Keeping contact with friend(2 Posts)
Looking for some advice please. I met a mum a few years ago through a baby group and we have stayed in touch ever since. My ds is older than her dd and we stay a short drive from each other. She does not drive and there is no bus that goes from where she lives to where I live. For the last 3.5 years I have driven over there on a regular basis, often on weekly visits. I have suggested over time that we meet in other places than the house so the kids can have more space to run around and every time apart from a handful she always says no, cant make it or another reason why not. Ds and I are both finding it hard and not very enjoyable going anymore and ds has asked for a long time now if we cannot go and I have been asking if she could come visit us (can get her with oh giving a lift) but she always finds a reason not to come. I have been feeling for a while that the friendship is one way and that it is always me having to make the effort to go visit and that this is not reciprocated and I am at a crossroads now of thinking what to do next as I don't see it ever changing she is just someone that likes people to come to her. Wwyd? We do not have much shared interests and ds and her dd have nothing in common but we enjoy hanging out and small chatting and she is a lovely person hence we have kept in touch. I know a big part of this is she does not drive but she can get a lift here if she wanted but it is that she does not want to come here that is the issue for me when I have put so much effort into visiting her for so long.
I've been in this situation and it's annoying. I know you said you've asked, but could you just say, "I'd love to meet up but we always come to you, would you mind coming to us this time?" If she makes an excuse and doesn't want to see you, that tells you everything you need to know really.
I had two friends that used to do this. One now drives and has more than made up for the years of driving to hers I did, and the other I called out and bluntly invited her here - she tried really hard but couldn't make it work (train would've meant three stops and £30 to do what would've taken me a 20 minute trip in the car!) so I appreciated that she tried at least. Now I know it will always be me going to her - so if I don't feel like it I'm honest and just say I can't be faffed with the drive, and suggest another day.
It really comes down to you as to whether you value the friendship enough to overlook the annoyance of always going to her, as frustrating as it is.
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