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pregnant by one night stand but love my ex

(18 Posts)
babyblues19 Thu 11-Jun-15 16:25:18

I was with my boyfriend for 4 years since i was 15 and I loved him so much but I broke things off because I thought we were too young to settle down. I missed him but went out a few months later and got pregnant by a one night stand. My ex and I haven't spoken since we broke up in December.I got pregnant in February. I rang him today in floods of tears cause I wanted to talk, we were so close we were like lovers and best friends and i cant face the thought of us not being together. I couldn't talk on the phone as I was in floods of tears so he said he would come and see me tonight.II'mnervous I don't know what to say to him. I want to be with him, marry him and spend my life with him like we always planned but I don't think he will want that with me considering I'm pregnant by another man. Will I tell him how I feel or do you think its a bad idea? Please help

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty Thu 11-Jun-15 16:36:34

Firstly does he want to be in a relationship with you again? If you haven't spoken in six months, I think you need to be prepared for him to have moved on his life, regardless of your pregnancy

babyblues19 Thu 11-Jun-15 16:57:02

Not sure as I'm not meeting him till tonight. It shows he still cares that he is coming to see me but I just don't know wether I should tell him how I feel or just be friends ��

KatharineClifton Thu 11-Jun-15 16:58:36

You've got nothing to lose by not telling him how you feel. Don't have any expectations as to what happens next though.

kimmyw Thu 11-Jun-15 16:59:49

Does he know you are pregnant?

Finola1step Thu 11-Jun-15 17:03:44

If you do see him tonight, why not tell him everything? Tell him how you feel, about the baby and what you want for the future. Be absolutely straight up about the pregnancy. If he doesn't feel the same, at least you then know.

babyblues19 Thu 11-Jun-15 17:08:34

He is aware of my pregnancy and that I'm in no contact with the father. I'm 19 and he is 21, I absolutely adore him. My first love and my only love. Just a bit afraid of how he will react, it would break my heart to be rejected but am I expecting too much thinking that he would want me when I'm pregnant by another man?

Finola1step Thu 11-Jun-15 17:14:04

The only person who can answer your questions is him.

Alibabsandthe40Musketeers Thu 11-Jun-15 17:14:09

None of us can answer that, we don't know you and we don't know your boyfriend.

I mean this kindly, but you are young and pregnant and looking for a father for you baby. Your hormones are screaming at you that your ex would be a good choice, because he is what you know.

As others have said, you need to be prepared for the fact that he may want nothing to do with you and your child.

Millipedewithherfeetup Thu 11-Jun-15 17:15:13

Its hard to say how he will react as we dont know how he has handled the break up, his coming to see you sounds positive in that he hasnt totally blanked you, but for your own sake, please dont build your hopes up too much for love marriage and happy ever afters, look after yourself and the baby first. Take care x

kimmyw Thu 11-Jun-15 17:15:32

I can understand why it would be difficult for him to bring up another man's child, and i also reckon he might have felt betrayed by you breaking up with him in the first place. I hope i am wrong though. I would tell him you still feel for him but I would perhaps hold off asking him back until baby is born though. You have enough on your plate as it is without going back into an old relationship and all the potential pitfulls that may hold. Plus when he see's baby he may feel differently to how he does now.

AuntieStella Thu 11-Jun-15 17:22:43

"It shows he still cares that he is coming to see me"

I think you need to prepare yourself for the possibility that it means nothing of the sort. He might simply have moved on, and sees this as helping out an old friend who is in a bit of a spot.

Separately, you need to decide what you want to do about the pregnancy. How would you manage as a single parent? Where would you and a possible future baby live?

kimmyw Fri 12-Jun-15 08:22:32

How did the chat go babyblue?

babyblues19 Fri 12-Jun-15 11:29:30

It was good to talk to him, we both agreed that we are in love with each other but he can't face the idea of raising another mans child. Back to square one I guess. I'm so depressed about this I can't stop crying.

Alibabsandthe40Musketeers Fri 12-Jun-15 12:11:26

I'm sorry you didn't hear what you were hoping for.

I'm going to be very blunt now. Have you thought about ending the pregnancy? You are very young, and you sound very, very unhappy.

kimmyw Fri 12-Jun-15 12:17:59

I'm so sorry to hear that babyblue sad I hope you can move on. Although it may not seem like it now, you have so much to look forward to and becoming a mum will be the making of you. Someone who you will love inconditionally, and someone who will always love you as their mummy. You may not want to think about it for now but there will be other relationships ahead of you when you are ready. I hope you have a good group of family and friends around you.

Millipedewithherfeetup Fri 12-Jun-15 18:01:13

Do you have family/friends around to help you? Guessing that you sre now under anti natal care so make an appointment to see your midwife, you will not be the first young mum finding herself in this situation, they will be able to help you with all the emotional ups and downs of a pregnancy. Take care of yourself, you wont feel like this forever x

GammaDelta Fri 10-Jul-15 13:14:50

why do you want him back, is it because he loved you truly n now you need someone totake care of you. .

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