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(12 Posts)
LMonkey Thu 23-Jul-15 00:49:02

OK its MIL's 60th in a couple of weeks. The ILs have decided they want the family to go for an evening meal at a hotel in a nearby town and to make things "easier", everyone stay the night. This consists of myself and DP, our 2.5 yr old and 5 mth old, SIL and hubby with their toddler and 10 mth old, BIL and pregnant wife and MIL and FIL. The meal is meant to start at 6pm meaning realistically knowing the family we won't even order until 7pm earliest, then eat, then drinks, desserts etc. Its going to mean we are going to have very tired children on our hands, the toddlers may be OK but won't be much fun with my baby. We will have to go to our room after dinner, put the kids to bed in the SAME room (should be interesting with my over-tired hyped up toddler and my baby who wakes up at the sound of a pin drop) then I'll have to stay there for the rest of the night (while DP rejoins the others). SIL says there's a service where the hotel can listen in to the room if you want to leave the room and notify you if any noises - but I'm personally not comfortable with doing that. Then during the night my baby will wake up and probably wake my toddler up. What I'm getting at is that its a massive pain in the arse! And more than anything the main point for me is the complete lack of consideration. Yes, I know its her 60th but what the hell is wrong with having it at a family friendly time like lunch so that we can all relax, no tired children, no stressed parents etc. I just can't believe anyone would feel comfortable celebrating their birthday by putting so many people out. They did the same thing when it was my FILs 60th a couple of years ago, arranged an evening do despite having young grandchildren. There was no hotel option, it was hire a babysitter or not go, so I didn't go as that way it would only cost a third of the cost for my DP to go on his own than hiring a sitter and paying for me to go too. SIL has even offered to pay for us to stay at the hotel which is very nice but only because she knows we have no money and otherwise its quite a big ask.

I know I sound like a whinging cow but the ILs really piss me off! They are lovely but can be inadvertently inconsiderate.

AIBU? As I said its the principle of the matter, the lack of thought for the people its going to be a nightmare for.

LittleBearPad Thu 23-Jul-15 00:54:15

Why can't the baby sleep in its pushchair downstairs?

chumbler Thu 23-Jul-15 01:37:09

have you asked them to have it at lunch?

3littlefrogs Thu 23-Jul-15 04:55:34

Do you know what?
I just wouldn't go. Let DH go and he can explain that it is just impossible to do this kind of evening event with a baby and a toddler.

I have put up with my inconsiderate in laws for 35 years. Looking back I have realised that virtually all the stress and difficulties I have experienced over the years could mostly have been avoided if I had just said "sorry, that won't work for us".

Going along with inconsiderate people just means they never learn any consideration.

LMonkey Thu 23-Jul-15 11:29:41

Baby has a set bedtime routine and barely naps during the day. Some babies can sleep anywhere but not this one.

I haven't ask them to have it at lunchtime, I haven't spoken to them directly about it, this has all come through SIL to DP, and quite honestly I don't know if I could be so bold.

Funnily enough 3littlefrogs that was my take on it the last time this happened...and annoyingly they still havent learned! Its just hopeless.

Kafri Sun 26-Jul-15 23:56:15

I'm with you OP.
I only have one but that one was a great sleeper - as long as he was in his cot. Sleep anywhere else was an absolute no go!!!! Even at 2.5 we wouldn't stay in a hotel room as he will not sleep while others are in the room!!
I had a lot of judgmental comments off people when he was a baby saying that I shouldn't let him rule the roost or that a baby was supposed to fit into my life not me change my habits to accommodate a baby. I chose to ignore them and do what worked for him knowing that it wouldn't be forever.
In this instance, I'm afraid I just wouldn't have gone along. At months old, the world was coming to an end at 6pm if he couldn't have his bed and In all honesty if id gone along I would probably have been asked to leave because of he noise he was making.
Give your apologies and say that it's just not going to work with 2dc in a hotel, send DH along and you settle down with a box set once they're tucked in their own beds.
If you get on well with the in laws you could perhaps suggest a lunch time instead of evening. If you don't then not sure I'd bother trying to offer an alternative.

TigerFeat Sun 26-Jul-15 23:59:34

Either get a babysitter and go but don't stay, or let dh go on his own and stay over.

I couldn't be doing with that hassle.

akaMama Mon 27-Jul-15 00:00:04

Just don't go. YANBU.

SonceyD0g Mon 27-Jul-15 00:08:32

Do the same as we always do when in laws have birthdays/weddings tell them we're so sorry but we've booked a holiday that week so won't be able to come. Hope you have a lovely time and send them a nice card and gift.
Our in laws our lovely at a great distance!
Last family bash they had ended in the police being called when someone bit off a part of his uncles ear. Think that may have been a funeral......
Sorry that may not be helpful in your case but really just say no it's not that hard. Why worry so much? They obviously weren't worrying too much about your situation when they decided what they wanted. Offer to cook them a lovely meal at yours?

BackforGood Mon 27-Jul-15 00:12:06

In your circumstances I would not bother with the hotel, and I'd get a babysitter. Then you and dh can go and enjoy the evening.
If MiL complains then explain that's past their bed time, they wouldn't cope and it would just make the meal difficult for everyone. Smile and move on. If she then persists, explain clearly to her that the dc are too young for an evening meal and if she wanted to include them she should have arranged a lunchtime do.

Sandbrook Mon 27-Jul-15 15:07:05

I think it is U to arrange an evening do and invite very small children but for adults only evening they are perfectly entitled.
Maybe organise a sitter for yours and go stay the night.
They are gps with no young children so can have an evening celebration if that's what they want

LMonkey Thu 30-Jul-15 15:53:45

Thanks for your replies....thought people had stopped reading this thread so have only just seen the last few!

Unfortunately dd cannot be looked after by anyone else but me - its a total nightmare. She won't take a bottle and screams if anyone else holds her for more than a few minutes, otherwise the babysitter idea would be an obvious and great option. I really have no option but to have her with me.

Of course they are entitled to do what they want but personally if it was my celebration I would want everyone to have a hassle-free time, not having to deal with tired kids and having to go off to try and put them to bed etc. If it were me i wouldnt be able to enjoy it if I knew my children were going to be stressed out. And really, wouldn't you like your grandchildren to be part of the celebration?? If they held it at lunch they could always carry it on into the evening.

Anyway at the mo I don't think I'll be going. I'm actually a bit more hurt by the inconsideration than perhaps I should allow myself to be. Also I don't get to do much anymore so I feel sad that I'll be missing out.

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