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I know I'm being selfish, but I don't want my friend to join the slimming class I go to

(9 Posts)
jumblebee Sat 29-Mar-14 23:19:03

I'll try to keep it brief. Me and best friend (A) have joined slimming world a few weeks ago. We're not competitive with each other and I've found it's been good having someone to talk to about.

Mutual friend (B) accidentally found out we were going together (my mum me filmed if when B was round) and berated us for not telling her and asking if she wanted to come.

I know she is free to do what she wants and anyone can join any class, I just don't want her to join the one we're going to :-/ she's very competitive and loves to take over and is generally a bit of a nightmare. I lost weight pre-baby and when people coe red she got angry that no one commented that she had lost weight. I just feel like she'll constantly compete and make it "her thing".

I know I'm being horrible and have no right to say I don't want her to come, I just don't sad I enjoyed it being just me and A. Plus it's not something we really want to broadcast with everyone, whereas B would likely put it all over Facebook.

Someone please tell me to grow up! (Or maybe there is someone who understand my irrational feelings?)

treaclesoda Sat 29-Mar-14 23:22:17

I don't think you are being irrational. But I do think that she sounds like a bit of a nightmare, it doesn't sound like a very enjoyable 'friendship' at all.

jumblebee Sat 29-Mar-14 23:33:46

She can be great fun sometimes, but is very controlling of every single situation. I just find it too much, she gets offended if we do anything without her.

Plus I think there's a time and a place for competitiveness but healthy weight loss isn't one of them. I've joined a weight loss club with her in the past, it wasn't enjoyable, I just felt like we were always competing and everything she did was always better than me. Plus every few weeks she's always raving about some new diet tricks, detoxing, weight loss pills etc and has never followed any through. I really do sound awful, but I just don't want it to become her "thing".

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sat 29-Mar-14 23:37:35

Say " A and I have paired up it works well just for us - I think it strained our friendship the last time you and I did this together as our approach is so
Different. Why don't we all go swimming/Zumba/for a walk on this day instead?"

treaclesoda Sat 29-Mar-14 23:39:57

I don't think you sound awful at all!

I once read a post here on mumsnet that has always stuck in my mind. It was something to the effect of 'if you feel worse after seeing/chatting to a friend than you did beforehand, they're not really your friend'.

It's really easy for someone to be a bundle of fun, and a good laugh, when everything is on their terms. But the people who actually enhance your life properly are the ones who give as well as take.

I think you're being far too hard on yourself, you don't sound selfish at all, sometimes its ok to out yourself first.

treaclesoda Sat 29-Mar-14 23:40:59

to PUT yourself first, not out yourself!

Isabelle12 Thu 03-Apr-14 05:35:45

I'd be tempted to cut the friendship. She may be fun at times, but overall, it sounds like she's the sort of "friend" that you could do without. And I agree with the other ladies on this thread - in no way are you being selfish, it's your "friend" B who is the selfish one.

GemmaPomPom Thu 03-Apr-14 06:18:01

I feel a bit sorry for you and A, I hope this doesn't derail you from your weight loss mission.

Could you say, "Oh, we're probably not going to go anymore, we are going to do x instead."

Although it does sound like she's got no staying power, so probably wouldn't last.

Linguini Thu 03-Apr-14 11:52:32

I have a friend just like this, she manages to turn everything into a competition, even things like how successfull her bother is compared to mine, or other strange things I would never even think to compete over like finances. It becomes opressive and takes the pleasure out of things!

Probably a tough thing to do, but come out with it straight

"I want to loose weight healthily and enjoyably, and at a pace that I feel comfortable with, without getting involved in uneccessary competition which I find you seem to turn everything into, sorry"

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