Parents slate my hubby(5 Posts)
I've been with my husband for 10 years, married for 5. We have a 15 month old daughter.
We used to live in his home country for 8 years - during that time hubby was so good to my parents... Inviting them over to visit & sometimes even paying for their flights. When they visited he used to buy nice food for them to have for their visit & usually planned fun things for us all to do together. He did this, not me. Just because he's kind & he loves my parents.
They always seemed to like him & got on well, but since our daughter's been born they keep nit picking at him (mainly via me) They've suddenly decided he's controlling (he's not really)
6 months ago we moved back to my home town to be closer to my parents. My husband gave up his job & has managed to get a good job here. I'm a stay at home mum (that was primarily my choice & hubby fully supports this. It's something my mam also did & is a big believer in)
My parents constantly drop little things into conversations with me about how hubby behaves. He was away for the weekend & my mum text me saying "I gather your boss is back"... My dad talks about "other people" being controlling & always thinking they're right (I know he's referring to my hubby). He works full time so I enjoy having dinner ready when he comes home etc, but of course I would do that as a SAHM, it's not something I begrudge. I know my parents think I'm bowing to his needs, but we're very happy together & have a good arrangement going that works for us both (& our daughter)
How do I let my parents know that their opinions on him are completely unfounded? They go on as if he's the devil himself, but he is a fab husband & dad, a kind person, ambitious, hard working, thoughtful etc.
My parents are great too & brilliant grand parents.
How do I put an end to this? It's stressing me out daily.
You call them on it, every single time. You say "Please do not speak about my husband like that" when it's obviously about him. And "I hope you're not referring to my situation with DH?" at other times. Just don't let them bad-mouth him.
Every single comment you jump on
"oh it must be awful for people like that -am so glad I've got DH" for the general ones where they aren't obviously talking about him.
"is the boss home" - "who ? - Dh's boss didn't go away with them - it was him and his old friend bob"
Just be very careful you aren't complaining about little things - so no "I am shattered - dd was up twice in the night while DH lay snoring"
Big up the little things he does "oh dd was so cute last night making faces while DH read her story"
My mum did this to me. To be honest, a lot of the stuff she said was true but her manner was totally inappropriate. I was heavily pregnant when she told me that my "lazy good for nothing husband would be no use when the baby came". So I told her to get out and not come back until she could be polite.
She didn't contact me for a while, but DS arrived She was very apologetic and hasn't said a bad word about DH since. She needed to know that my relationship with DH came before her.
What I'm saying is, you need to tell her it's not appropriate. It will hurt your DD when she picks up on it (and she WILL pick up on it). Nip it in the bud now so you can all move on. Probably better to sit down and have a mature chat rather than a massive row lie me though!
You're all right, thank you for your advice. I make a point of not mentioning any little things he might do "wrong" (no-one's perfect!) and I also make sure I mention the nice things he does (I just drop them in casually into conversation!)
I might need to be slightly more direct, but keep it nice! They genuinely believe their opinions aren't just opinions...they think it's all fact!
It just annoys me how they can be so wrong but think they are right. I know they mention it to their friends etc too, so I feel like our relationship is being judged. We always had a good relationship with my parents so I want to try & maintain it.
Thanks again for all your advice
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