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(3 Posts)
Lovemy3kids Sun 23-Mar-14 12:03:05

Hi...need some advice.

I've been chasing my ex through the CSA for over 12 months. He won't pay what has been requested by them, he won't acknowledge their letters and when they ring him he either refuses to answer or he hangs up. They have today rang me to say that hmrc can find no trace of him being employed (he dissolved his company recently) so they have said theres nothing they can do.

I've told them that he is working on a self employed basis and have provided them in the past with all the details. They are going to try this avenue now. They have all the info on him, the fact that he has a website with his details on advertising his business, they have google street mapped his brand new house, but we are still no further forward 14 months on.

He sees his 2 children for 3 hours (term time only) one day a week and has them every other weekend. He won't have them during school holidays apart from his weekends.

Part of me wants to tell him that until he starts to pay that he cannot see the kids, but the other part of me knows this is unfair on them. But the fact that he's not providing financially yet still wants to see them is unfair on them too. I have struggled for the last 2 years (only contacted CSA feb 2013) where I have solely provided everything financially for my 3 kids (eldest not his) and I am getting frustrated by his lack of being a responsible parent. Should I risk threatening him with no contact? My conscience tells me not to do it, but the other part of me says to do it. Has anyone else done this?? PLEASE DONT SLATE ME AS I HAVENT TAKEN THIS STEP YET!

Are ther any other avenues apart from CSA that I can take to get money off him? Court....solicitors?? I know I can get 1/2 hour free sessions with some solicitors, but I work full time and I am not near the town centre where the solicitors are to pop in during an extended lunch break. I also haven't really got the funds to pay for a solicitor.

What would you do?
Any advice would be greatly received.

lizboo87 Sun 23-Mar-14 22:02:45

I have two children by my ex who only pays maintenance when it suits him, so I can sympathise with your frustration.
Whatever you do though, don't stop him having contact, I know it's tempting as you can feel like it's the only weapon you have, but it's exactly that, and I'm sure you don't want your kids to become a bargaining tool. They are the only ones who suffer, and it then will allow him to label you as the bad person.
I don't know anything about going to court if the CSA continues to fail at getting him to pay, but if you did choose to see a solicitor you may well qualify for legal aid, so you would get costs paid or partly paid for you. Have you talked to the Citizens Advice Bureaux? I have always found them to be helpful.
Personally I have given up chasing the money, due to him being off sick half the time the CSA worked his contribution to be £17 a week which doesn't even cover what goes into their school lunches so for me it's not worth the hassle even for the principle.
Remember not to lose sight of your morals, even if he has none. Good luck.

Lovemy3kids Mon 24-Mar-14 10:27:04

Thank you lizboo87 - I know you are right and I do not want them to become a bargaining tool but it is very frustrating. I am trying to see the longer picture in that the children will know what he's done in th long run and see him for what he is.......but that won't be for a long time yet!

Unfortunately I do not qualify for legal aid - have already tried this avenue when having to get a solicitor involved before.

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