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Feeling excluded

(6 Posts)
flowa79 Mon 07-Dec-15 04:06:09

Maybe im being petty and thin skinned but i feel increasingly pushed out by my hubby and inlaws. Iv been married 20yrs and we have 3 kids. Over the yrs i have been excluded from events and told that its only close family only etc. Understandably iv felt awful at these times, yet when iv approached hubby iv been made to feel as if im in the wrong or being a drama queen. What has really made me feel bad though is at my FIL funeral i was told tradition would be upheld and only close family in 1st car so i sat in 2nd with all the kids. Yes i was upset as i wanted to b there for hubby and also wanted his support as it was an emotional day. They only told us the change in the seating arrangememts as cars arrived. As if that wasnt bad enough during the entire eulogy there was no mention of me as either a DIL, wife or by name. It killed me. ( god i sound selfish) We recently then lost my MIL so i knew what to expect in how the family were going to sort things out. And yes as expected i was seperated from the adults and sitting with the kids only to find several of her friends we invited into the front family car. I kept quiet as i didnt know what to say. The service went hitch free except yet again as a human and family member i wasnt aknowledged. Even mourners apologised to me so it was noticed. Things have got to the point that my eldest has suggested we divorce even though me and hubby dont argue. He just hates how i am constantly snubbed under the guise of not being close family. Im torn and fed up of being hurt

Emochild Mon 07-Dec-15 04:14:37

You may well find that since both his parents have died the family dynamics will change

Personally I wouldn't worry about decisions people make at a time when they are grieving
MIL's friends may have been friends for 60 years and very much part of each others lives, I only see my mil every 3-4 months and then i'm her sons partner and she's much more interested in him than me -that's normal

Atenco Mon 07-Dec-15 04:22:57

I'm sorry you feel like that. Better just to take what is good out of these relationships and leave the rest. What does your husband say?

flowa79 Mon 07-Dec-15 04:29:17

Thank you. I needed a little perspective as i know its hard all around. I think i wouldnt of found these occasions so bad if it was only these done in grief but its been yrs of knock backs. I love my in laws dearly as they are the only family i do have, but feel increasingly lonely with every little and big snub. I also dont want to dwell on this as i know its unhealthy for me and my relationship

flowa79 Mon 07-Dec-15 04:32:34

Hubby always puts his family before me. He the main one that says things are family occasions so im not invited etc sad he cant c that as his wife im also family. If we have fallen out i would understand but nothing like that has ever happened either

Amazemedontbeacunt Mon 07-Dec-15 04:54:03

I would leave to be honest you're his family but not invited to family occasions!? Even your children are snubbed and one has noticed/been upset by it so much they've told you to divorce him!? Wow, I'm so sorry you've been living with thatflowers

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