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Do i NEED to put my child into nursery?? is it compulsory?

(48 Posts)
mrsjoker35 Sat 28-Nov-15 13:34:01

I've not even HAD my baby yet ,due date is tomorrow. But people have been speaking to me about nursery already, and I'm not sure why..

Ok so i dont plan on working until my child is old enough to be in school(my partner works, and is on his way on becoming manager) ,then i can work whilst their in school and then i can bring in my share ,i really dont want to miss out on precious years with my child to be honest..
But yeah, do i NEED to put my child into nursery?
My plans where to ,once my babies room is sorted ,kit it out with a white board, books,paints ,toys, flash cards etc etc, and turn it into my own wee nursery and teach my child all the basics before I send them off to school :') i could cover the educational part,but obviously its the other child, interaction i would need to figure out, and i thought, playgroups... I would much rather watch on a few days a week while my child interacted with other kids other than dropping my kid off all day, while i sit on my ass and let other people teach my kid stuff ,then go get off my ass just to pick them up ....
Like is there any kind of "must" that you should put your child in nursery because i feel as if i dont need day care for my child i can care for my child lol...
Everyone seems to be just throwing the nursery thing in my face as if is compulsory or something... And those are the people who just put their kid into nursery for like 3-4 hours then go collect them like whats the point in that??

Snossidge Sat 28-Nov-15 13:37:03

Nursery isn't compulsory but almost all children take up the 15 free hours at 3-4. The point of it is that it benefits the children confused

Once you've had your baby and they are getting to nursery age, you might see more clearly that it should be about what's best for them, not you wanting to keep hold of them.

BikeRunSki Sat 28-Nov-15 13:38:16

Nothing is compulsory until the term they turn 5.

MyCircusMyMonkeys Sat 28-Nov-15 13:38:28

No you don't have to put your LO into nursery and no it isn't compulsory, but it's hugely beneficial for your child.

You can be a great parent. You can be a great teacher.

You can't be 15 other 3-year olds.

dementedpixie Sat 28-Nov-15 13:41:35

The point is they get to interact with other children, learn to take turns, be a bit more independent, maybe do things they wouldn't do at home. It is fun for them, not a chore!!

You sound a bit self righteous for someone who hasn't even had their child yet.

OvO Sat 28-Nov-15 13:43:09

There's no must. Wait and see what suits you and your DC, there's no need to make a decision now.

People do like to make out that they'll end up unsociable feral beasts if they don't do nursery but it's safe to ignore that nonsense.

One of mine did a couple of hours of nursery from age 2-3 then we took him out, he then started school when he was 8.
Youngest went to nursery at age 5 and started school at 6.

MyGastIsFlabbered Sat 28-Nov-15 13:43:25

No-one can make you however you might find that once your baby gets older you're actually grateful to put them in nursery to have a few hours just for you. I'm sure it doesn't seem possible you would ever want to be parted from your child, but the reality of parenting is a lot different from the fantasy world you dream up whilst pregnant (trust me on this!)
The reason the 15 free hours is provided is because it's thought to benefit the child, why wouldn't you want that? There are all sorts of things your child can only experience in a group of their peers, no matter how good a parent you are.

Aliceinwonderlust Sat 28-Nov-15 13:46:47

I assume you must be hormonal because this thread is plain weird. What do you think is going to happen if you don't put your baby in nursery? Someone is going to arrest you?

Or is it more you wanted a dig at those of us who don't have time to fuck around with crappy homemade nurseries which your baby won't give a crap about, or benefit much from, by the way?

BackforGood Sat 28-Nov-15 13:46:53

There's no 'must' about it, but, as I see this LO isn't even born yet, you might want to be a bit less vocal about all the things you are going to do, when you don't have the experience of actually having a child wink

A lot of people will just be making conversation about 'what are you thinking about Nurseries' as many, many people have to go back to work when their dc are little, and just assume it's the same for everyone. They aren't telling you, you have to.

tuilamum Sat 28-Nov-15 13:49:38

I'm quite a bit older than my siblings so I remember this stage quite well. My mum put my sister and brothers into playgroup when they were about 2.5 - 3ish. They only went for mornings and then just before they started primary school they practised staying for lunch etc but left early afternoons. It prepares kids for being without you for a bit and lets then make friends, some of whom will probably be with them in primary school.
My cousin on the other hand only went to playgroup for a couple of months before primary school and had trouble at school due to behaviour. Turns out that the other kids were convincing him to do stuff and because he had no idea it wasn't what you were supposed to do, he went along with it and ended up being the one in trouble.
I think its quite beneficial to just get kids used to the whole routine and rules of school in a slightly less formal setting, its not about the knowledge, its the experience that counts.

SouthYarraYobbo Sat 28-Nov-15 13:50:59

I'd wait until you've actually had dc before you write off 15 hours free childcare a week. You sound like you've got an idea of how you expect motherhood to be, try to allow some flexibility in thought to accommodate what your dc decide!

