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planning my daughters funeral.....found out im pregnant

(6 Posts)
Getskinnyordietrying Thu 22-May-14 11:22:33

Please help. I'm so lost and confused my world is falling apart. I posted on here about a month ago, my daughter was born prematurely at 26 weeks, (I also have a son who is about to turn four) my daughter caught an infection and past away at the weekend, I've been busy trying to focus on making sure my son understands what has happened and is coping along with making funeral arrangements, putting my own emotions on hold as best I can. I've had a rocky relationship with my daughters father to say the least. (He has two sons with his wife and didnt want to be part of our daughters life - so much so that he has said he will not attend funeral) Two weeks after my daughter was born I met with him to ask for his help (even though my pleays were falling on deaf ears) we ended up having sex and parting ways. Yesterday while trying to figure out songs / readings and so on I found myself in agonising pain, I thought it was going to be scaring tissue or something wrong from giving birth at home early and choosing to be by my daughters side when she was moved to gos rather than getting checked out fully myself. After six hours in a&e I'm giving the news.... you're pregnant. My brain cannot function as it is, how can I deal with this? I know I can't put myself or my son through what is happening again but maybe there is a reason to keep that I'm unable to see while consumed with grief

Cric Thu 22-May-14 14:14:12

I am so sorry to hear about what has happened to you. I have never been in this situation but just couldn't ignore you. I hope someone will be able to help.

feathermucker Tue 27-May-14 18:47:21

Bless you. Im sorry I have no advice for you, but wanted to send my thoughts and best wishes. Maybe post in another section for more traffic xxxx

MichaelaS Sun 01-Jun-14 00:43:51

So sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter.

I can't say I know what it is like but I did have a baby at 24 weeks, who luckily survived, so I do understand the turmoil of having a baby in the NICU, and how emotionally raw it all is. I can only imagine how much worse it is if your baby doesn't make it.

It must be a complete shock to find out you are pregnant.

I would suggest a few things - but please ignore me if these don't seem right.

Firstly, did A&E realise how recently you've given birth? And that your daughter was premmie? I'm not sure how quickly the pregnancy hormones clear from your bloodstream, but I think they are higher during the middle trimester than towards the end, so perhaps give it another week or two and do a home test to be sure that it wasn't a false positive from all the hormones your body is putting out. Stress can affect hormones quite dramatically so I wouldn't be suprised if things were a bit out of kilter in your system.

Secondly, you don't have to think about this pregnancy just yet. Bury your daughter, go through the formalities of the funeral and then come back to how you feel about this. There are choices you can make (about whether or not to keep the pregnancy) which I'd generally say were best made sooner rather than later, but you are in a very unusual and unique position and from the sounds of your post you have a few weeks if not a few months before you need to know for sure.

Thirdly, if you are or were in agonising pelvic pain then have the doctors looked at the possibility of an ectopic pregancy? If you're still in pain you should go back and keep going back until they take you seriously. An ectopic pregnancy can be very serious for your health.

Lastly, I'm sorry you're in this impossible situation, not only with your daughter's passing, but trying to look after your son too, going your separate ways from your daughter's father, and now the new pregnancy. Please be kind to yourself, ask for help wherever you can find it (GP, friends, family, nursery or school gate mums etc) and give yourself some time to think clearly before you act.


SamiBE Sun 13-Jul-14 16:57:39

Im so sorry for your loss, I like to think things happen for a reason, maybe this baby is meant to be and to help you through the grieving process? Xx

sugar21 Sun 13-Jul-14 17:12:53

So sorry for your loss, I know what it is like to lose a child. My DD died aged 7months and that was 5 years ago. Still haven't really got over it. You pregnancy may be a gift from God but you have to try and stay focused on what you must do. If it's any consolation at all I know this sounds mega daft but I believe all the tiny children who have died have gone to live with Angels. This has kept me relatively sane since my DD left us. I do hope you are going to be alright. A lot has happened and please just take tiny steps towards what you have to do. You have to grieve, so please try to . It won't be easy but remember your DC now has an angel to care for her. I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Love and a big sugar hug for you. Try to be brave oh and follow your instincts on everything.
Much Love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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