Relationship breaking down!(8 Posts)
Sorry for the essay....
A few months back I wrote a post about my fiancée who didn't seem to understand my low feelings and since then it's got a whole lot worse!
I don't even know where to start...
Since having my little girl I practically have to beg him to give me some love and attention. I know it would be wrong of me to expect him to do this all the time as our baby is only 3 months so we give all our attention to her, and I honestly don't expect or want his full attention but a little bit here and there wouldn't hurt. I mean, I shouldn't have to beg for him to take me out for my birthday or a cuddle!
Also, there are times when I would ask him to help me with daisy or something else, he'll say yes but resfentfully with attitude which infuriates me as I really struggle without an extra pair of hands in the house! Other times he'll just talk to me like complete crap for no reason. This annoys me so much as I have thrown away years of hard work by not going to uni (which I wouldn't change because of my daughter and her only) and he doesn't seem to want to budge with anything. More often than not he is horrible about my friends and family and generally has no respect for me or anyone I associate with.
It's coming up to my birthday next week and I have a night planned for Saturday which has been planned for months. A few friends are taking me out for the night to celebrate as a present from them to me. My partner has known about this for a long time and has always said it was fine until today. All of a sudden he wants me to stay at home and look after daisy as he feels he can't due to a bad back (which hasn't been a problem until now). Disappointed, I told my mum who offered to have daisy for the night so we could both have a break (the first one since she arrived). He is now telling me I can go but is pretty much making my life hell which I assume is his attempt at making me not want to go. Is this his way if gaining control over me??
We have both gone to bed feeling very angry and sour, but it's hard to talk or argue about it as we live with his parents and I don't want them to overhear our issues. We are due to get married in march and I was so thrilled because I love him so much but now I feel like everything is falling apart and that I am making a serious mistake as I fear he may very quickly become mentally abusive and controlling. I want to move out but have no idea where to start, but part of me really wants this to work and hopes I am over thinking everything and trying to look for faults that aren't there. Am I being a bit of a sap or is there some logic in my madness?. I can't decide what I should do for the best, I feel so young (only 18) and scared and a little bit over my head here, just wanted advice on the situation and wondered WWYD?
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Well, I certainly wouldn't marry him. There's just too much negativity in your relationship for anything as serious as marriage. Marriage and childrearing are a partnership and it doesn't sound as if he's doing anywhere near his share. He doesn't want to care for his own child and he doesn't want you to enjoy time with your friends. Nice.
Can you & your baby move back home with your mum? You are very young to be tied down to someone who doesn't treat you with respect.
I would definitely cancel the marriage. Move out with your DC and be very wary of getting involved with this man. He sounds very controlling and abusive and IME things will only worsen.
I would try living on your own with baby.
Certainly do not marry him until you are a 110% sure its right.
This sounds a lot like the start of what I went through and it ended very badly. He should be wanting to.help with baby not being resentful when asked. He sounds very bitter and controlling and that will only get worse if you allow it. I was engaged to a partner like this and he turned very aggressive and volatile, I'm so glad I did not marry him!
Could you stay at your mother's for a while? if things start to improve maybe give it another go.
Really I want to shout take baby and run for the hills before it gets any worse...
Please do not allow yourself to be treat like that. You deserve better, so does baby who will pick up on the atmosphere. xx
I wouldn't live with him and think you should get away from him. You're far too young to be dealing with someone like that.
I'm interested in why you think you can't go to university. Did you get your A levels? (It's not a disaster if you didn't!) You could go to university next year if you did get your A levels (or any other year if you prefer.) The chance of a career is so much higher if you have a degree and the chance of your child gaining a degree is far more likely, too. More than that, though, university is great if you have a child, as you wouldn't have the problems you would have at work if you had to stay at home with your child. Did you know that universities have accommodation for young families? You would be mixing with others in the same position.
I'm 15 weeks pregnant, told on off boyfriend ( nearly 3 years) he didnt live with me, & havent saw him since, he only txts now & again, doesnt want baby or me, & now he is threatening me about my benefits, I have 2 other children, not his, I always wanted him to live with us, he said no, he lives with his mum & now wants his own place as he is I his mid 30,s but cant because he has no proof of address, said he doesnt want to get his mum in trouble, all his mail goes to his mum, he started college & thats also registered at his mum, drivers licence etc, he said he could say he was living with me, which he wasn't, his car is at his mums every nite, I think I'm being watched by fraud squad, he has blocked my number etc so cant contacted him, he put me on his car insurance which I have not used, I dont have a key, any post I got I sent " not known at this address" & told him to stop unless he would move in, he only stayed every 2nd Fri when he had his son, how is his mum not getting into trouble when his mail, I.e bank, college bursery, drivers licence etc is all registered at her house, she is claiming that spare rooms aren't occupied, but someone is definitely watchin me, I havent saw the dad to be for 4 weeks, very sad as pregnancy wasnt planned
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