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DC given in trouble after being racially insulted

(25 Posts)
WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat Sat 05-Dec-15 07:49:46

I'm keeping these details purposely vague, as I've spoken to a couple of people in rl about it and don't know if they Mumsnet.

At school, my DC was being teased by some kids in the class. Some who are friends, and a couple who aren't. These kids who aren't friendly, frequently try to cause trouble - the teacher has spoken to me and made it clear that my dc hasn't done what they were accusing (previously).

Anyway, yesterday my DC was 'jokingly' being repeatedly called something which was mildly racist, although, ironically not accurate as that isn't where we are from, but the two places are often confused (here).

When my DC pointed out the inaccuracy of the name calling, and said "I'm not even from there, and anyway, that's actually pretty racist", one of the unfriendly kids started crying, and took personal offence at 'being called a racist' (even though my DC had made the statement to 7 or 8 people who had been teasing).

So the teacher then made MY DC apologise to the kid who was crying for upsetting them!

My DC has been left upset at the unjustness of the whole situation and I'm so angry that once again that kid has turned on the tears when it was them throwing around racial insults!

How do I deal with this without being that parent. I can't let it go but I'm not sure what to say, who to speak to (teacher/principle), whether to go in or email? WWYD?

SavoyCabbage Sat 05-Dec-15 08:03:26

How old are they? Your DS must be pretty together is he managed to say "I'm not even from there, and anyway, that's actually pretty racist" whilst being verbally attacked by a group of seven of eight children.

SavoyCabbage Sat 05-Dec-15 08:06:37

Whoops, posted too soon.

I wouldn't let it go either. I would make an appointment to go and see the teacher to find out what exactly happened. I think you need to actually speak to her. It's awful that there were so many of them ganging up on him whatever happened.

WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat Sat 05-Dec-15 08:07:28

They are yr6 - most are 12, but my DC is only 11 (second youngest in class). My DC is articulate and pretty thick skinned usually, but this has really rankled (both of us).

hesterton Sat 05-Dec-15 08:09:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat Sat 05-Dec-15 08:09:16

What upsets me also is the fact that my DC was defending them all by saying that it was mostly being said in a 'jokey' way, but was obviously upset enough about it to challenge it.

WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat Sat 05-Dec-15 08:10:39

No, not in England. Other side of the world. Casual racism is sometimes ignored here. sad

MumCodes Sat 05-Dec-15 08:12:38

I'd speak to the school. Throwing around racial slurs, even jokingly, is unacceptable. Perhaps in a smaller group, and away from other people out might be OK if it is a joke, but the school needs to drum into the kids that what they are doing is wrong.

And punishing your son for calling them on it? WTF! Sets such a terrible example. I think you should be that mum, they were well out of other.

MumCodes Sat 05-Dec-15 08:13:49

Order! Out of order. Bloody fat fingers.

originalmavis Sat 05-Dec-15 08:14:22

Speak to the teacher and tell him/her what happened. Kids that age are very aware of racism - DS (11) is fully aware and it seems to be something they discuss in class. For the child to cry indicated that he knows its a bad thing.

Cookingongas Sat 05-Dec-15 08:14:50

Id be that parent in this scenario.

The teacher has failed badly- an accusation of racism should be taken seriously - regardless if it's the child who has potentially been racist who cries first- and each child should have been spoken to to find out exactly what was said- in today's culture any racist remarks need to then be recorded and acted upon. The school need to look into further training and awareness at minimum. Be that parent. Nip this in the bud now- if not for your son, but to ensure that the school have proper awareness and policy around what is a serious issue, that can impact on many.

WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat Sat 05-Dec-15 08:18:51

Thank you for all your replies - it's really made me feel much better about going in and speaking to the school. I feel really sad for my DC - telling me, and playing it down at the same time.

Pico2 Sat 05-Dec-15 08:27:37

I think that schools have a duty to record racist incidents, so I'd start by checking that the racist bit has been recorded. I'd guess from what you've said that it hasn't been, so that should bring it to someone senior's attention.

WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat Sat 05-Dec-15 08:29:29

I didn't realise that schools had to record racist insults - that could be my starting point.

ArmchairTraveller Sat 05-Dec-15 08:46:01

Schools here in the UK do, and it's taken very seriously even in primary. But you are not in the UK, so you need to check.
If it's not, then you need to start keeping a log of incidents as evidence in case the situation worsens.

WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat Sat 05-Dec-15 09:26:29

I'm worried that the insult will be viewed as 'jokey' and not properly racist. I really do want to deal with this, but scared that I won't be taken seriously.

steppemum Sat 05-Dec-15 09:29:36

if this is UK teacher should actually have made a note of this incident as all racial incidents have to be recorded.

How is it your dcs fault that the other child was racist!

ArmchairTraveller Sat 05-Dec-15 09:34:57

If it's percieved as racist by the target, then it needs to be taken seriously. Even if the deliverer intended it to be a joke.

WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat Sat 05-Dec-15 09:38:10

I don't know. All I know is that this other kid has made all sorts of accusations against my DC and turned on the tears to enforce it, but the teacher has made a point of telling me that my DC has done nothing wrong. I've no idea why this time, my DC seems to have been punished for standing up for themselves. It's just made my DC feel that things are so very unfair.

Goztepe Sat 05-Dec-15 09:39:57

OP... are you Oz? Just wondering when you spoke of casual's all over the place there and the innocent shock on people's faces when I'd call them out on it always irritated.

ArmchairTraveller Sat 05-Dec-15 09:40:55

Seriously, go and talk with the teacher, and start a record of any incidents.
I find the idea that I'm keeping track, in a positive and reasonable manner, tends to make the adults involved pay attention.
Speaking as a teacher and a parent.

enderwoman Sat 05-Dec-15 09:43:46

You have to be that parent and go in. No way should your son apologise.

On a separate note what's the kid going to do in y7 where turning on the waterworks will be social suicide unless it's a physical injury or something? wink

WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat Sat 05-Dec-15 09:58:17

Yes, I'm in oz. The casual racism and disablism (sp?) can be quite depressing.

My DC is going to an academically selective high school where the bullying protocol is first class, but unfortunately one of the unpleasant kids is also going. (3 kids from the primary passed the exam). I'm hoping the tears won't cut it in Yr7.

Goztepe Sat 05-Dec-15 16:42:59

I do hope it gets better for you in high school. Maybe also make sure your dc understands that casual racism, even "joking" is not ok and doesn't need to tolerate's like casual sexism, joking that a woman's place is doing the ironing. Ha bloody ha, until the salaries get compared.

At least Tony Abbot has been kicked out...surely a step towards minimising discrimination grin

originalmavis Sat 05-Dec-15 17:37:15

So he starts a new school in January? I'd still speak to the be school. Do they do work with the kids there on anti bullying?

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