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Friend getting married, secrets from his WTB

(11 Posts)
JohnLewisismydownfall Mon 18-Jan-16 18:12:13

DP and I have a great friend, I'll call him Dave.

When we first met Dave 25 years ago he was married with 2 small DC. Sadly the marriage didn't last, we weren't really told why, but was all reasonably amicable and Dave has seen his DC regularly and has a great relationship with them He's a really lovely, good guy.

About 5 years ago Dave's son told us that his DF was in fact gay and had been going to gay bars, clubs and hook up sites. No judging from us, he was a free man. He didn't mention it to us and we didn't question him, figuring he'd tell us if he wanted to. He certainly didn't seem terribly happy at this point in his life and told us he would like to be married again.

He's since had a succession of GFs and has just announced his engagement. The WTB & Dave are thrilled with each other and are excitedly planning a wedding.

My concern is that his new WTB knows none of his history, according to his DS, nor is she to be told. I'm certainly not going to say anything, not is his DS but equally I feel that if I was getting married I'd be distraught to find out that my new husband has a big chunk of history that I knew nothing about.

His WTB is much younger and I think hoping to get pregnant. His elderly parents would find it hard to accept their DS was gay/bi.

Sorry for the essay but any advice would be welcome.

originalmavis Mon 18-Jan-16 18:16:03

Jeep schtum. It's not your place and he maybe told her already. It just wouldn't work out well if you spoke to her.

Whathaveilost Mon 18-Jan-16 18:16:05

I would keep out and forget the information the son gave tbh.

Nottodaythankyouorever Mon 18-Jan-16 18:17:36

You sound very invested in his life.

How do you know his WTB doesn't know or that what his DS has said is true?

It is all non of you your business though.

HumptyDumptyHadaHardTime Mon 18-Jan-16 18:18:29

You don't know that what the son said is true.

Keep out of it as it's nothing to do with you.

nilbyname Mon 18-Jan-16 18:22:27

In this case- say nothing. Your best friend Dave doesn't know what you know so unless you're going to talk to him about it, you have nothing to say.

JohnLewisismydownfall Mon 18-Jan-16 18:23:00

Fair enough.

I really wouldn't say anything but it does make me feel uncomfortable.
But I can live with that.

Scarydinosaurs Mon 18-Jan-16 18:26:07

How old is the son?

If it was my friend, I would tell him what his son has told me- and ask if everything is ok? Show him I cared and was there for him to talk to. Perhaps there is more to this than you realise and he would appreciate knowing what it is that his son is saying about him. Where has his son got this info? Is it what his mother has said? You have no reason to believe it is true.

LeaLeander Mon 18-Jan-16 18:29:55

People can be bisexual, you know.

I don't feel I owe my current lover a rundown of my sex life over the past 30 years, nor am I interested in his. Regardless of the sex of whomever he was sleeping with. Why do you feel this person's fiancee needs to know a complete history? She must realize she's not marrying a 21-year-old virgin. Beyond that, who cares?

JohnLewisismydownfall Mon 18-Jan-16 18:32:45

The son is 27, recently settled with a partner but the clubbing episodes happened when the son was working in Brighton and his dad came to stay with him.

Because Dave's never told us I feel that it'd be wrong to bring it up as his son told us in confidence.

We rarely see the mum so I've no idea what she knows.

I know it's none of my business. The best outcome would be if they lived happily ever after and I hope they do.

Jw35 Mon 18-Jan-16 19:43:30

You can't really get involved on this one. If it is true he could be bisexual and happy with his wtb or he may not be gay at all, just a funny time in his life. My mum went with another woman for 5 years when I was a teenager, since then she's been married 10 years with a man. It's up to Dave to tell his wtb the whole story.

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