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Real f***ed up Jeremy Kyle type s***

(17 Posts)
Getskinnyordietrying Sat 03-May-14 06:24:26

This may be a little drawn out but it's a long story! - and im new to this and all the abbreviations. It's feb 2013 I'm 25 and have a 3 year old son who doesn't see his father. I join a website and this guy contacts me, seems genuine although I have my doubts with all the stories you hear. We got on really well and he looked amazing in his photos we arranged to meet but because of the doubts in my mind and after bring single so long and memories of my last relationship I stood him up. We spoke after and I explained this....he was still interested and keen to meet. Eventually we did and we got on really well...I knew he was married and he said he was separated with a son the same age as mine. There was lots of cancelled meetings due to our Childcare arrangements but we spoke everyday told each other we loved one another and shared ideas about our future but he had to take things slow as he was in a new job just back from living abroad living with friends and trying to see as much of his son as possible. Cutting a very long story sort was difficult for him to spend time at my place as my son is a light sleeper often up 3-5 times a night and ending up in my bed, couldn't go to his as he was staying with friends who were friends with his wife and he didn't want to rock the boat when in came to access to his son. We spent a lot of time (esp after he lost his job) at one if his other friends houses while he was at work I didn't mind too much he was great we got on and the sex was pretty decent. He saw my son a few times even commented on how much of a good kid he is. Soon after he lost his job he asked if he could borrow 50 that he owed his friend (the one who's house we had been using felt like it only fair after what we had been up to in his home. I paid the money directly into his friends bank account and as I'd never seen this friend but now had a full name I thought I'd be a little nosey and check out his friend on Facebook - while looking at this blokes friends I came across my fellas could I not look? To my horror I see she is pregnant I asked him about it and after calling me a crazy stalker said that she had had a one night stand the first since they had separated and that the child wasn't his and his wife didn't know the fathers name even. He said he was pleased for her as after their son was born she was told she cannot have any more children. I was supportive felt sorry for him and was there for him. Just before Christmas I had my own family issues going on and I was being stood up constantly! We talked throu it I was invited over to where he was living some evenings when he had his son (after he'd been put to bed) I even booked us our first holiday. Mid jan we were back at me being messed around so I ended it. Felt very bad about it and said we should talk etc finally we arranged to met again to talk but just talk clear the air and part on good terms before we met I discovered that I was pregnant, when he found out he went ballistic calling me all sorts and not to keep it I said I needed time to think about it, when I told him I wanted to keep the baby he said I couldn't because he wanted to be a dad to his son full time and give his marriage another go I argued that he was being unreasonable I mean his wife was having a baby with someone else if they want to be together sure I'd want him to be happy but this child could still be born and loved etc then I was told that the baby a boy was his and had been born already (around the time he was messing me about) and didn't want to know our child. I totally freaked out and messaged his wife family and friends on Facebook. Lots of arguments later, me trying to explain I'm actually further along than I thought (I wasn't really keeping track of my pill with all my family things going on) we arranged to meet for some last no strings fun. He wasn't feeling well but showed up it was awkward but ok he said was sorry for being a disappoint he didn't want to cancel but felt awful even being sick after leaving. We arrange to meet again and he tells me he loves me and the baby kisses touches my bump and he is extremely turned on by it all sex is great and we go our separate ways. Two days later I find myself in agony on the bathroom floor giving birth at 26 weeks. I let him know we have a daughter and send him a pic, I try to explain the complications with her being born so early he says he doesn't want to know. I had to leave my daughters side for a few hours as I had nothing I had someone watching my son and someone sitting in the hospital with my daughter instead of doing what I had to do I met him again to talk but well we didn't do much talking. I was told she has around a 15% chance of survival I called him in tears and explained that she probably won't even make it throu the night, he seemed concerned saying I'm so sorry etc etc. my daughter is still fighting for her life weighing around 1lb and I'm unable to hold her. My body isn't producing milk to feed her. I'm so scared, I'm struggling daily with it on no sleep trying to explain things to my son in a child friendly way and be in two places at once. I feel like I can't cope much longer. It's always been just me and my son we have been inseparable from day one but now I just feel so distant also longing to hold my daughter .... All the while messaging him.

Busymumto3dc Sat 03-May-14 06:28:58

Oh my goodness you poor thing

You have been through it haven't you!

I have no personal experience to draw on but I am sure someone else will be able to offer words of wisdom

I would say focus on yourself and your dc. You have told him the score. Balls in his court now.

How long ago was your baby born?

Redtartanshoes Sat 03-May-14 06:40:55

You need to concentrate on your children. They both need you.

It sounds to me like your dp is trying to have his cake and eat it, and I wouldn't be surprised if he was still with his wife and had fed her a load of lies too.

Forget about him, at least for a few days. Your daughter is seriously ill and needs you. That's the most important part of this story, not his mates or the sex or how many times he calls you. Your daughter.

