a husband who can't be arsed to do anything but gamble & watch sport(10 Posts)
I think I've reached the limit of my patience. I've been with my husband for 13 years and married for 5, we have kids aged 9 and 7. He works really hard in the week, gone by half 6 and back by half 8 when the kids are going to bed. He never reads stories or anything, I do that, he just says goodnight and then the telly is on all evening. I home school my kids, earn some money by tutoring/childminding. Obviously I do all house hold chores (and kids do their share) and all cooking except Sunday dinner which he does and I walk the dog everyday. Its not a question of who works harder, we both do a lot, although I would say probably that my life is more enjoyable.
Anyway that's all fine, the weekdays are just how it is, but the weekend Id say we're on even ground in that we have 2 family/chill out days. On Saturday I walk the dog and DH takes kids to a sport class. After that he bets online for the rest of the day until say 6pm. I have always been ok with that, he doesn't lose lots of money, its a hobby. During that time the kids are great at doing their own thing or I might take them out for the afternoon or to see cousins and I usually spend 2-4 hrs catching up with housework on a Saturday too.
However Sunday is supposed to be a 'family' day. Ive told him no racing. Mostly he ignores this and does it anyway or if I make a fuss he sits and watches sport instead. I would like a screen free sunday so that we can actually spend time together like I imagine other families do? The main problem seems to be that he doesn't seem to want to spend time with the kids and honestly that really hurts my feelings! When my son asks if he can take him to the park and he says 'no' it just seems so mean. My son is so laid back, he doesn't make a fuss but its making me feel really angry and resentful. The kids love their daddy very much, he's like their hero, but I honestly feel he is a crap role model atm.
I wish my DH would look for a less stressful job but he won't. Ive asked if maybe he can work from home (he's allowed to) so we can cut out the long commute even one day a week but he wont.
I actually asked him if he wanted out, we just have nothing in common. Im an outdoor type and he is a sit in front of the telly type. I just cannot waste my life sitting about doing nothing! Having said that I wouldn't leave him, but I just want a bit more enthusiasm for family life. Ideas please on how to sort this! I do talk to him about it but he just ignores me. Its like talking to a brick wall.
He is who he is. He does what he does. He doesn't really care about your feelings or needs, but if you have no intention of leaving him your only other option is to put up with it. He isn't going to miraculous change into someone else.
You know what to do.
Life will get easier without him. It's just so shocking initially, to make that leap from ''family'' to single parent. But if its' all an illusion anyway, you're not really losing anything. You're opening your life up to new opportunities, reducing the amount of work you'll have to do for him, and reducing the amount of resentment that you'll be choking on.....
Don't continue to bang your head against the wall. Walk away from the wall and leave the wall to be a wall.
Sadly I think this is true. I won't leave him though cos of the kids. I have thought a lot that I should just get on with my life and enjoy it, but it feels so sad that we can't enjoy it together.
I just can't leave him the kids would never forgive me.
What exactly does he add to their lives? He only sees them at weekends, whereupon he ignores them and does nothing for them.
Perhaps you're using the children as an excuse because YOU are scared.
I know how you feel because my DH is the same if you swap the gambling with playing bloody golf. AT times it really gets me down but the majority of the time I just accept that he works had all week and needs some time out.
Not sure that it's 'obvious' that you do all the household chores, home schooling is a job isn't it?
As you like to do outdoorsy things at the weekend, I suggest you join a walking club or similar and just do it. Maybe every other Sunday you take the kids out and do something familyish in the outdoors the three of you and the other you have the day to yourself.
Thanks for the replies. It keeps to vent sometimes! I think the main problem is his work, I think if his hours were more reasonable, say minus a long commute then he would have more free time and would feel less drained and more motivated to do other things.
I realised I said we'd been together 13 years when in fact its 17! Its a long time, I know him well & though we've always been opposites & he's always loved to gamble, he has also been a good person who did used to play with his kids.
For now I think I will take tribots advice just to get on and do some of the things I enjoy. You are right too that home schooling is a job in itself, its just sometimes I would like to be helping more with the money side of things.
Thanks all for your words
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