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elderly couple I fallen out with, secretly giving money gifts to DD - WTF?

(22 Posts)
storyofmylife66 Mon 05-Jan-15 16:44:00

This is really creeping me out. I used to be in good terms with the elderly couple living next door. We have recently fallen out over noise (mine!). Well I have discovered by chance that they gave £20 to my daughter as a Christmas gift. I decided to ignore. Then this afternoon, i Have found a Christmas card address to my daugter (who is 11) with 'private' written on the envelope. I opended it and found £5 and a happy new year card. They have never given her money before, but always sweets for Christmas in the past. However, i don't think it matters whether I am right or wrong, but I am not comfortable with them bypassing me. I am actually quite shocked and thinking Whaattttt????
What would you do?

Cauliflowersneeze1 Mon 05-Jan-15 17:53:19

Do you think that they may be holding out the olive branch ?

HolyTerror Mon 05-Jan-15 17:55:23

Would assume it's intended as a peace offering, especially if your daughter is the one making some of the noise?

AllCowsEatGrass Mon 05-Jan-15 18:02:45

I think the envelope being marked "private" is quite telling. Seems they are making a point that although they've fallen out with you, it doesn't include your DD

ChristmasPuddin Mon 05-Jan-15 18:13:27

It's a peculiar olive branch if they're doing it behind the OP's back!

atoughyear Mon 05-Jan-15 18:16:41

I wouldn't have described it was creepy. They obviously still really like your cd. I wouldn't do anything except try not to fall out with your neighbours in future.

Wotsup Mon 05-Jan-15 18:25:23

I would nip round and have a CALM, SMILEY and RESPECTFUL word, despite how they have reacted in the past and ask them not to do this as their intention of passing gifts to a minor (?) in an envelope marked "private" could be misconstrued.

Any argument, just play the broken record and keep repeating your request.

Good luck.

Cauliflowersneeze1 Mon 05-Jan-15 21:29:24

I would assume that this is their way of keeping the hope of good relations again open christmaspuddin . They haven't slipped it to her daughter over the garden fence or asked her to keep quiet about have they ?

OP I don't know the circumstances of the situation but I would probably thank them for thinking of your daughter and their generosity next time I saw them

Your call ........

AgentProvocateur Mon 05-Jan-15 21:37:45

Agree with Cauliflower. I don't think it's creepy. Was it your noise or your DD's that caused you to fall out? Maybe you could thank them and reconcile. It must be awkward not speaking to your neighbours.

tazzle22 Mon 05-Jan-15 21:53:40

maybe the change from sweets to money is just to do with her age and nothing more "sinister", I know my GC prefer to have money to buy "girly stuff" they like rather than sweets now .... gave the 11 year old vouchers for xmas as she loves shopping.

The couple may, as others have said, not want to either "fall out" with your dd or even want to "make up".

Wotsup Mon 05-Jan-15 23:00:43

After a reconsideration I think they want to keep friends. Your daughter may feel a bit piggy in the middle of your fallout. I guess its frightening to be of an age and not have the security of friendly neighbours. How about a hands across the fence 2015?

KristinaM Mon 05-Jan-15 23:07:50

I think it's creepy and inapproprpiate

If they wanted to make up with the Op, they could give her a box of biscuits /chocolate and a card. Not secret money gifts to a child

Going behind a parents back to befriend a young child and give her money is just wrong . I would do what wotsup said

KristinaM Mon 05-Jan-15 23:08:33

Sorry I meant her first post


AlpacaMyBags Mon 05-Jan-15 23:18:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

seaoflove Mon 05-Jan-15 23:35:41

If it was intended as an olive branch, then they wouldn't be trying to deceive the OP, would they? There would be no need to write "PRIVATE" on the envelope. They could post a card addressed to the girl and leave it at that.

Trying to give monetary gifts to a child in secret is really inappropriate and very strange. What's the ulterior motive?

Wotsup Tue 06-Jan-15 17:04:38

We wont know anymore until the OP goes to find out. Come on OP. What's your plan?

Floggingmolly Tue 06-Jan-15 17:09:02

They haven't "bypassed" you... Do you usually vet all her post and gifts in advance?? If they've fallen out with you because of your noise nuisance; it's to their credit that they haven't involved your dd in something that's none of her doing.

KristinaM Tue 06-Jan-15 23:23:05

I would question the motives of any adult who tries to have a relationship with an 11 year old child and tries to keep it secret from the childs parent . This is child protection 101

would you all think it was fine if it was the 40 year old bloke who runs the corner shop ? Or a teacher at the childs school ?

Shockers Tue 06-Jan-15 23:26:53

What was the noise they objected to?

cherubimandseraphim Tue 06-Jan-15 23:27:56

I should think they worry that your DD will feel hurt if they stopped giving her presents. I don't think it's that creepy; I think they must like your DD and worry that she would miss their gifts.

QuintlessShadows Tue 06-Jan-15 23:29:34

So how come you have chosen to fall out with them, over your noise?

Wotsup Wed 07-Jan-15 15:16:10

Do you ever wonder what happens to these OPs once they've got people concerned?

Are they novelists wanting help with the thread of a story?

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