JakeBullet Sat 03-May-14 06:54:49

You poor woman...what an awful ordeal to be going through.

Right...first things first, he is being an utter bastard...and a cold hearted one too.

Have you got other people around who can support you with your son so you can be with your daughter.

26 weeks is very early but babies can and do survive with the right support.

Stop messaging him...he is not interested and this is his loss. You need to keep all your energy for you, your son and your daughter.....don't waste any energy on him...he isn't worth it.

I suspect he has been married the whole time and lying both to you and his wife.

wannabestressfree Sat 03-May-14 06:54:56

I agree with the others above. I wouldn't give him the time of day and instead focus on your babies. He is using you ....

Coconutty Sat 03-May-14 07:04:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Getskinnyordietrying Sat 03-May-14 08:23:08

Thank you everyone! I needed to hear that! Daughter was born on April 11th barely feeding and hardly gained an real life I have two brothers, but they have families of their own and work away a lot although they are both here as much as possible and are helping with my son however he is a real mummies boy and is clingy at the best of times. I am worried about him being here seeing his sister the way she is and the effects it's having on him.

whitepuddingsupper Sat 03-May-14 19:32:55

You poor thing, it must have been traumatic giving birth at home so early and suddenly.

I agree with the above advice to forget him for just now, he knows he has a daughter who is very poorly and if he won't come to see her and support you through it he is a complete waste of oxygen and doesn't deserve to be in your lives.

I hope your daughter turns a corner and her health improves very soon.

RhondaJean Sat 03-May-14 19:40:52

I went into labour at 29 weeks - I remember how frightening that was. You are probably still in shock from all of this.

Others are right, you need to forgoet him for the minute, stop texting him, and focus all your energy on you and your baby and your little boy.

If I was you, I would block his number, to be completely honest all you are doing right now is feeding his ego.

Lanabelle Sat 03-May-14 19:57:46

Just hold on, you're doing fine yourself. You don't need him hes a wuss. shes made from you and if you can get through all that then shes got a fighting chance. Your son will probably understand more than you think too. You will be in my thoughts tonight, I wish you and your children all the best

chocolatespiders Sat 03-May-14 20:06:24

Oh my goodness you poor thing..
Ignore him he doesn't deserve you.
Concentrate on you and your children and you will be just fine.
Wishing you lots of strength x

sarahquilt Sat 03-May-14 20:19:57

It's obvious that he had never separated from the wife and was stringing you along the whole time. Don't contact him again - he's a twat.

LEMmingaround Sat 03-May-14 20:20:04

What a vile vile man, why do you even want him in your children's lives? Seriously - you'll be much happier once you have blocked his number from your phone/facebook etc, reported him to the CSA and move on with your own life. He is a cunt and has been stringing you along the whole time.

Getskinnyordietrying Sat 03-May-14 20:45:05

You guys are amazing! I love all the support! Thank you so much! We ended up speaking well texting as usual today.....he is more worried about the details in this post and the fact now people know we have still been sleeping together rather than our daughters condition. Apparently this is an attack by me on his two sons. Got a text saying anymore messages and anything goes...basically don't mess. Its been a long and emotional day with daughters treatment and keeping son occupied. I totally fucking snapped said some things that in all honesty impressed me....I didn't think I had enough left in me for another fight.

It's not even that I want to be with him the thought of this situation makes my skin crawl. It's not about the money he owes me shit loads, doesn't work and I myself am financially ok with my own growing business. I had a small but tight family growing up and I think every child needs stability but I am on my own and two kids??? Two different dads???? Bring on the akward questions!!! I often wonder if I as a single parent am enough for them.

chocolatespiders Sat 03-May-14 21:29:16

I am a single parent and I am most definitely enough for both of mine smile

MotorLoo Sat 03-May-14 21:47:41

Of course you will be enough for them. Children don't necessarily need two parents, especially if one of them is too selfish to step up to the plate. The love you have for your children shines through in your post and that will be enough.

You will likely be in for a tough time now - trying to deal with the pain your ex has caused, caring for your children and dealing with the traumatic early birth of your daughter, not to mention your hormones will be all over the place, as they are with every new mum. But you will get through it and will be stronger for it. You do not need this guy, you will be much better equipped to deal with the challenges you face without him adding to your stress levels.

This is such a special time in your life - the birth of your daughter. But also a very frightening time with her being born so early. He helped create your little girl, he should be by your side, sharing your joy and your fears. But he isn't and so he doesn't deserve to have you and your children in his life. Honestly, you are better off without him. You need to concentrate all your energy on your children now. You deserve a happy future and there's no chance of that with this guy letting you down.


MotorLoo Sat 03-May-14 21:53:10

Also, single parent families can be just as stable as families where the parents are together. You bringing up the children on your own would provide so much more stability than him arsing around, coming and going, treating you - their mother - like shit. That would be damaging for your children. You bringing them up on your own in a safe, happy environment would provide stability, whether or not a dad is around is irrelevant.

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