funeral directors would give you that infomation, if it was the case.

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