be blackmailed, or not?

(13 Posts)
Butwhyohwhy Tue 01-Dec-15 15:39:09

Exp was told by his lawyer that it is his responsibility to travel to see DC. Exp did it for a while but as soon as mediation finished (last week) he said he won't pay child maintenance anymore

CMS won't be able to catch up with him as he quit his job the last time to avoid them, and although he's wealthy, he has it well hidden and I am unable to prove this

So he doesn't work as he can afford not to. I work mon-fri 9-5 in a very demanding job (physically and mentally) and only have DS 1 full weekend and 1 saturday evening into the Sunday.

Exp has said if I don't travel I don't get cm. I am struggling financially and without it I'll be lucky if I can pay all bills, quality of life will be worse.

If I travel, my car will take a beating with miles and repairs etc and will be paying more for petrol, 50mile round trip 3 out of four weekends

WWYD? Say ok you win, I'll travel as I desperately need the cm. Or say no and do without?

howtorebuild Tue 01-Dec-15 15:43:38

He sounds like my ex. Stick with the mediation agreement, don't enter into a new on. If he wants to change it he goes back to mediation. Use CMS as rubbish as they are. Don't be abused or let your child see this is ok behaviour.

Butwhyohwhy Tue 01-Dec-15 15:47:28

I can't afford any presents now for anyone as obviously bills come first. So Christmas is pretty much cancelled sad I hate him for this

He did it last November too

But I'm tempted to offer to drive up for a month or so even to see me through Christmas then follow through with CMS. But then I'm giving him what he wants, aren't I..

Butwhyohwhy Tue 01-Dec-15 16:11:17

I have til 6pm to decide what to do as DS is being dropped off then. Don't know what to dosad

LaurieFairyCake Tue 01-Dec-15 16:14:36

I can only say what I'd do and that's never travel and never show it bothered me.

But I would pursue him with cms, and gather evidence for his lifestyle not being consistent with his earnings.

He is used to telling you what to do and manipulating you. He could easily get you to drive there and not give you the money.

So sorry for you thanks

MythicalKings Tue 01-Dec-15 16:14:41

Does he have family or friends who matter to him?

Play him at his own game and say you'll forward his texts/messages so people can see what he's really like.

Butwhyohwhy Tue 01-Dec-15 16:31:09

Ideally I'd love to do that.but the reality is I can't pay my childcare bill on Friday or do a food shop this weekend so I'm feeling pretty desperate unfortunately

He is very clever with text messages and never says anything incriminating. He won't even admit to not paying cm by text

howtorebuild Tue 01-Dec-15 16:33:13

Save petrol money for Xmas gifts.

Butwhyohwhy Tue 01-Dec-15 16:34:28

.....without being overdrawn that is! We won't actually starve as such. But living in an overdraft is a nightmare I'd rather not suffer, so stressful.

Butwhyohwhy Tue 01-Dec-15 16:37:21

Aibu? It's a 50mile round trip which he does on a fri and sun three out of four weekends

But he doesn't work, in his time off he is most likely renovating all the flats he owns to sell at a profit

howtorebuild Tue 01-Dec-15 16:38:07

Stop letting him control you.

Donge13 Tue 01-Dec-15 16:38:09

Op I would not be blackmailed by him do I would not travel, I would use cms to try and get the money, I would also not enter into a conversation about it with him, all corespondent would now be via email so what ever threats he makes would be in writing.

MythicalKings Tue 01-Dec-15 16:50:38

It will never stop if you give in. Stand firm.

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