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Old friend pregnant and in refuge how do I help?

(4 Posts)
Wannabestepfordwife Mon 17-Nov-14 08:42:39

Sorry this might be a bit long.

I have a friend A who was my first friend at primary school. A was brought up by her DGM B as her DM C was a heroin addict .

My DM and B became very good friends and A and B even spent Christmas with us.

When A was 16 after a long battle with Ovarian Cancer B died. A went to live with her Aunt but as her behaviour was difficult she was thrown out.

C was unsuitable for A to live with so she went from hostel to hostel without much support and went from abusive relationship to abusive relationship.

After a few years A went to live with her dm C. Whilst living with C there was an incident where 3 men went round to the house with a shotgun and threatend C's boyfriend. The shotgun went off very close to A's head.

Following the incident A suffered from PTSD and really went off the rails drinking heavily and getting in trouble with the police.

C relocated to a different part of the country and got clean and after a time A went to live with her.

A was happy for a time but then got into a very very abusive relationship. When he attacked whilst pregnant it was the final straw for A who called the police. A has now been moved to a refuge where I live.

I really want to be there for A and her baby but it's hard when she has got a new boyfriend already and she's smoking weed whilst pregnant- I just feel like she's too vulnerable to be getting into a relationship so soon and the weed won't be helping her MH issues.

Dp doesn't like A but understands why I want to be there for her but doesn't want her to meet dd which I agree with.

I really want to help I was thinking of getting her details on ante classes at the sure start centre and ask about her going on the freedom project but I don't know if that would be patronising.

I just feel for years she's been mixing with addicts and abusers and she's lost sense of normality.

Thank you if you have managed to the end and hope you haven't found it too confusing

CaulkheadUpNorth Mon 17-Nov-14 08:50:47

How far away from you is she? My suggestion would be meeting for coffee, asking what she might need (in way of support) inviting her to do things with you (ie come round for dinner, visit a market together etc).

But obviously that only works if you're nearby.

Wannabestepfordwife Mon 17-Nov-14 08:58:45

She's a 10-15 minute walk away. The going to a market to make sure she's eating healthily is a good idea.

Dp won't have her in the house but there's nothing to stop me going round to hers and cook for her.

Thanks for replying

CaulkheadUpNorth Mon 17-Nov-14 11:35:18

Id go with inviting her out somewhere as she is so close. Knowing someone is on your side when things are tough is incredibly helpful.

How long until the baby is born? Will she continue living in the refuge?

Make sure you look after yourself, supporting someone can be very draining.

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