YokoUhOh Sat 28-Nov-15 13:55:23

OP, you need to visit a nursery and see what goes on there. Do some research. Your child, whenever he/she is ready, will benefit from spending time with other children and adults.

Baconyum Sat 28-Nov-15 13:55:52

No you don't HAVE TO. But I have to say given you've not even had your child yet you can't possibly know what you'll WANT to do, plus it depends on the child plus unforeseen circumstances. I mean I don't wish it on you but the economy is still precarious and you don't know if husband's work is guaranteed, you could split, he could take ill etc.

Also I'm an ex cm and nanny but my dd wow! Never slept through at that age, extremely energetic and chatty, needed lots of stimulation etc etc. I needed the break! That was why she went couple mornings a week to start. Then ex cheated and we split and I went back to uni so she had to go.

Robotgirl Sat 28-Nov-15 13:57:13

Agree with Mycircus
My daughter is 3. When she's at nursery I am either at work or getting on top of all the jobs at home. Rarely 'sitting on my arse'
You will need you time, your child will need their time. Interaction with other kids & adults for your child is IMO totally beneficial.
Re-read your post in 2 years time!

Baconyum Sat 28-Nov-15 14:01:38

Agree with pp saying you need to be flexible too. Motherhood is a learning curve for everyone. Even though I had loads of experience with babies and small children I'd never had the ultimate responsibility with sleepless nights, bf, weaning, sleep routine (ha! What routine!), discipline, decision making...

It's a shock to the system!

There was a thread recently something like 'what I thought before I had kids' full of people who'd thought

I'll never put my child in nursery
I'll never use a dummy
I'll ebf till they're 4 etc

It doesn't always ever work like that!

mrsjoker35 Sat 28-Nov-15 14:02:26

Thanks for the less nasty, angry, insulting comments flowers smile ....

Ok so its not compulsory, okay ,good thanks :D
But i never thought about the school routine part! hmm which sounds good,actually.
Would i need to use the whole 15 hours a week if i use any??
I , as a child hated being away from my mum the first year of school and i was in nursery before school

BackforGood Sat 28-Nov-15 14:05:05

Are you reading a different thread? confused
No-one has written anything nasty, angry or insulting....well, apart from some of your comments in the opening post hmm

Aliceinwonderlust Sat 28-Nov-15 14:07:11

Why are you asking if you need to use the whole 15 hours? Who would know? You need to relax and wait - this is THREE years time we're talking about.

Whatsinaname2011 Sat 28-Nov-15 14:08:52

I'll never let them watch any TV
I'll never let them drown their food in sugary ketchup
I'll never feed them formula
I'll never use food as a "treat" i'll treat them with my time, not chocolate

Ahhhh the blissful ignorance we all have when pregnant.

You may find you hate being a SAHM and go back to work. I did... it wasn't for me and I really thought it would be.

RoganJosh Sat 28-Nov-15 14:10:34

We just used 9 hours a week to do three mornings a week. It seemed like good preparation for school. You can do less than 15 hours at some settings but not all.

BondJayneBond Sat 28-Nov-15 14:11:25

You don't have to send them to nursery if you don't want to.

But there are benefits. I think it does help to prepare them for school - not so much letters / numbers etc, but getting used to things like socialising with other children, learning to listen to other adults, take turns, becoming more independent, plus the chance to do a greater range of activities. E.g. I'm not keen on messy play at home because of the cleaning up afterwards, but the DC get to do lots of that at nursery.

And I find it can be useful to have a few child free hours while DC are at nursery to get on with errands or household chores without having to keep half an eye on the DC. It's not always easy to schedule this stuff for after bedtime or when another adult's available to look after the DC.

nancy75 Sat 28-Nov-15 14:11:42

Nursery is a good way for a child to get used to doing something without you and does prepare them for school. I didn't work and didn't need to use nursery but my dd went for a couple of hours every day.
As an only child she loved having other children to play with, she loved playing with different toys, listening to different people reading her stories.
I was quite anti nursery, it was my mum that persuaded me to send her and I was so glad I did.

OvO Sat 28-Nov-15 14:12:38

The first nursery I used was very arsey if you didn't use the full free 15 hours. We had letters home saying he could lose his place. hmm. All because occasionally we'd go out for the day instead of sending him in. And it really was just occasionally.

So that's something to check on when/if you do think about nursery.

AndNowItsSeven Sat 28-Nov-15 14:19:33

I doubt you could " cover the educational part" judging by your op.

WorzelsCornyBrows Sat 28-Nov-15 14:19:08

You don't have to do anything other than send them to school from the age of 5. However, I do think there is a benefit to socialising your children before they go to school, otherwise it can be an enormous shock to the system. 15hrs a week isn't a lot and you might be grateful for it when the time comes.

What do you think will happen to your pfb if you put them in nursery for a few hours a day from the age of 3? If you put the effort into finding a nursery you are happy with you shouldn't have any reservations about sending your child there.

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