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Help and advise on how to deal with MIL

(6 Posts)
Maybear Mon 22-Jun-15 12:36:09

So my baby is 6 weeks old and I don't want to leave my baby with my MIL. She has already asked at 2 days old when can I look after him! She always gives her 2 pence worth and keeps saying when are you going to give him water..! She isn't up with the times and even when she gave him a bottle she kept tipping it up when I keep her tips she ignores me and states how she never gave my husband a bottle he went from breast to cup! I find it a dig even though I am exclusively breast feeding and it was an expressed bottle. The thing is my FIL and his partner will be coming round to look after him whilst we go out for an anniversary dinner and she will end up finding out and there is so many times you can put someone off. I think the best approach is to be upfront but how do you soften the blow? I just feel no matter what I say she will go and do what she thinks behind my back and him water and rice/ Rusks biscuits. The other thing that worries me is her OH he is quite weird and she has even said that he said he feels uncomfortable around the baby confused I could use that as an excuse but I know she will say I will come alone. Help!

LazyLouLou Mon 22-Jun-15 14:50:01

Take a deep breath. She is your MIL not a fire breathing dragon.

Have a cup of tea/coffee with her and tell her, calmly, plainly, that you would like her to babysit but she has to stop overriding you.

Tell her about the bottle having been expressed: if she thinks bottles are bad she can wait for a year before she has a chance to babysit

Tell her your thoughts on water, rusks, rice etc: if she disagrees/insists tell her she will, again, wait until after you have weaned before babysitting.

Tell her that he OH is more than welcome to spend time with you and your DC, if he wants to, but that you understand if babies 'aren't his thing'.

That way you can be assertive and still leave her all the choices in the world smile

beedeepullen Mon 22-Jun-15 17:55:17

You don't need to explain your self hun!!

You are your childs mum. No one else.
YES she may mean well.
But just tell her once and once only and very calmly.

every one has there own technique and although you are taking her comments on board, you would prefer and will do things your way.

also let her know that your baby is still so young and you are not ready to hand him over to anyone just now as you would like this time to bond.

all though do thank her for offering to have your baby and let her know that if you would like some help or a baby sitter then you will ask her.

MIL mean well but they can be so annoying

Maybear Mon 22-Jun-15 18:18:12

I feel comfortable leaving my baby with my husbands dad and partner how do I get round not leaving my baby with my MIL? She will find out that with have left him with them to. I know it sounds bad but I don't feel comfortable leaving him with her. She constantly asks how do I deal with this? confused

amarmai Mon 22-Jun-15 18:38:05

Tell her the truth calmly. You do not need to make excuses. You made the baby.

Kafri Mon 29-Jun-15 23:43:33

You tell her the truth - at the moment you don't feel able to trust that she will follow your 'rules' if left alone with him.

Do you have your husbands support,aye he could explain instead of you.

Your baby, your rules.

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