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House move reversal - am I mad?

(12 Posts)
catherinemm Mon 19-May-14 18:55:22

I am thinking of reversing a house move . . .

Back in 2009 (pre baby) OH and moved to the country (Herefordshire, where I am from) from London so he could start a bakery somewhere affordable. We did miss London a lot though and I kinda never left as was still working in old London based job, staying in London overnight each week to do 2 days in the office and working at home the rest of the time (which was hard). My life in the country got better when I went on mat leave in late 2011 (baby born early 2012), but the old yearn for the city was still there so OH encouraged me to apply for a promotion while on mat leave so we could return to the city with him quitting his business (which was frustrating him for many reasons including the venue of the bakery not being right) to become a SAHD (with eventual plan of starting a bakery in London).

I got the job and returned to work in late 2012 but we still nearly didn’t move due to the expense of housing in London – we could only afford a shoe box on the open market (for buying or renting). We then found an amazing shared ownership flat which we fell in love with. Though major delays with it being finished meant we had to live with my parents for 5 months and we eventually moved last summer.

Despite the tumultuous journey getting to our new lovely flat we are now thinking of moving back to the country! I began to regret the move back in October - hated being tied to working full time and feeling very poor (all my salary is used up on the basics of life – I guess we should have foreseen this). It also became evident I could do my job on old flexi working arrangement and I missed the countryside more than I thought I would. For OH months of looking have made him realise that starting a bakery in London is probably an impossible dream unless he comes into serious money.

I am now pregnant (ok so that was a bit miss-timed!) – though I get 6 months full pay if I want to take more time off (which I do) we need an equivalent wage of my salary to start coming in by next Feb if we are to stay in London. In the mean time OH has stumbled upon an excellent new location for the bakery back in Hereford – a kind of place he always dreamed of when we were there. It’s affordable plus he has an investor there (though not for anything in London). We also stand to make £35k on our flat by selling. This means we could afford a larger family home in Hereford but with a small enough mortgage to open up the possibility of me going on a career break after mat leave which I’d really like – if not that then I’d return 3 days a week and have to spend one night a week in London away from 2 kids (though on upside I’d have lots of time with them when away from home).

My head is saying yes to all of this OH in particular is doubting. He sees it as failure to give up on London and thinks we may regret it again. He’s contemplating returning to employment (he’s been self employed for 5 years now) to stay but worries he won’t earn enough and will hate it. In some ways I’d love to just convince him to move back but his doubts are real and they have made me unsure too – maybe moving back is attractive just because its safe? Overall I just want to end the turmoil- feel like I have been unsure of where to live for the best for my OH and family for nearly 2 years! What would you do? Would we be silly to return to the country or is it the best thing to do for the situation?

catherinemm Tue 20-May-14 19:22:12

Boo no advice, should I post it elsewhere?

MissMilbanke Tue 20-May-14 19:28:32

Follow your dream and move back to Hereford.

OK it didn't work out first time , but you know what to expect this time and you will be better prepared for all eventualities.

Vertana Tue 20-May-14 19:33:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

catherinemm Tue 20-May-14 21:18:53

Two differing views . . . To answer vertana's questions:
- we mainly missed our friends, Asian food (no china town in the country) and the buzz. Though I have very much enjoyed going to china town a lot since we've been back the other 2 have been less crucial - all our mates have kids now and we meet up and go out less. When we do it tends to be planned in advance so we could arrange visits if we moved back. I should also add that when in Hereford before our house was a bit rubbish and too small for guests. This time we could afford somewhere bigger so could invite friends to stay.
- DP could look for a job and is considering it but costs of our mortgage and rent / service charge are high meaning he would need to match my salary or nearly for us to not be totally skint or me have to return to work after 6 m

catherinemm Tue 20-May-14 21:23:58

Sorry didn't finish - realistically it's likely he won't be able to earn that much - been out of work too long.

I do agree I perhaps haven't given london a chance now but feel it's too late now am pregnant - I was having doubts before I got pregnant and partly brought forward trying for number 2 cos saw it as a 'way back', given I'm now rooting work more and cos of DPs doubts I do regret that but can't think about that too much, ultimately we want 2 kids and I don't want to begrudge this baby. However, cos of the pregnancy I can't see how we can stay - think we have to get out (though may be not to Hereford) and move so where cheaper, but maybe a missing a trick, though in a way is rather leave I wish I had alternative plan to at least discuss with DP

catherinemm Wed 21-May-14 07:22:26

Sorry awful typos there - writing on phone while crouched over LOs bed. Basically staying would be easier if I weren't pregant but I am.

JazzAnnNonMouse Wed 21-May-14 07:33:26

Well it sounds although your mind is already made up you just need reassurance!
Move! You only get one life, live it how too want to live it and love living it grin

catherinemm Wed 21-May-14 07:46:55

I think you are right. OH is not c

catherinemm Wed 21-May-14 07:48:24

again posted accidently!

OH has serious doubts - I motored the move to London then I have regretted. Poor thing, no wonder he's cross with me! But now I think the solution to good finances is leave. I don't know how to convince him that I'm sure this time round

JazzAnnNonMouse Thu 22-May-14 16:33:31

Show him this!

catherinemm Thu 29-May-14 20:10:17

worst poss outcome on this. Despite me giving OH number of chances to back out we went ahead with flat valuation and sale (at huge cost to us, perils of shared ownership). Doubts grew for both of us after a couple of viewings at the weekend but we both agreed moving best for family. Then on Tuesday he had a major uturn and decided we must stay. I am glad he is sure but it's kinda thrown me cos I wanted to move and had kinda done so in my head. and we have lost a lot of money, which is his fault really. He wants me to buck up and move on and embrace staying but I'm scared, upset and angry. Not to mention hormonal. I just want him to get that. But he's a man, so he won't.

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