godparent quandry(3 Posts)
I recently moved abroad with my fella to be closer to his family and just to get out of London, we'd been trying for a baby for a few years with no success and I think it was down to stress of my job. I am now 6 months pregnant since moving here and although signed off sick from work at the mo and finding things a bit tougher than I expected in terms of language, solitude, other stuff that's irrelevant to this query, am generally happy and glad to be here.
Last weekend, I got a bit upset with him over something and stormed off in a huff in front of some of his family and friends. Later, I felt guilty and although I didn't want to apologise cos it was his fault, felt I should for making people feel awkward.
However, after I'd taken myself off to bed, turns out he got into an argument with his sister cos she asked who was going to be godparent to our child. It's not something we as parents to be have discussed yet other than thinking we could maybe choose one each or one from each 'side' type thing MAYBE, but he gave an answer anyway, just saying I would probably want my best friend and he would probably choose his sister's husband.
She got pissed off and left, then posted something vague on Facebook like people do to the effect that he'd broken a promise to her and how upset she was.
So now I'm miffed, 1 that she asked a question when I wasn't there, that she has no real right to ask of us, and 2 that I now feel guilt tripped into having to ask someone to be a godparent rather than coming to the choice myself/ourselves.
Fact of the matter is, in my head I was thinking we have 2 UK godparents from 'my side' and 2 non UK from his.... making it all balanced for the good of the child. But now there's this big old elephant about what they think of as fair and his mum wants to have a talk at some point, probably to try and persuade me to ask her because it's right.
If we had only been having 2, that would mean I don't have anyone from my choice or side.... something I find totally unreasonable given she's already going to be an aunt, I am living here and already enveloped in everything being about him.... and actually, if we'd been given chance to come to a decision without interference, might have picked her anyway.... Am now worried this king of emotional blackmail sulking is going to be the first of many and if I give in to this, where will the next sulk come from.... my fella likes to bury head in sand and say nothing. But I get kept awake at night worrying shit like this in my pregnant state!!!!
She has kids already, my fella is godparent to the eldest. I'm quite old so this is likely to be our only child.
Sorry it's long!!!
Tbh she was in the wrong, but to make life easier ... It's not giving in, it's just trust me you won't want to be arsed with family hassles etc when baby is born as you will have enough on your plate and in the grand scheme of life there are bigger issues going on in the world...
Have 2 sets of godparents as per your original suggestion.
You pick two and your partner picks two.
Keeps everyone happy.
Is there a big "godparents coughing up loads of cash/gifts at various life stages" in your partner's home culture. worth finding out now to plan your strategy, particularly if it is less so for you.
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