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I'm so confused!

(10 Posts)
therealeasterbunny Fri 20-Jun-14 16:50:11

Last week I got a promotion at work, and quite a significant pay rise to go with it, which I was excited about. I like my job, it is a very good company to work for, I enjoy the work and my colleagues are great.

However, I absolutely cannot do any less hours, and it is horrible spending so much time away from my 18mo DS. I came home the other day and picked him up and he screamed at me until I gave him back to my mum (who does most of my childcare), which was really upsetting.

After this incident (before I got the promotion) I applied for a part time job which I found, which has perfect hours, equally great company, but the job is a lot less exciting than the one I currently do. I got invited for an interview, and have just found out that I got the job.

I need to let them know asap if I want it, but I really don't know what to do about it. I love my current job, my promoted role is exciting and fun, but I desparately miss my son. The trouble is, the industry I am in is fast moving and notoriously hard to get in to, so if I leave then there is not much chance of coming back.

I just want my current job with less hours, but I can't have that. sad

What would you do? My family think i'm crazy to not take the new job, but I feel like if I do take it then long term I may be shooting myself in the foot?

What would you do? Please help me decide!

momb Fri 20-Jun-14 16:56:18

I would take the promotion: because once you have left your industry you can't go back.
At 18m they are so in the moment: i remember a period where mine screamed the place down when I collected from nursery and I cried in the car all the way home: I spent my whole day looking forward to that pick up time and then was rejected. It will pass: I promise it will. Do not making a life changing career decision on the whims of a tired 18-month old.

greenhill Fri 20-Jun-14 17:13:14

I agree with momb

You use positive language about your promotion and aren't as thrilled about the part time job. Your 18 mo is going to throw the odd strop whether you are in ft or pt work, if he is tired; don't let guilt about that spoil your career.

The extra money will benefit your whole family in the long run, and the stimulation of working at a good company with great colleagues and having an exciting job must be such a positive thing. Of course you will miss your DS, but don't let the odd upset spoil how you feel about work. Presumably your DS and your DM tell you all about their day and sometimes it's nice to hear all about play dough rather than actually making things with it yourself and you'll have time together during breakfast, bath times, weekends and holidays etc to do all the fun kid stuff together.

nilbyname Fri 20-Jun-14 17:20:02

I can see both sides really.

Personally going down to 3 days a week as taking my career down a notch was the right decision for me. But 2 of my best mates are SAHPs so I have a good balance of work and seeing poeiple.

These early years are very precious. I'm not motivated by money (left an as agency in London on mega bucks) and switched it up for a more rural family life.

What does dh think?

Can you do a pros and cons list?

yummychocolate Fri 20-Jun-14 17:38:39

These early years are way to special. I work 3 days a week and I enjoy working and seeing more of ds. On days I work I hardly see him. There is no way I can do full time. Yes my career has taken a back seat but I will deal with that when my family is complete.

Saying that,you have to do what is right for your family and you have to see if you can afford to go part time. Also, are you ok with not moving forward with your career for a while?

MexicanSpringtime Fri 20-Jun-14 17:47:32

I heard recently that a good way to decide is to toss a coin, because while the coin is up in the air, you realise which way you want it to fall.

therealeasterbunny Sun 22-Jun-14 13:34:18

I still can't make my mind up, and I need to make a decision by tomorrow.

I feel like if I stay in my current job then I am basically picking my career over my son, which makes me feel horrible, but if I am being totally honest with myself, my current job is the one I would prefer. If both jobs were offering the same hours then I'd choose mine no question- but they aren't.

We can afford for me to take the part time job. We couldn't when I went back to work after mat leave, but our circumstances have changed recently meaning I am in a position to be able to work less. I am the main breadwinner, and it would mean cutting back a bit, but we can manage. I will feel like an evil mother if I don't take the opportunity as someone upthread said, they are little for such a short time.

I am so conflicted! I really wish I hadn't even got the job as then I wouldn't have a decision to make. I ultimately just wish I could cut down my current job to 3 days a week, but I know that's not possible.

kickassangel Sun 22-Jun-14 14:17:51

Stop wishing for what you can't have. You can't make a clear decision while you're focused on that.

Are you likely to want another child? If so, that will intensify the money v time thing - could you cope financially with 2 kids and you being part time?

Are you happy to never have a career again? Many industries just won't let you pick back up where you left off, and you could be looking at decades before you have a good job again. That will impact on everyone.

Would you be happier if DH was the SAHP? If it is that YOU want to be home more, then you're making the decision for yourself. Your son is being looked after by family, so has a long-term loving relationship. He won't love you any less because you work, you will still be his mother and he will know that.

Can you afford to be part time if something else crop up? e.g. problem with the house, your dh not being able to work, needing to pay more for childcare? Ideally your finances shouldn't be based on just about getting by, but on being able to save for problems. Life can be incredibly stressful and unhappy if you have money worries.

StillNoFuckingEyeDeer Sun 22-Jun-14 14:23:56

Is it better for you to be going out to a job you love & coming home happy, or to hate your job & be miserable about it, but have more time off?
In a couple of years he'll be at school & you may no longer want to be part time.

Xcountry Sun 22-Jun-14 14:31:02

You need out work out your own priorities. What do you want? I personally gave up whatever notion of a career I had and went back into agriculture with shit pay but fab hours and no childcare needs because my family is everything to me and a jobs a job no matter how fantastic. It depends what makes you tick. I'm not career motivated at all so that suits me but it wont suit everyone.

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