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Help me to deal with this situation please - step parent related

(12 Posts)
molehillormountain Sun 10-May-15 17:55:49

Hi all

My dear grandfather (who I am very close to and saw regularly) passed away in the last couple of days after a long, drawn out 10 year battle with a debilitating illness. My DF, however, has not been so great at keeping in touch to the point of not returning DGF's calls, so that they ask me why and I end up begging DF to return their calls.

I won't go on or I'll be here all day, so in a nutshell, my DF's wife wrote a comment about me on FB that I have not even tried to call my dad since his dad passed away (to give my condolences).

This is not true at all because I tried several times to ring him but he did not pick up. We were also in regular contact via text messages.

Believe me I know the whole FB malarkey is petty etc but it hurt to read that my step mum was being so publicly damning of me. I replied that I had tried to ring several times but he hadn't answered so I thought he was too upset to speak, and that I had been messaging my dad an he was fully aware I was there for him and loved him.

I hope this was dignified to set story straight, but how do I move forward/behave towards her, knowing that she was twisting the knife in.

So as not to drip feed, the woman is a really strong character (and likes a drink so expect she was drunk when she wrote the message) and I know my dad is rather spineless to stand up to her.

AlpacaMyBags Sun 10-May-15 18:03:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

molehillormountain Sun 10-May-15 18:06:00

Thank you, that is what I thought. However, I they do not contact me-what shall I do? I will have to see them at the funeral.
I also sent my dad a message to make it clear I have tried to get in touch with him as well as the messages i sent to him

molehillormountain Sun 10-May-15 18:19:04

I know it all sounds very bizarre. I have not seen my dad on his own since him and his new wife got together - they come as a package. If I choose not to see her, I won't see my dad

saturnvista Sun 10-May-15 18:25:28

I'm sorry for your loss.

I'm also sorry for the situation you have with your dad and SM. There's no point getting emotionally engaged in this - it will only sap your energy and make you unhappy. I would accept that she is the way she is and simply leave it at that. When you see them, be true to yourself but don't get yourself all upset for nothing. It's just not worth it. You sound as if you've been lovely all the way through - keep going.

molehillormountain Sun 10-May-15 18:39:31

Very wise advice Saturn. I will trying to detach from the situation, it was just extra hurtful that she had dirtied my name in front of family and friends.

Moreisnnogedag Sun 10-May-15 18:44:36

Everyone who matters will know you and know that it's not true. I think you need to decide whether overall you want to keep your dad in your life.

Tbh I think that if he, as your father, isn't willing to see you if she's not there, then he's making his priorities known. It's crap but I would let him know you want a relationship with him without her. Whatever happens after is his choice.

Sorry for your loss flowers

molehillormountain Sun 10-May-15 20:53:26

Thank you More. I sent my dad a message to make it absolutely clear I have tried to contact him and he hasn't replied. I am worried this is the end for us ��

molehillormountain Mon 11-May-15 03:30:26


Moreisnnogedag Mon 11-May-15 10:09:56

Oh that's really sad. I'm sorry. I would sit him down (if possible without stepmom) and ask him to make some time for just you and him.

If you can bear it, you could say you understand how important she is to him, that you don't want to get in the way, but for everybody's sake, the two of you should just spend time together. At the end of it, I'd make it clear that the ball was in his court and whatever happened next, he was actively choosing.

Moreisnnogedag Mon 11-May-15 10:11:36

Oh meant sit him down without stepmom. If not possible email. I wouldn't try the above conversation with her there!

molehillormountain Mon 11-May-15 17:00:19

Hi More, I would not be able to sit him down as she is always there. She does not leave his side, even joined the hobby he and I used to do together, and if I call him, he will put me on loud speaker so that she can be in on the conversation.

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