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Friend seems to be avoiding me

(4 Posts)
isitnearlytime Fri 01-May-15 18:41:40

I have a close friend who moved 150 miles away several years ago. DH & I remained in close contact with her & her DH and visited several times, although they lost touch with most of our circle of friends.

Life has not been kind to her. Her DH tragically died a few years ago leaving her with a severely autistic child. We remained in close contact, phoning regularly, visiting and last year she even managed to visit us. She said many times what great support we'd been. She doesn't have a wide circle of friends, mainly due to her circumstances but, tbh, she doesn't make much effort to stay in touch with people and I know this is why several friends we know drifted away. Much of the contact was instigated by us, especially in the early days after her husband died but she had got a lot better lately and started to call me unsolicited quite often.

She often didn't answer the phone, understandable as her child can be a handful. I would leave a message and she would always get back to me eventually. A couple of months ago she got a new answerphone that doesn't allow you to leave a message. We've called her numerous times but she never answers. I've sent texts but she's always been bad at checking her mobile. On one occasion the phone was engaged, then rang when I tried again moments later, but she still didn't answer. I know she doesn't go out much because of her child and doesn't drive so it's really strange that she never answers. Even if she didn't realise about the answerphone she would've surely called by now?!!!

We called her BIL who'd had the same problem and was considering driving 200 miles down there! Worried, we called her neighbour who said he'd seen her around and she was fine. He said he'd ask her to call - she hasn't.

So what now? This is all so odd and I also feel sad as she was a lovely friend. I can think of no reason why she would suddenly want to sever ties and it seems it's not just us......

catzpyjamas Sat 02-May-15 00:32:34

Maybe life has understandably got on top of her and she is genuinely just not getting round to returning your calls or doesn't feel like talking things through so is avoiding the opportunity to?
There's also the chance that she hasn't got any of the messages which would be such a shame if she is struggling.

Why don't you send her a letter or a small gift to say you are thinking of her, say you've been trying to get in touch and ask her to contact you when she can?
If you don't hear back, then unfortunately that's her choice though sad

isitnearlytime Sat 02-May-15 09:37:21

Thanks. Yes, I was considering writing to her so I think that is a good next step.

3littlefrogs Sat 02-May-15 09:43:08

Maybe things are just too hard at the moment and she can't face interacting with people.
I have been in a situation where things have been so dreadful that I just didn't want to have to speak to anyone because I couldn't face the questions or the advice (well meaning but totally useless), as it just added to my stress.

A card would have meant a great deal though.

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