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Bullying former colleague making her presence felt. Wwyd? (sorry, long)

(12 Posts)
Wineorcider Sat 20-Dec-14 18:35:57

Bear with me please, I need to get as much as possible down. Sorry if I drip feed, or if the thread is disjointed in parts.

I have previously posted about a colleague ‘J’ about her bullying towards me in the dept (A) where we worked. The bullying incidents included isolating me from others, telling lies about me, and undermining my work. Name changed since then.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, dept A closed in the summer. It was sad as I loved the job despite ‘J’s bullying.

After dept A closed, we had to work together in a different dept and again I was subjected to ‘J’s bullying. I asked my supervisor about the possibility of me working in a different dept (B) ,which was agreed mutually, and it became common knowledge that I was to move there on return from annual leave.

On my return, I found ‘J’ had been given the job in dept B instead. Gobsmacked wasn't the word.

‘J’ then gloated to the rest of our colleagues that while I was away, she had been offered a job (the same as dept A but in a different hospital within the Trust), but turned it down due to commuting issues and homed in on the job that she knew was for me.

A few days later, I was offered the same job that she turned down and I accepted immediately. Away from her, different hospital, a job I love. I could finally be myself again. I was delighted. (Hope its not too complicated up to now. Sorry if it is.)

Unfortunately, ‘J’ has confided in mutual colleagues/friends recently that she hates the job in dept B after all(!), and wishes she’d accepted the job in dept A (the one I’m now in). She then proceeded to say nasty things about me before our colleagues put a stop to it.

Since this, people have been ringing the dept I’m in, asking for ‘J’, and seeming a little surprised to find that she doesn’t work in our dept. She had been giving out our number saying she worked there. Also, the phone has been slammed down on me on a few occasions when I answer it and introduce myself.

I feel harassed. Not sure whether to tell my new line manager, or leave it, as I’m not sure if she’s just ‘letting me know she is still around’ or after my job (which she has form for, obviously). Wwyd?

Been in Dept A since August and I don’t want to rock the boat with my managers, but I want her to leave me alone.

Sorry again if the thread is a bit confusing....:/

PausingFlatly Sat 20-Dec-14 18:59:29

Well, you feel harrassed by the phone calls, because there's a back history they stir up.

But to onlookers, J giving the wrong phone number is her being incompetent and messing them around. It may be from when she chopped and changed about which department she was going to, but even if it isn't, she's the one who will look daft and confused.

Can you say to one of the callers, "Yes, we keep getting calls for this person who doesn't work here - can I ask where/when you got this number?"

And then deal with it from there?

Wineorcider Sat 20-Dec-14 19:05:44

Good idea. I keep having images of her sitting in my seat at work. Knowing what she is capable of, I wouldn't put it past her...sad

eddielizzard Sat 20-Dec-14 19:17:37

wow. poor you. sounds absolutely awful.

can you have a word with your old line manager and ask her what she thinks? I'm not sure about talking to your new line manager just yet.

i agree about saying 'gosh, that person definitely doesn't work here. may i help you?'

you are scared of her and she knows it. you could have a word with her manager and tell them what she's been doing.

or you could phone her up and tell her to FUCK OFF. basically i think she needs to see that you're not scared of her and you are going to stand up to her. that is the way to stop it imo. hard as that may be.

she goes around preying on gentle, kind people who won't stand up to her. time to get fucking angry. how dare she try to steal your life???

PausingFlatly Sat 20-Dec-14 19:31:13

Understandable after how she's behaved to you.

But she's got into your head, and you're now doing her work for her. sad

Giving a wrong phone number (even if it does turn out to be deliberate) is unlikely to register with your managers as bullying. It might even be the hospital directory is wrong after her chopping and changing.

I think on this particular point, you're going to have to try to change your internal response. Investigate why the problem is arising of course, and focus on her incompetence and "mucking people around"?

Eg if you find she's giving the number directly, tut slightly and say, "Is this still happening? <SIGH> So sorry you've been inconvenienced - she does need to pull her socks up, doesn't she?"

Wineorcider Sun 21-Dec-14 13:35:46

Sorry for the delay in replying, pausing and eddielizard. Things got busy after posting yesterday, and couldn't get anywhere near MN!

Thanks for your advice. I have made my mind up and am going to see my former supervisor about what is happening with the phone calls. She knows there is a history as far as J and I are concerned. I had previously complained to her about how J was behaving towards me, and though it got swept under the carpet at the time, I think this might make her see there really is a problem. I will leave my new managers/supervisors out of it.

As far as other people ringing the dept up asking for her, I have been extremely pleasant and cheerful to them (no choice, I have a patient facing role in a public place) so haven't been anything other than. I'll do the tutting and sighing next time I receive a call and ask for their details. Good idea.

PausingFlatly Sun 21-Dec-14 14:50:32

Pleasant and cheerful is good! And presumably you don't want your patients to feel bad!

I just meant sympathetic tutting that callers have been messed around, how very annoying for them, etc. Whether or not you trowel it on explicitly, if you can keep your head in that space, rather than the scared and threatened response, it should come across better. And make you happier too!

Would it be best to open the conversation with the former supervisor as if this is a simple directory error, rather than with suggestions of persecution? After all, it's a nuisance for everyone and you're being helpful correcting it, aren't you? wink

Wineorcider Sun 21-Dec-14 16:03:18

Exactly pausing. I will open the conversation like that with my former supervisor, but I've just had a thought:

The difference in the internal phone number in J's dept, and the one I'm in are very different, for example:

mine: 43356
J: 83088

(numbers mixed up a bit)

The STD codes are poles apart too.

So if they were similar, it could be seen easily as a mistake. All the hospitals/depts in the Trust have the same directory and they are separated into 4 sections, 1 for each hospital.

Hmm .... could it backfire with the numbers being too different, and I would look like I'm out to cause trouble, or would it go against her? Oh dear...confused

PausingFlatly Sun 21-Dec-14 16:24:52

You're not out to cause trouble. You're just puzzled as to what's happened, and are helpfully saving everyone time and trouble!

PausingFlatly Sun 21-Dec-14 16:29:52

And maybe it's a mistake that just hasn't been corrected after she did all that last minute chopping and changing... Never mind, you reliable, helpful folks will sort things out...

Wineorcider Sun 21-Dec-14 16:51:23

Thanks for your support and advice pausing, very much appreciated.

I'll have to wait until the NY before I can do anything now, but I can wait...

Merry Xmas, by the way wine wine thanks thanks

PausingFlatly Sun 21-Dec-14 16:57:47

And a Happy New Year! <clinks>

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