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I cannot get on with my children

(5 Posts)
francesr65 Tue 15-Dec-15 21:38:42

single mother of twin DS for ten years, since they were a few months old, and I've had enough. Every day it seems gets spoilt: we don't get through a single mealtime without one of them being horrible to the other or to me, and I'm tired tired tired tired of it. They haven't seen their father for years, he lives abroad, has never paid maintenance. We are on a low income and I do what I can but they don't have as many things as many of their peers, and they get angry about it. Then I get angry back, yelling about what I do for them and how no one does anything for me. It's horrible. I don't know how we've got to this dark, horrible place. I feel my family is a failure, that I've failed at being a mother. I feel very sorry for them for being brought up this way, and sorry for myself at having my life ruined.
I reread this and it sounds like a pathetic, self-indulgent, self-pitying whine. I don't know how I became this person.

VulcanWoman Tue 15-Dec-15 21:46:10

Sorry you are going through a rough time. Do you have any family to help?
I know easier said than done but is it possible to have a frank, honest and calm discussion with your sons on how you can all move forward and try and help each other with your family life.

eastwest Tue 15-Dec-15 21:50:54

I'm so sorry. I haven't anywhere close to the level of stress and difficulty you have to contend with, and yet I have still felt exactly like this - so can only try and imagine how it feels for you. You are not a failure and your family isn't a failure and your life isn't ruined and your children will grow up feeling loved and happy and appreciating you. But I know it isn't easy to believe that right now. flowers and flowers and wine.

Nicegreenhandbag Tue 15-Dec-15 22:08:42

Much sympathy, I have twin boys and there's always bickering or just plain tension.
The added stresses of your situation mean it's tough to break the cycle.
Sounds like you all need a break from each other? Is that possible? Even sending one of the boys to scouts or something affordable so they have an outside influence and bring new things back to the family. The other could do a sports club maybe? Again affordable session with local authority or something. Then importantly you have a break and hopefully recover some energy and fondness for your children?

Boys do get nicer and easier in teenage years I found. wink

Preminstreltension Wed 16-Dec-15 17:14:42

OP I'm sorry things are so tough. Im a single parent too and sometimes its relentless. The bit I think people underestimate is the extent to which you have to be the leader, the captain and the cheerleader every single day no matter how you feel. It's exhausting and sometimes you just don't have enough energy.

You sound like you need a break and some support. Have you looked at Gingerbread? They have local groups and could possibly point you towards some help.

Also I know money is tight but can you focus on creating some fun? Have them one at a time and do something fun. Rediscover your lovely boys and let them rediscover you. I know this sounds a bit vague but you need to bring some laughter into the house and as you are the leader you need to make that happen. What are they interested in that you can connect with?

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