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Treat her how she treated me, or how i would like to be treated.

(46 Posts)
CaulkheadUpNorth Fri 21-Nov-14 15:04:24

So.

Imagine I have a broken leg. I was in hospital for it, but now it's getting better. During all this time best friend and housemate acted like I didn't have a broken leg and told others she was ignoring it.

Now, a month later, the same friend had a sprained ankle. She has some of the same medication I had for the broken leg, but is told to have a rest then return to work.

Do I treat her how she treated me (ie what she thinks is an appropriate way to look after someone) or how id want to be treated (ie how I think it's appropriate.
What would you do?

CaulkheadUpNorth Fri 21-Nov-14 15:06:18

Sorry, I sound a bit of a bitch reading it back, but I'm honestly not sure the best way to be around her.

I would ask her how she wants to be treated - does she want you to ignore her injury, or would she prefer a bit of compassion.

CaulkheadUpNorth Fri 21-Nov-14 15:08:30

She never said to me outright she was ignoring, other people said "how are you managing with friend ignoring it?" Until then I thought I was just being paranoid.

itiswhatitiswhatitis Fri 21-Nov-14 15:10:51

I would probably ignore her the way she ignored you but then I'm not great at being the better person grin

CaulkheadUpNorth Fri 21-Nov-14 15:14:20

Thanks for this all. I'll see her in about an hour and so frightened!

Lweji Fri 21-Nov-14 15:19:46

I think you should as her SDTG's question outright.
Or tell her that you'd normally feel compelled to overhelp people, but you know she prefers that such problems are ignored by her mates, so you'll respect her point of view and do that, but she is welcome to ask for help if she needs it.

CaulkheadUpNorth Fri 21-Nov-14 15:22:48

That's good, I like it. I've had a few texts from her telling me how bad things have been this week, but have been away so couldn't respond.

She will have a lot of support from a lot of people, so if I don't help it's not like she will be left alone.

BackforGood Fri 21-Nov-14 15:26:01

"frightened" ??? confused

I thought you said she was your best friend and housemate ???

Have I missed something ?

CaulkheadUpNorth Fri 21-Nov-14 15:34:40

Frightened because I'm still feeling hurt by how she treated me, and how demanding she is when unwell

itiswhatitiswhatitis Fri 21-Nov-14 15:48:47

She Doesn't sound like much of a friend tbh OP.

MrsCosmopilite Fri 21-Nov-14 15:51:03

I'd be tempted to respond to any complaints from her with "It's a bad sprain, but at least it's not broken" and let her get on with it.

CaulkheadUpNorth Fri 21-Nov-14 15:53:27

No she isn't. I've only just realised that (over last few weeks) so I don't want that to effect how I treat her.

I could sort of ignore her a bit before but now she is unwell I feel I need to be there for her more.

Hoggle246 Fri 21-Nov-14 15:54:42

I'd go somewhere in between - treat her decently but don't go above and beyond in the way you would usually hope a friend would.

ZenNudist Fri 21-Nov-14 15:57:33

Drop her. She isn't a friend. And yes I'd be giving her as much sympathy as she gave you and telling her why.

You don't need to be arsey, just laugh at her if she wants sympathy.

CaulkheadUpNorth Fri 21-Nov-14 16:02:54

Sitting outside my house gearing myself to go in and see her and be civil and friendly. Thank you all

itiswhatitiswhatitis Fri 21-Nov-14 16:03:59

Why do you need to be there for her? Clearly she didn't feel the need to be there for you?

CaulkheadUpNorth Fri 21-Nov-14 16:11:36

I don't know why. Because I want to rise about it I guess. Except I don't because she really hurt me.

Whereisegg Fri 21-Nov-14 16:13:37

If she goes on about it I would probably laugh and say something like "Eh? I wouldn't have thought you'd be asking for help after you just let me get on with my broken leg. I assumed you weren't in to sympathy" and then run up and down the stairs just because I could grin

itiswhatitiswhatitis Fri 21-Nov-14 16:16:26

That's the point though isn't? She really hurt you and not accidentally. I think it speaks volumes about how she regards you tbh. It's only a friendship if it goes two ways.

BackforGood Fri 21-Nov-14 16:17:32

I agree with WhereisEgg to some extent, but hope I'd be the bigger person over the coming weeks, tbh - I think it's just in my nature to help people out if I can.
Longer term though, perhaps you should be reviewing your living arrangements. You shouldn't be "gearing yourself up" to go into your own home! shock

itiswhatitiswhatitis Fri 21-Nov-14 16:17:38

If anything now is the perfect time to question her about it.

CaulkheadUpNorth Fri 21-Nov-14 16:21:35

Just so I'm not seen as drip feeding, it's not a broken leg, but something similar. I just don't want to out myself (I put imagine in the opening post). This doesn't change anything though.

I've said hello. She's crying on the phone to her mum (not because I said hello!)

Now would be a good time to mention it. My plan is, if I say anything is to say "I felt hurt when you ignored me when I came out of hospital. I would have liked to have felt you were on my team and able to help me out. Due to this, I'm not sure what sort of help and support you are expecting from me, and I'm not sure what I'm able to give". How does that sound?

TheRealGarethMalone Fri 21-Nov-14 16:23:01

Do I remember you, OP?

You had a hospital stay and she told you she couldn't support you?

In which case, bloody well done. thanks

WookieCookiee Fri 21-Nov-14 16:23:18

She might be your housemate but she's not your friend, you shouldn't be frightened of a friend.
I don't think you should get involved in tit for tat bad behaviour, it sounds like that will upset you more in the long run, as you'll dwell on having been horrible to her.
I agree with pp you should find somewhere else to live and try and broaden your circle of friends.

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