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So angry! Dh has spilled the beans re: friends pregnancy. WWYD?

(50 Posts)
Wineorcider Fri 07-Nov-14 20:03:57

I am beyond furious.

Our friends A& B are expecting a baby and have just publicly announced it after having their 12 week scan.

We have known about the pregnancy for some time, and obviously have been sworn to secrecy. So now our other friends know, and have been ringing us saying how wonderful etc,

And dh responds by saying 'oh, we already knew...'. angry angry angry

Its not just that. Its the fact that this is their second pregnancy. Their first baby died earlier this year a few days after birth, so this is a very scary and sensitive time for them both.

One of the friends he said it to is not good at keeping things to himself, and I'm now petrified he'll say something to A & B when we all go out in a couple of weeks....

Wwyd? Personally I want to own up and apologise to A&B, but don't want to upset them further after what they've been through.

I'm gutted. Absolutely gutted. Please advise sad

Catsmamma Fri 07-Nov-14 20:06:28

he hasn't spilled the beans if they are publicly announcing it

he's just made himself look a bit twatty by being smug that the news is not news to him

Calm yourself!

notoneforselfies Fri 07-Nov-14 20:07:14

What's done is done and I honestly don't think it's bad - if he'd told other friends before they announced it I would too be furious, but to simply say to someone that now knows that he has known for longer isn't a big deal? It would only be slightly vexing if it put people's noses out of joint that you got told first/preferential treatment, but that's all. Or have I misunderstood? Has he told someone that shouldn't know?

Wineorcider Fri 07-Nov-14 20:19:31

Catsmamma, ok, he hasn't spilled the beans, (thread title obviously incorrect I now see), but we were sworn to secrecy.

We have been there for them since their first baby died. They've been through hell, which is why I am angry. The hospital was at fault and they are still going through the pain of an inquest.

I feel dh has minimised whats happened by doing the 'smug'' bit as you say.

But anyway, I came on here asking wwyd, not being told to calm myself!! I have every right to be angry for my friends.

lougle Fri 07-Nov-14 20:25:03

Ummmm... your DH has just given a reflex response. He hasn't broken a confidence. He hasn't let a secret out. At all.

FunkyBoldRibena Fri 07-Nov-14 20:33:22

No beans have been spilled.

Why is it such a secret that you knew their secret? If you have been there for them thick and thin then why must nobody know that you knew?

And you are angry for people that are not yet angry.

FannyFifer Fri 07-Nov-14 20:33:24

But it's ok for him to now say he already knew after it's been announced.
I don't understand what the problem is, he didn't tell anyone.

Wineorcider Fri 07-Nov-14 20:34:59

Notone-No, he hasn't told anybody who should not know.

If our friends hadn't been/weren't still going through all that, and this was their first baby, it wouldn't have been quite so bad.

We see them more than other friends due to being more available/not having children, same interests, and we get along with both their families too.

So again, wwyd? Tell them whats been said, or leave it to chance which might make it worse? I hate that it sounds like one-upmanship because we're not like that (until now angry !).

Wineorcider Fri 07-Nov-14 20:40:41

Sorry, is it me? I appreciate the thread title was incorrect (my fault).

But please read my thread. We knew about the pregnancy from the beginning, but were sworn to secrecy. We were not supposed to know, so the idea was for us to be as surprised as everybody else is...

Mrsgrumble Fri 07-Nov-14 20:42:18

I don't really think he has broke confidence here.

Coconutty Fri 07-Nov-14 20:43:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BuilderMammy Fri 07-Nov-14 20:45:13

I agree that you're being a bit irrational. I don't think he has done anything wrong.

AWombWithoutAFoof Fri 07-Nov-14 20:46:20

It's a total non-issue. Your DH didn't tell anyone he wasn't supposed to. I really don't get it.
Of course it is absolutely awful, what happened to them, but I don't see what he is saying has any relevance to that.
So unless he's leaping up and crowing about it and upstaging their announcements I wouldn't do anything.

WipsGlitter Fri 07-Nov-14 20:47:18

Mountain meet molehill. You're over thinking it.

Viviennemary Fri 07-Nov-14 20:48:20

But he didn't tell anyone when he had been told not to. Maybe it would have been better if he had kept quiet and not said he already knew in view of the circumstances. But I don't think he's done anything that very bad tbh.

lougle Fri 07-Nov-14 20:48:49

Who said you weren't meant to know?

Why does it matter that you did?

ChippingInAutumnLover Fri 07-Nov-14 20:49:01

It's you.

You were sworn to secrecy. You and your DH kept to that.

It doesn't matter one tiny bit that other people now know that you already knew. Other than perhaps their parents or something who might be upset and not having been the first to know - even then, it's not their right to know first.

Your reaction is totally over the top, all that has happened is that your DH looks a tiny bit smug.

If I was A or B and you rang me to tell me this 'dreadful thing your DH had done' I'd be very very confused as to what the fuck you were going on about.

Catsmamma Fri 07-Nov-14 20:50:12

I think you are very over exercised about this for whatever reason

Yes. I really think it is you!

Apart from some tactless smuggery your dh hasn't wronged anyone

AND presumably unless your dh lorded it over the blabbermouthed pal "oh yes, we have both known since the very moment of conception, how odd of them to have made you wait and find out on fb" then blabbermouthed pal will just presume you both spotted it on fb before he did.

BonzoDooDah Fri 07-Nov-14 20:50:58

Agree with the others sorry - it's nothing. He hasn't told the secret and the other couple aren't going to go round telling everyone you knew ... who would care? If they know the couple A&B's history they'll know why it was kept a secret and also why they may tell some people but not all.

Seriously - don't stress. All is okay.

Oakmaiden Fri 07-Nov-14 20:51:04

Why is it important that your other friends think they knew first? Did your DH actually say "Oh we have known for months", or did he just say "yes, we know already"? Because if the latter then there is really no issue at all. And if the former - it is only an issue if you (or they) make it an issue.

FiveGoMadInDorset Fri 07-Nov-14 20:51:53

It's definitely you

SoonToBeSix Fri 07-Nov-14 20:52:31

You are totally overthinking this, give your dh a break.

LittleBearPad Fri 07-Nov-14 20:53:29

You are overreacting. He hasn't told anyone who didn't know already

Hedgehogging Fri 07-Nov-14 20:53:38

Just tell them OP. That's what I'd do.

It sounds like it just slipped out or your DH didn't realise he was supposed to play dumb with everyone else after they announced. Tell them and apologise on your DH's behalf. I'm sure they'll understand, it sounds like you are all very dear friends.

Stripylikeatiger Fri 07-Nov-14 20:53:40

Wwyd? Find something else to worry about, this is not an issue, he did know, him knowing and your mutual friends knowing he knew about the pregnancy before the official announcement just is not of any consequence to anyone.

Your friends will I'm sure be to busy with their pregnancy to worry about this non issue.

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