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My friend took my child's dummy from him

(126 Posts)
Loz1982 Thu 20-Aug-15 17:53:10

Hello Ladies

I'm brand new on here but have been an obsessive lurker for a long time! And thanks to this lurking have picked up some fabulous advice on all sorts of issues. So thank you to you all!
I have a dilemma and was wondering if anyone could help me.
At the weekend we were at a friends BBQ (this friend is also DS's Godmother) and DS lost his dummy. He wasn't feeling particularly well (teething and temp) so we had arrange for in laws to pick him up after a couple of hours of socialising.
He became quite fractious for the last 20mins or so and I went to give him his dummy and it was nowhere to be seen.
Luckily I had a spare but was stumped as to where the first had gone
Turns out (I found this out this morning), my friend (his godmother) had taken it from him and hidden it in her DH's pocket and when we had gone home she told the rest of our friends what she'd done! Apparently she said "I took it from him because he doesn't need it".
I was naturally furious but DH is saying let it go...but I'm obviously not listening to him! Lol!
Any advice on how handle this is welcome!

jeronimoh Thu 20-Aug-15 17:57:00

Does she have her own children? shock

jeronimoh Thu 20-Aug-15 17:57:47

Next time she's having a glass of wine take it from her as she 'doesn't need it.'

ImperialBlether Thu 20-Aug-15 17:58:49

It's none of her business whether your son has a dummy or not and she was very mean hiding it like that when he wasn't well. Who does she think she is?

FarelyKnuts Thu 20-Aug-15 17:59:19

Ask your friend for the dummy back and tell her to mind her own business?

Or let it go.

Either are valid options. People have opinions on everything you do as a parent. Such is life.

babyiwantabump Thu 20-Aug-15 18:00:24


Not a nice thing to do especially as he was poorly!

How old is he?

Loz1982 Thu 20-Aug-15 18:03:41

Yes, one, who incidentally is my godson!
I just feel that what she did was really stepping over the line.
She disapproves strongly with dummies and she wouldn't let her DS have one and has always commented that mine doesn't need his either.
But the whole reason we gave him one back when he was very little was on the doctors recommendation due to bad reflux. And I must say it was brilliant.
He's 14 months now and uses it much less frequently with very passing month. Usually just nap times, bedtime and when he's very upset or feeling under the weather. I feel that he's naturally weaning himself off it without realising and I'm quite happy to let him do this.
But she doesn't agree with a lot of the decisions I make and regularly makes comments about my parenting! I know she's not being malicious but she's very "know it all" because her DS is older than mine

patterkiller Thu 20-Aug-15 18:04:14

What a cow. I would be saying something tbh. It has nothing to do with her whether he had two in his mouth and holding one ahem dd1, she's now 17 btw and doesn't have one
Call her and ask her why she did it, then be silent and let her dig her own hole.

bittapitta Thu 20-Aug-15 18:06:48

Wow only 14 months sad your friend is no friend to be doing that. We never used a dummy but friends of mine still gave one to their children aged 2 when the need arose. WWYD? Rethink the friendship, no need to explain to her.

FarelyKnuts Thu 20-Aug-15 18:07:32

I hate dummies and was totally against them for my child but I still wouldn't dream of commenting nor robbing it out of another child's mouth ffs!

TPel Thu 20-Aug-15 18:10:26

I didn't do dummies but had many friends who did. It was none of my business, just as it was none of hers. I'm sure there were plenty of hmm when she admitted her crime. She stole from a baby!

AcrossthePond55 Thu 20-Aug-15 18:10:46

I disapprove of dummies and my children never had them, but I would NEVER take one away from someone else's child. Firstly, it's not my problem business. Secondly, there may be a very good medical or emotional reason why they have one.

