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Moral Dilemma.

(85 Posts)
Mumwithdilemmas Mon 18-Jan-16 18:52:03


I'm new here & hope you can help. A person I know from my school days has recently contacted me via my parents, to ask if I can help her.

Firstly, she has always appalling towards me & even as adults this has never changed. Anyway she recently cheated on her husband of 10 years after getting very drunk at a party, as a result she is now pregnant.

Her husband has kicked her out & her family want nothing to do with her,she bumped into my mother & was very upset as she doesn't have anywhere to turn & no money for baby equipment.

My mum suggested she called me as we have several thousand pounds worth of baby equipment unused in our loft & cellars. We aren't planning anymore 2 toddlers are more than enough.

When she called she asked if I anything I could give her for free/cheap to hel. I told her no as I wanted current market value for things. My mum had told her we had 4 prams, 3 not being used & a couple of cots with boxes & boxes & boxes of clothes & toys etc.

My mum says I should be more charitable & give her break but I don't see why I should help, as I don't agree with what she has done. Also why should I help somebody who has always spoken down to me? After all I've ended up doing far better in life than she ever has.

What would you do? Thank you.

AuraofDora Mon 18-Jan-16 18:54:59

You're all heart. Can't you help her out a bit, you sound v mean and overly judgemental.

Chicagomd Mon 18-Jan-16 18:57:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NoonAim Mon 18-Jan-16 18:59:13

What would i do? I'd give her some stuff, you don't need it and it sounds as if you can afford it.

Be the bigger person, it costs nothing to be kind.

Mumwithdilemmas Mon 18-Jan-16 18:59:30

Thank you for responding AuraofDora. Would you help somebody who always treated you like a second class citizen? I can't condone what she had done it's something I personally think is abhorrent to cheat.

Nobody, outside our family helped us when we announced we we're pregnant & neither would we have expected them to.

Pancakeflipper Mon 18-Jan-16 19:00:05

There must be at least a,carrier bag of stuff you'd be happy to give away?

Pancakeflipper Mon 18-Jan-16 19:01:26

Is this a moral dilemma or just a case of "shall I help or not?"

TPel Mon 18-Jan-16 19:02:39

Whilst I understand why you don't want to help the woman, I would have passed on some things so the baby can be cared for. The baby is innocent and I couldn't not help out a bit.

Mumwithdilemmas Mon 18-Jan-16 19:02:42

Thank you for your response Noonaim. Just because I can afford doesn't mean anything really. The plan is to sell the stuff to reinvest into our children's futures via their Trust funds.

Would you be kind to somebody, who whilst you were very I'll during pregnancy said if I were you fiancé I'd leave you.

RookieMonster Mon 18-Jan-16 19:03:06

You are talking about refusing to help a baby, yes? Withholding baby clothes and equipment, right? The baby isn't at fault here.

Mumwithdilemmas Mon 18-Jan-16 19:04:02

I love your name Pancake flipper. There might well be I haven't really looked.

AuraofDora Mon 18-Jan-16 19:05:02

If that's how you feel and don't want to pass on things you don't need to someone clearly in need, then why post?
Your own Mum thinks you are mean of spirit, you've asked a bunch if internet strangers to validate your position, and hey, they're not. If it's no skin off your nose then be the bigger person?

Wombatinabathhat Mon 18-Jan-16 19:05:31

I can understand how you feel if she's never been nice to you, but I would rise above it and help her out. Life's too short and all that.

Sadmother Mon 18-Jan-16 19:06:24

Secondhand baby stuff won't get you enough money to invest in "your children's futures".

Mumwithdilemmas Mon 18-Jan-16 19:06:30

I agree Rookie monster & TPel baby isn't at fault but I know loads of people who would benefit too. People who haven't been unpleasent to me all my life.

Mumwithdilemmas Mon 18-Jan-16 19:09:49

Thanks Wombatinathhat. I know life is too short but she really has caused me a lot of misery over the years.

Hi Sadmother, surely anything we place in our children's trust funds helps to invest in our children's future?

PizzaConnoisseur Mon 18-Jan-16 19:09:57

Well don't help her then. Be clear about it and move on.

It's not very nice to gloat, as you seem to be doing.

sugar21 Mon 18-Jan-16 19:10:17

If you don't want to give things away then don't. No point in asking as your mind seems to be made up.
Why come on here to moan about your ex- friend?

Pixilicious Mon 18-Jan-16 19:12:01

I'd tell her to poke it. You owe her nothing she sounds like a cow who is on the shit of her own making.

Mumwithdilemmas Mon 18-Jan-16 19:13:14

Hi Pizza connoisseur, I came on as I really can't decide what to do. My heart says give her break but my head says remember how awful she has always been to you.

Hi Sugar 21, she was never a friend just somebody I knew growing up. I'm really unsure how to handle it. As I say she made my life hell.

thatstoast Mon 18-Jan-16 19:13:51

You clearly don't want to give her anything. This is an amoral dilemma.

Mumwithdilemmas Mon 18-Jan-16 19:14:23

Thanks Pixilicious she has always been a right moo, that can't be denied.

Micah Mon 18-Jan-16 19:17:02

When she called she asked if I anything I could give her for free/cheap to hel. I told her no as I wanted current market value for things. My mum had told her we had 4 prams, 3 not being used & a couple of cots with boxes & boxes & boxes of clothes & toys etc.

I was with you until this paragraph. 4 prams? Several thousand pounds worth of unused stuff?

Entirely up to you what you do with your stuff. If you need the money fair enough. But if you are tight financially, several thousand pounds worth if stuff is very extravagant. That just smacks of "considerably richer than you".

Mumwithdilemmas Mon 18-Jan-16 19:17:26

Hi Thatstoast, I'm stuck between a rock & a hard place. I ended up in therapy growing up because of her, but her baby is innocent in all this.

Mumwithdilemmas Mon 18-Jan-16 19:19:47

Hi Micah, sorry if it smacks of that, but it's not that at all. We were both brought up similarly but ended up very different people.

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