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will i include him on birth certificate?

(15 Posts)
babyblues19 Sat 13-Jun-15 16:52:25

I got pregnant by a one night stand in February. I don't know him at all, we attempted a relationship but he left me after a month. Basically I'm 5 months gone now and I really feel like I need to start planning for this baby which I am doing. I can't decide on what to do with the birth certificate.. He said at the start he will be there for the baby but I've had no contact with him for a few months now, he doesn't text to see how i am and I in return don't contact him as I feel he should be making the effort, after all I am carrying his child. I don't want to deprive him of seeing the child, that's not my intention and there is no way I would do that. My problem is that I don't trust him, he has done nothing to prove to me that he deserves a place in this child's life, he is very immature and spends his time drinking and to be perfectly honest there is no way I could trust him alone with this child..I feel he would be in and out of this baby's life when t suits him and I want better for my baby. He has treated me badly. I'm afraid that if I put his name on the birth certificate and if it comes to it that I stop him from seeing the child (which I would only do if he treats him badly and isn't there for him) he could take me to court no problem if his names on the birth certificate and more than likely be granted custody. I cant risk that happening and being in no control over the welfare of my child. I feel that I am the one who has made all the sacrifices, I'm carrying this baby and looking after him while he is out acting as though nothing ever happened..

LIZS Sat 13-Jun-15 17:56:45

Is he likely to accompany you to the registry office , otherwise you can't name him anyway. Naming him gives parental responsibility , although custody very unlikely, but also you in turn could claim child support.

PoppyBlossom Sat 13-Jun-15 17:58:22

It's up to him really, as he has to turn up to have his name put down.

wearymum73 Sat 13-Jun-15 18:00:11

I wouldn't add him, I discovered this week that as my ex's named on the birth certificate, he would get custody if I passed away, over the request on my will of my sister or parents.
If he hasn't contact you and it looks like he does not want any contact, I'd really think about doing this.

SaucyJack Thu 18-Jun-15 11:25:45

I personally would advise you too. I totally get your concerns, but it's a legal document and I just think filling it out correctly is the "right" thing to do. He is the baby's father at the end of the day.

I don't feel that strongly about it though. I don't intend this as a flaming.

BeautifulLiar Thu 18-Jun-15 11:33:05

I wouldn't (and didnt).

The birth certificate has nothing to do with maintenance, you can still claim it (I do).

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom Thu 18-Jun-15 11:33:41

I would not add him unless he asks. As others have said, he will have to come with you to register the birth if he wants to be on there.

MishMooshAndMogwai Thu 18-Jun-15 11:48:53

I wouldn't, my biggest regret is putting DDS dad on her bc for all the reasons stated above

shggg245 Thu 18-Jun-15 11:53:31

You have limited contact, don't trust him and think he's irresponsible. By allowing him to register jointly with you you're giving him parental responsibility, therefore a joint say - do you really want that?

The only way he could demand to be on the birth certificate would be via a court order. However - the child has a right to know their father and if possible form a relationship - time will tell if he's serious about being involved.

You can always add him later he agrees to attend a joint re-registration. So personally I'd be very cautious. Good luck.

MrsLeighHalfpenny Thu 18-Jun-15 11:58:12

Think about what the eventual resulting adult would prefer in the long term, and any descendants. Would they prefer a named father, or "father unknown"? I think they'd prefer to have a name in case medical or other issues arise down the family line.

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom Thu 18-Jun-15 11:59:53

If he is involved he can be added later. If he is involved she won't need to wonder who he is for medical details and if he isn't then a name is bugger all use.

It doesn't say unknown.

AlpacaMyBags Thu 18-Jun-15 12:02:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shggg245 Thu 18-Jun-15 12:07:35

Parental responsibility is the crux here and is a very big deal - seriously call your local registrars and make sure you understand the legal implications before agreeing to include him. He also needs to understand that and as others have said must be present at the registration.

soulsausage Thu 18-Jun-15 12:16:40

I don't have my ex on my DD's birth certificate and I recently had to apply for a visa to go on a fortnight's family holiday abroad. I had to show her birth certificate to prove that I was the only parent with PR - if my ex had been on it they would have wanted permission from him (even though she's never had anything to do with him in her life!). So I'm very glad that I had the hindsight not to put him on the certificate. There are lots of other ways that my life could have been made more difficult if he'd had PR - we've moved house, moved schools, had medical treatment, gone abroad numerous times and he would have the legal right to prevent/delay all of that despite playing no part in her upbringing.

insancerre Thu 18-Jun-15 12:22:15

You cant just name him on the birth certificate
He has to be there in person

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