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Be honest or blatantly lie?

(7 Posts)
bananacarnival Tue 28-Oct-14 14:10:16

I've become good friends with a former colleague who lives near by. Her son is of similar age to my son +daughter. They've had a few playdates together, 3 is awkward but it's been ok. Except for the last time. Her son was very heavy handed -supposedly play fighting but lots of pushing ( also a heavy slightly overweight child) with mine, and consequently my son refuses further play.

The mum, whose friendship I don't want to lose, is often asking if she can come over as her son is still very excited about my 2.

Would you be frank and tell the truth or lie to spare her feelings? She's been very good to me through a difficult time and is already sad about the fact that her son struggles to make friends.

Thank you for any advice

eddielizzard Tue 28-Oct-14 14:16:53

i would tell her the truth. i did this with a neighbour. just gently said 'i'd love to see you but ds needs a break. how about coffee next week?'

no good for you to effectively prioritise your friendship over your ds' needs. that's what it boils down to.

if she pushes purther, say your dc's found the play last time too full on, and they need a break. her ds also needs to learn the boundaries.

Caniaskaquestion Tue 28-Oct-14 14:18:23

Why not be honest but accept a future play date but suggest she does think throughs with her son about how he should behave? She should do lots of think throughs at neutral times, getting him to say how he will behave and why he needs to behave like that. It should be made clear to him that his reward for behaving well is to stay the full length of time at the play date. This approach should help the boy to make friends and so make his mum happier too.
If her son has only been like this once it seems a bit much to refuse to see them again and you probably do risk losing the friendship if you do.

Mumpire5 Tue 28-Oct-14 14:22:32

I have this problem all the time because my son has a spectrum disorder and he doesn't mix all that well. So I usually suggest going out in the evening, most people are reassured that you like them . it's only to be expected that not all children get on with all other children. if my son got on with anybody i'd be thrilled

Mumpire5 Tue 28-Oct-14 14:23:47

hard to maintain a valuable friendship with children sqwuaking in the background anyway!! how the hell do you spell squawking ??

bananacarnival Tue 28-Oct-14 15:11:10

Many thanks for the replies, some really valid points made... Honesty it is

3boys40 Mon 03-Nov-14 13:56:56

i vote for gentle honesty too.

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