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WWYD if your dad wanted to become a woman

(4 Posts)
MrsN1984 Sun 17-Jan-16 22:07:11

I am beyond confused.
I've known for years but now he wants to have the operation.
I feel like I am going to be fatherless
Very, very long story but looking to talk to someone who's been through this.

SeoulSista Mon 18-Jan-16 04:29:11

Well I'm sorry to hear that and can imagine you are feeling all sorts of things.

Mumsnet is quite gender critical, so there may not be too many people that can offer direct experience. There are also some transwomen (and transmen too I think) here that will be able to give their experience.

What is your father like as a person? If they are a good decent person on the inside that won't change. But if they are selfish, feckless or unkind then no matter what external changes they make their core will be the same.

Do they currently live as a woman, or is that just starting now? What do you want? Some/many children accept their parent transitioning, but you don't have to. If they can offer nothing to support your natural distress at having the rug pulled out from under you then what does that say about them as a person.

Mostly people just rumble along Well enough. But this is cataclysmic and you are allowed to take time to work out your true feelings, or just to step away until things have settled a bit.

MrsN1984 Mon 18-Jan-16 06:57:24

He used to be the doting dad but the past ten years have been very difficult.
He's unreliable, self centred & has been very sneaky about the whole trans thing.
I found out 14 years ago by him leaving a box of things in my old room after I'd moved out (my parents were divorced but mum let him store some boxes at our house).
I asked mum about it and she found out just after they got married.
I didn't want to talk about it but I never treated him differently. I thought it was 'bedroom stuff'.
Then last year he told my mum he's seeing doctors to start a permanent transition!
He's never once approached me about the subject apart from sending me an email with a picture of him dressed as a woman. No warning and to my work email address.
That didn't go down very well.
He has to live as a woman for some time before having any sort of operation and he text me Christmas Eve to tell me that he will wait until after my sons first bday party.
That's the only time in 14yrs (and he knew I knew) than he's mentioned it to me.

I have nothing left to give him and I have no idea how to handle no longer having a dad X

SeoulSista Mon 18-Jan-16 07:47:40

I have nothing left to give him

There's your answer.

He has had so little respect for you, that maybe it is time to put up a few boundaries and take a big step back.

It might help you to read some of the more gender critical views about Trans issues. They may ring a bell with you, and if they don't then that is OK too.

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