Loz1982 Thu 20-Aug-15 18:12:37

Jeronimoh- I love the wine idea! She loves her wine!
ImperialBlether- That was my exact thinking!
FarleyKnuts - I got it back the next morning, she said she found it clearing up and I never thought anything of it at the time. I only found out from a friend today that all this had happened.
Babyiwantabump- He's 14months

I just feel I need to tread carefully as we are both part of a large group of close friends (a lot of whom are related to her! Typical!) and I don't want to cause a problem for the group as a whole. Speaking from experience, one person can change a whole group dynamic!
I'm thinking of hanging onto the info for a while and then the next time we're all together just dropping it into conversation (within context obvs!). I was thinking it might be better to let her know that I'm onto her and that she didn't get away with it without outright having a go at her. Plus maybe saying something in front of the group (not shaming..just mentioning) will perhaps make her realise she was out of order. What do you all think?
I sound very soft don't I! I'm just trying to be diplomatic for everyone's sake. But I'll be watching her with eagle eyes from now on!

zzzzz Thu 20-Aug-15 18:17:06

I think you should phone her and tell her you are really upset and that she has MASSIVELY overstepped.
Undermining her godsons mother will do far more harm than any dummy would/could.

She is very VERY rude!

jeronimoh Thu 20-Aug-15 18:17:24

Had she been drinking a lot? If she really was so against dummies she should have told you what she did and stated her reasons instead of pretending to 'find' it.

DriverSurpriseMe Thu 20-Aug-15 18:18:49

I can't abide dummy snobs. You HATE them? Well, jog on and and find something actually worth hating, because I personally can't find it within myself to have an opinion on whether or not a child has a dummy, older children having dummies, blankies or any other comfort object. Genuinely don't understand why people have such strong opinions about something so trivial.

Next time OP, make sure your son has a dummy in his mouth and one in each hand

zzzzz Thu 20-Aug-15 18:20:58


Sounds like you are scared she will turn the group against you. She's a bully, show your child how to behave. Do not be underhand or attempt to "get the crowd behind you" just be direct and tell her not to do it again and that she has upset you.

LimitedSedition Thu 20-Aug-15 18:21:32

That is really mean. Plain mean.

14mo is no age to be worrying about dummies at all.

Miserable self righteous cow, she needs a good talking to about boundaries I think.

Loz1982 Thu 20-Aug-15 18:21:41

I can't tag everyone as I keep losing track of who's commented (new to this and technical dunce!) but thank you all for the comments! It helps to know I'm not just overreacting. I'm currently 11 weeks pregnant with DC no 2 and was worried I was just letting the old rage hormones take over!
I never used to have an opinion on dummies before having a child. But like a lot of you have said...even if I was VERY strongly against them, I would NEVER comment or criticise another person for giving one to their child. And I would definitely not take it upon myself to interfere!!
Your support means a lot ladies!

jeronimoh Thu 20-Aug-15 18:23:01

Agree with zzzzz. She sounds like the type of person who would love the chance to have this out in front of a crowd.

lunar1 Thu 20-Aug-15 18:26:55

I think you need to tell her that she overstepped. I think if you did it in a group she would love the chance to lecture on the evils of dummies.

SuburbanRhonda Thu 20-Aug-15 18:31:34

Is there any way you can make absolutely sure the story you heard from the others is correct?

It would be awful to confront her and then find out she was telling the truth about finding the dummy while clearing up.

I would wait until it's just you and her, then say that the other friends told you she'd taken the dummy from your DS and you were wondering why they would say that, as she'd already told you she found it while tidying up?

blibblobblub Thu 20-Aug-15 18:38:18

Wtf. I'd be fucking livid.

I'm not that keen on dummies myself but we do use one because DD needed soothing and my nipples had had enough! I'm not overly proud of using one but if anyone took it from her I'd be furious.

zzzzz Thu 20-Aug-15 18:47:02

Why does it make a difference who likes or doesn't like dummies?? confused

I don't like lots of things, and wouldn't dream of stealing them from other people's children shock

Loz1982 Thu 20-Aug-15 18:49:05

Haha! I'm loving these posts guys! You're all cheering me up immensely!! It's good to hear other opinions and ideas about this.
One of you mentioned that I might be worried she'll turn the group against me? It's really not that, it's just that I've been in situations where one or two people having an issue with each other can really affect the rest of the group. And I just don't want to make anyone else feel uncomfortable. Ive been one of those uncomfortable ones and its rotten!
I think what I'm going to do is wait til we're all together again...should be in a couple of weeks, and in just going to make a lighthearted jokey comment like "X just so you know, I've brought several spare dummies just in case you accidentally drop one in DH's pocket again!!"
But then when I have a moment alone with her I'm just going to say quite nicely but firmly that I let it go the first time because I'd like to think she was just wasnt thinking properly after a couple of vinos but that if it happens again...then we WILL have a problem because she crossed a line.

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