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Long story: I share a lift and have moved house. Other person wants me to take a longer route to pick them up.

(13 Posts)
Arsenal123 Sat 23-Aug-14 13:04:24

My work commute was an hour each way and I share with two others.
We all lived just off the main road leading to the motorway. So the furthest girl would come and park at my place or pick me up and one of us would drive to the third girl's.

The problem is I now live further away than either of them so I suggested meeting at the third girls house as that is still on my route and would not add extra time to my journey. The second girl wants me to drive 8 miles out of my way (16 there and back) to pick them up and drop them off.

They mentioned that they did the same for me but that is not true. We were all on the same route more or less. And though it may have been a mile off the main road to my house, when I drove and they parked at mine they saved 6 miles each way by not having to go to the third girls house. I also offered to meet them there and gave them that choice but they declined phrasing it as though they were doing me a favour.

TBH I have hated sharing a lift with girl 2 but girl 3 is nice enough. Girl 2 is aggressive and has often been late. I see them as a bit of a bully and I had been a but intimidated by them and was kind of losing sleep over it. They had shouted at me because I mentioned that we all needed to keep to the agreed times. A few other colleagues have seen this side of them too but most would think me a wimp or a baby I would imagine.

The worst bit is they badgered me to share a lift. I had worked the commute into my budget and all was fine.

Anyway I occasionally meet a friend on my commute home (about once a month). I wouldn't be able to do that if I drive to their place. I don't like not having the freedom to do that. In fact I hate it. Plus we sometimes arrange it spur if the moment due to her other plans failing through etc.

Basically I either want to meet at girl threes house or have my original intention of not sharing with girl 2. Is this unreasonable?

NotALondoner Sat 23-Aug-14 13:09:31

Can you copy the first paragraph out as there is a bar in front of it and I can't read it.

CallingAllEngels Sat 23-Aug-14 13:13:57

In this situation I would stop lift sharing if it's not convenient for you (if you can afford it). 16 miles out of your way is a lot.

AlpacaMyBags Sat 23-Aug-14 13:14:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Vitalstatistix Sat 23-Aug-14 13:15:12

I think that all you can do is tell them what you are willing to do and say it is up to them if they accept it or choose to make their own way.
I mean, it's a long way out of your way, you dont want to do it and their preferred option is not enforceable! So give them their choices.

lunar1 Sat 23-Aug-14 13:16:05

I would just stop the lift share.

IDontDoIroning Sat 23-Aug-14 13:18:33

Just tell them that it doesn't work for you any longer that you will be quite happy to drive yourself everyday.

Arsenal123 Sat 23-Aug-14 13:24:01

I kind of feel guilty about it and maybe partly intimidated too. I know that's kind of pathetic. I think having relationship problems and a family member with ill health is heightening the stress. I am glad many of you would do what I intend to in this situation.

The commute is 70 miles each was so 8 miles is not huge in the grand scheme of it but the extra time and lack of freedom is the killer. As well as issues with girl 2.

ShadowStar Sat 23-Aug-14 13:25:41

I'd stop the lift share altogether.

Tell them it's no longer convenient from your new home.

Timeforabiscuit Sat 23-Aug-14 13:31:48

Just step away from the lift share, you don't enjoy it, you have no obligation - they can still liftshare to their hearts content!

If you want to break it to them gently, invent a relative you need to visit in the evenings after work, a new hobby, gym class - but I'd just go with the liftshare doesn't work for you anymore and end the conversation.

Enjoy the freedom and your choice of music on very loud!

Mrsgrumble Sat 23-Aug-14 13:33:16

Even though it is extra expense I honestly would go alone. Stop the lifts.

Don't let them bully you. Even tell a fib if you need to, that you have to call into an elderly aunt now, though you shouldn't have to fib.

Arsenal123 Tue 26-Aug-14 15:34:05

Thanks for the advice folks.

sykadelic Sun 07-Sep-14 02:44:06

Just adding my voice to the chorus, let them know you won't be involved anymore.

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