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Head teacher physical with 9 year old son

(22 Posts)
DesperateDani Wed 26-Mar-14 23:26:31

Can anyone please help me with official advice? My child has been bullied relentlessly by children at his school and on what was to be his last day at school he told the (new) Headmaster he didn't feel safe with him as he had with our previous very kind Headmistress, he felt scared and he wanted to go home. The Head told him to go to his office, he was scared and upset and he refused. Without warning the Head then picked him up - from behind - and carried him to his office, my son was very scared having only known this man a matter of weeks, and he's never been physically treated like that really and he waved his arms about in defence. The Head later told me when I arrived that my child had hit him. To cut a long story short I have removed my child from that school and he is never going back. I have instigated the schools complaints procedures and involved Governors etc. Does anyone have any previous experiences of anything like this? It's all been so upsetting.

MoreCrackThanHarlem Wed 26-Mar-14 23:43:52

How old is your son?

DesperateDani Wed 26-Mar-14 23:45:31


DesperateDani Wed 26-Mar-14 23:48:30

The bullying that has gone on in the school for months and months is another issue - at least he's now away from that - and I have all details of that in writing over time and am complaining about too - I am just trying to work out what the Head was playing at and if he can get away with it?

LaurieFairyCake Wed 26-Mar-14 23:52:29

Yes he's allowed to pick him up when a child refuses to carry out an instruction

It's for his own safety, he didn't hurt him or harm him in any way - he's not going to leave him randomly in a corridor

NigellasDealer Wed 26-Mar-14 23:52:39

the thing is there are new guidelines about 'restraint' and i imagine if you put in a complaint the story will be different from yours. not that i am doubting what you say. Your son is out of there now right?

5OBalesofHay Wed 26-Mar-14 23:52:48

Deal with your son's behaviour before he gets excluded would be my advice. He needs to obey reasonable instructions and not lash out

Sparklysilversequins Wed 26-Mar-14 23:58:11

Yes my child was "restrained" by having his head held down on a desk and banged down every time he tried to lift it. I made formal complaints, withdrew him etc, I heard nothing for 6 weeks and thorn received a letter from the LA saying they found no case to answer for the teacher in question as she had never been alone with him. My ds has ASD and cannot lie or make up situations, he is simply mentally unable to do it.

He is home educated now and it is unlikely he will ever return to education thanks to that c*nt.

That's our story, hope you have better luck with yours.

DesperateDani Thu 27-Mar-14 00:15:04

Thank you sparkly how very sad. So sorry for you. To be clear 50bales my son has never threatened/attacked, he didn't 'hit' the Head or need to be restrained for his or anyone else's safety. He has no behavioural problems and had straight A's on his last school report for his attitude towards teachers/school/learning. He has however been very badly bullied in recent months at the school - and has felt very scared and been very reluctant to go to school because of boys in the class verbally and physically threatening him. I feel the Headmaster over reacted given the circumstances. Thank you for your comments, I am going to leave this thread now - I am regretting opening this up for public discussion, it is too upsetting for me. Sorry. Thank you for your comments.

Sparklysilversequins Thu 27-Mar-14 00:19:45

Please PM me if you would like to talk more. I know how awful this kind of situation is.

Pheonixisrising Thu 27-Mar-14 18:38:20

Dani , just in case you pop back for a peek , can I just say that you are not allowed to pick a child up ( in the uk )
Have you any witnesses ?
You must look at the complaints policy and speak to a governor
I hope you get to the bottom of this

Pheonixisrising Thu 27-Mar-14 18:42:18

Sorry , can I just say that it maybe worth explaining to the head that had he not picked your son up he wouldn't have got hit .

HolidayCriminal Thu 27-Mar-14 18:43:27

How long has this head been at the school?

LynetteScavo Thu 27-Mar-14 18:56:15

Something similar happened to my DS seven years ago(he never went back to that school).

I wish to this day I had taken some action, rather than just removing DS.

Your child should not have been picked up in a way that enabled him to wave his arms and hit the person picking him up. There are correct ways of physically handling children, which obviously didn't happen in this incident.

At the very least I would make the governors aware of the incident, and suggest staff are trained in how to restrain/move children.

DesperateDani Fri 28-Mar-14 08:39:13

holiday The Head has only been there a few weeks. We had previously had quite a few meetings regarding bullying incidents. He felt other children were quite rough with my son and physically pushed him about which was starting to trigger incidents and told me he wanted the boys to work on respecting each other's personal boundaries and not placing their hands on my child. Made his actions even harder to stomach or understand.

DesperateDani Fri 28-Mar-14 08:43:36

sparkly Thank you so much. I don't think parents realise how truly awful these situations can be until it happens to them. Just knowing someone understands is a great help. I think ultimately we just need to move forward from it and we definitely won't be going back to the school. I have made official complaints about the Head and the lack of control in general over the classroom. There are about 20 incidents that were not dealt with properly- I have itemised all of those and met with the Chair of Governors once and now the next stage involves all of the Governors. We won't be at the school anymore but I feel a responsibility to other parents/children in that school.

DesperateDani Fri 28-Mar-14 08:48:09

Pheonix Thank you. Very reassuring to hear. I think unfortunately the Head made a snap decision at that moment and was wrong. There was no safety issue, my child wasn't going to run off - never has - all he needed to say to him was something like 'I would like you to go into my office where you will be safe and we can talk, and your mum has been called, if you won't then I will pick you up and take you there' but he gave my child no warning at all and picked him up from behind - what kind of reaction did be expect? I do very much appreciate all positive & supportive comments and I will pursue this for the sake of the other children in that class and their rights - although my child is out of there now.

DesperateDani Fri 28-Mar-14 08:54:15

laurie sorry - just noticed your post. Why do you believe he is allowed to pick him up from behind without warning? I have friends who are teachers and they don't believe he was correct to do it. Another friend who is qualified to works with children with special needs told me she was taught (recently) to restrain a child if absolutely necessary (very rare circumstances where there is obviously a serious threat to safety) but not to attempt to move a child as this is not advisable and can cause further problems. To clarify my child was in a corridor, no other children were around (they were all having their lunch) he has no history of ever hurting a teacher or himself - he hasn't run away or threatened do. All he did in that moment was tell the (new & male) Headmaster that he was scared and he didn't feel safe with him and wanted someone to call me so I could come and fetch him. I don't know how more clear he could have been??

DesperateDani Fri 28-Mar-14 09:02:56

nigella do you know where I can find these new guidelines? The Head is now saying he did it for 'safety' reasons citing that IF he had run off (never has or threatened to) there was a door about 20 feet away that he could have run out of into the street (This door is the main entrance to the school through the office and of course is always and was LOCKED and the other way he could have run was about 50 foot towards the dining room where everyone was having lunch. Safety issue?? No weapon involved - no history - no threats. My TA friend think the Head just made a bad call. Fair enough. Would be nice if he just admitted that then and decided to not treat scared vulnerable children like that again. I actually think it could have ended a lot worse. Not sure what I would have done if he had tried to pick me up from behind!!

NigellasDealer Fri 28-Mar-14 09:07:16

here you go dani

DesperateDani Fri 28-Mar-14 09:33:45

Thank you SO much Nigella that is perfect. I guess we will be focusing on the word 'reasonable' in that little lot. Very helpful, thanks again.

DesperateDani Fri 28-Mar-14 09:34:14

Thank you SO much Nigella that is perfect. I guess we will be focusing on the word 'reasonable' in that little lot. Very helpful, thanks again.

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