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Worried about nephew

(17 Posts)
Badsituationnamechange Wed 20-Aug-14 21:37:51

Hi, sorry if this is a bit rambled.

I am worried about my nephew, I am concerned that he is maybe being neglected or even hurt.

Around six months ago my sister was reported to social services anonymously for neglecting him and shouting and not looking after him properly and the state of her house. Her house IS absolutely shocking, dirty clothes and dishes everywhere, dirty nappies, dirty toilet and just stuff everywhere. Social services went round to My sisters house and said everything is fine and it must be malicious. How they could leave the house i that state I do not know. This is the second time she has been reported to ss for the state of her house. Last time she was referred she got a family worker to help her clean and tidy.

My current concerns are that my nephew is hardly ever dressed. My sister is going round to friends houses all the time till as late as 2 am then either walking home with him or as she did last night leaving him to sleep in a room with a 20 year old and a 17 year old boy who she doesn't know very well. She is hungover and in bed most of the day after so obviously this is not good for my nephew. My nephew is 3 years old by the way.

Also he has injuries that are often unexplained, last year he broke his arm and she didn't know how he did it she said, but lied to the hospital and said he fell of the sofa. He has bruises often. Today my other sister has been round to her house, she was in bed still at 3pm hungover and my nephew had a bruised toe and a bruised thumb with the cuticle ripped off and the bruising was completely black and looked like it needed to be seen by a doctor, sister said she had taken him to the doctors and they said it was fine. This is a lie, as the injury wasn't there on Monday and she has been out everyday since then and she looked guilty my other sister said.

Also she talks to him in such a horrible way, always calling him a knob and a brat because he is crying. He has a developmental delay and is currently functioning at the level of an 18 month-2 year old, and I really feel that it is totally innapropriate to be shouting and screaming at him all the time when he can't even understand what she's saying. She smacks him lots and pushes him roughly on the sofa.

Now I know I should report this to social services but most of this information is given to me second hand from my sister and not something I see myself as I don't see her very much as I have 3 children. I've seen the state of the house and I've seen her shouting but everything else is coming from my other sister. I have cleaned for her before as as my sister but it's always back to square one within days.

Would you report to social services with information that had been given to you 2nd hand? My other sister won't ring social services herself.

Badsituationnamechange Wed 20-Aug-14 21:40:05

Oh also the reason for the bruised thumb that my sister gave was that a cat had scratched him.

AlpacaLypse Wed 20-Aug-14 21:42:28


SavoyCabbage Wed 20-Aug-14 21:43:35

I would get round there a few times and see if I could see what your other sister is seeing.

And I would report her. I'm sure I would. I love my nephews as much as I love my own dc and I couldn't see them in this situation.

What does your other sister think should happen?

Rockinghorse123 Wed 20-Aug-14 21:43:46

It must be really hard as she is your sister but I would have to put my nephews wellbeing first and report this. He is 3 year old he needs someone to look after him as his mum doesn't seem to be.

Holidayfun Wed 20-Aug-14 21:45:04

Yes I would. My priority would be to my nephew and if I thought a family member was neglecting their child, I would do everything in my power to help them. I'm sure someone with experience will be along to advise you but if the above is all true, your nephew needs help and quickly.

Badsituationnamechange Wed 20-Aug-14 21:46:43

SavoyCabbage my other sister thinks she should be reported to social services but she doesn't want her to know it is her and she will know because she is the one who questioned her about his injury today and told her that she was lying.

She is worried that if she reports to socail services they will go round again and leave and say all is fine and then my sister will know who did it and it will cause a huge family fallout for no gain.

Littlefish Wed 20-Aug-14 21:46:58

Yes, I would ring either social services or NSPCC. Your nephew is being abused and neglected. I'm absolutely certain you wouldn't allow your own children to be treated like this.

Why won't your other sister phone?

TwentyTinyToes Wed 20-Aug-14 21:55:07

Please ring social services, that poor little boy.

Badsituationnamechange Wed 20-Aug-14 22:02:58

I am going to try and convince my sister to phone social services. If she won't i will do it anonymously online. I'm just worried about if all the facts are absolutely correct. But the shouting and the state of the house I have seen myself so that is enough to report isn't it?

I think she could do with having abfamily support worker again to be honest. She gets angry so so easily and flies of the handle at little things like wetting himself. Or for example if he hits one of our children she will hit him to teach hi a lesson sad

You are right I would absolutely not let my child be treate stoat way. I have a 3 year old and would never be able to live with myself if I hurt him in any way.

Last time I was at her house I took photos of the state of the place to possibly show her health visitor but then though what's the point as she has regular contact with the health visitor who is obviously not concerned about the house. She is very good at saying exactly what people want to hear and acting like a concerned parent.

Also she often gives him only a packet of crisps for lunch and thinks that is ok, I know that in itself is not a social services issue but it builds a picture I guess.

Badsituationnamechange Wed 20-Aug-14 22:03:27

Sorry for the typos

Oscarandelliesmum Wed 20-Aug-14 22:11:14

Poor little Boy, You are doing the right thing in reporting, even if your sister wont. Good luck - he is lucky he has you.

Badsituationnamechange Wed 20-Aug-14 22:18:26

Just a thought, me and my sister share the same health visitor. If I spoke to her would she be able to speak to my sister without mentioning that anyone had spoken to her or would she have to tell her?

SavoyCabbage Wed 20-Aug-14 23:03:27

I can understand your other sister feeling this way. At the moment at least she has access to your sister and nephew so she must be concerned that if she does report it, and nothing happens your nephew would be in a much worse position as he will have lost your other sister too.

I would ring for advise like everyone is saying, but you could also ask your health visitor what you should do if you know of someone living in these circumstances. See what she has to say.

Badsituationnamechange Wed 20-Aug-14 23:09:22

I think that is what I will do. I still see my health visitor as my DS is under a paediatrician for developmental problems. I will ring her tomorrow and arrange a visit.

It's so hard to know what to do, I feel sad knowing that he could be at risk of harm or at least neglect. On his birthday she was supposed to be taking him to a play centre but then changed her mind last minute because her friends were there sad not the end of the world I know at 3 but it did make me question her priorities.

Nephew has enough clothes and isn't underweight so I just worry that nothing will be done anyway.

Badsituationnamechange Wed 20-Aug-14 23:10:40

I would go round more if I could but she doesn't really like it when all my DC are there as it gets noisy.

SavoyCabbage Thu 21-Aug-14 00:15:49

It is a hard situation. It's not a black and white one as the social services have been called once already and there is a chance that nothing happens and she becomes isolated from your family which would be disastrous for your nephew. Can you go with just your own three year old?

You are doing the right thing by doing something.

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