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Should I have my baby

(5 Posts)
Bluebell84 Fri 26-Dec-14 07:58:10

Hi I am in a dilemma.

I was on the depo for one month but due to the doctor not telling me that it's efficiency is compromised when taken with my current medication, I am pregnant.

I am in my final year of vet school, I still have my training year and my masters to start September 2015. I have two lovely DSs aged 3 and 2 and although it's been a struggle we have managed, with the help of daycare three days a week and my DH who works from home twice a week. He looks after kids while I am studying and on placement during the week and some weekends and evenings.

We are just about managing and I am so worried what a third child will do to our family. My DH says he cannot manage with a third, especially since my time with my two DS is already very sparse.

I have read mothers who give up their careers to be SAHMs, or who work part time and compromise on their careers.

I need to finish my training year before I get my license and get a decent salary, then need to do post grad to specialise, and i won't be able to do this part time.

I had a termination when I was 18 (I was young, impulsive and didn't know who the father was, have no regrets as I couldn't even look after myself and had a lot of anger issued from being in care and was using drugs) and had another one when I was 24, (was about to start my course and was in study mode where I wanted to do everything and get somewhere in life, I also realised I didn't want to be with the baby's father- not my DH, I have no regrets there either).

I always knew my DH was the one and would always be the father of my children, and we will like more children but this one just seems to be very ill timed.

I am not sure whether I am selfless enough to put my children before my career. I love my boys but I really want to get a great job, become more specialised and open my own clinic. Since 24 I have had this urge to make up for lost time and feel at my most happiest when I am studying/working and aspiring to get my dream Job.

But this is a child with the man I love and I love the thought of having three boys, I never had a family growing up so to give my sons the security I never had means a lot.

But is that selfish? To bring a child into a busy life where u would barely see it ie doing the night shift, spending time with the baby, taking the baby out for play dates...etc instead of rushing off at the crack of dawn and returning in the evening.

Is it right to have a child if you don't want to compromise your career ?

reallystuckonthisone Fri 26-Dec-14 08:06:11

I'm not going to attempt a long reply to such a difficult set of questions, but I wanted to say you're not alone. I have experienced this. Had a termination years ago which I don't regret, then met DP and had DD. When she was a year old I was pg again, unplanned.
I decided to terminate. My main reason was DD was quite ill at the time and we were absolutely terrified it was serious. Only after my termination was she given the all clear.
I have struggled to come to terms with my decision since then and perhaps I still haven't. But - I made the right decision for my family and myself based on the circumstances at the time. I am sure of this. I will always remember the other baby though and wonder what might have been.
I hope you find a way through. Take your time, if you have time, and be as sure as you can be flowers

Eastpoint Fri 26-Dec-14 08:12:51

This is a pregnancy you tried hard to prevent as you knew that it was important not to become pregnant. The rest of your situation has not changed and so it would make sense to have a termination.

PurpleWithRed Fri 26-Dec-14 08:17:44

You know that this very very difficult decision is one that only you and DH can make between you, and that whatever you decide you may have doubts over the years. I hope you are able to agree and support each other, whichever path you choose.

my2centsis Thu 08-Jan-15 18:38:57

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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