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Conflicting with myself on this so poisonous much appreciated

(15 Posts)
Atbeckandcall Tue 18-Mar-14 14:47:53


I'll try to be brief and I'm feeling a bit delicate (dd having hospital referrals at the mo) so I be just being very protective.
Anyway my dd is 3 and just delightful (I deserve it, she was a horrid 2 year old wink).
My mum's friend (not a particularly close one) has asked if my dd could be flower girl at her wedding (it's actually a vow renewal but being planned like a wedding).
I initially thought it was odd as she doesn't really have a lot to do with my dd other than seeing her 2-3 times a year at most. Every time she has seen dd though she has been very 'hands on' and even took her away from my mil at a large party (mil doesn't see dd that often).
My DH has always felt that she is too over familiar with dd and me and mum have poopooed it. But, the last time we met she lifted up my dd's t-shirt and vest to tickle her tummy, in a kids soft play place when she just want to go and play??
Yesterday she came to my house so dd could try on her dress and she took over undressing dd (dd had had a shitty day with having blood tests etc so was a bit clingy with me, understandable). I found it a bit weird as I was there, after dd got back into normal clothes she did the tickling thing again even though dd protested. She did stop when I asked dd if she wanted a treat (of course she did), just so she could wriggle out and choose something.
She was then talking about mum dropping her off to get ready with her (I can't go to wedding as it's my best friend's hen do and I'm maid of honour and it was planned weeks ago. This wedding has been planned for a month), and she wanted to tong my dd's hair. I said a firm no, no hot appliances near my dd's skin!
After she left my mum promised she wouldn't let my dd out of her sight before the ceremony as, like me, can't put her finger on it but something seems a bit odd.

I am 100% sure that nothing sinister is going, I just think maybe she hasn't a clue about boundaries. She has a dc her self but they're now an adult.

What do you lovely lot think? Am I being weird about my PFB or is she being too clingy towards my dd?

I will answer any ???s in case I've got myself in a bit of confuddled pickle (probably). Thanks in advance.

Atbeckandcall Tue 18-Mar-14 14:48:14

Bloody hell! Sorry it's so long!!!

Cringechilli Tue 18-Mar-14 14:52:40

Just say no. It isn't worth getting involved with people who present such problems.

Seeline Tue 18-Mar-14 14:54:16

How old is hte lady concerned? IT sounds the sort of thing that an elderly 'granny' might do, but I get hte impression she is probably not that old?

Atbeckandcall Tue 18-Mar-14 15:17:38

Thanks for taking the time to read this and posting.

The lady is in her 40s and because I'm thinking about it, just to highlight my thoughts really. When she's with dd and there are others around, it's like my dd is the only person in the room.

Chells Tue 18-Mar-14 15:21:58

Maybe a major case of 'granny lust' ??!
But I wouldn't blame you for finding it all a bit odd... If you're worried just do NOT leave your little one unattended or out of eyesight of an adult near her.

Seeline Tue 18-Mar-14 15:45:34

Hmm that's my age blush and TBH i wouldn't treat a little one that way unless I knew them really well.
You say her kids are grown up, and as Chells says, it could just be she's either desperate for grandchildren or missing her own (mine are 9 and 12 so a long way off that yet!)
I think you have to go with your gut feeling. I wouldn't let her go to the womans house to get ready, but insist she stays with your Mum all the time. Can you rely on your Mum to keep her with her throughout the event - if not I wouldn't let her go.

Atbeckandcall Tue 18-Mar-14 16:16:45

Her one dc still lives at home and is quite vile to him, always has been (have know this lady a long time).
My DH is going to the wedding but for obvious reasons can't go and get ready with the other females attendants and 'bride'. Mum has promised faithfully she won't let dd out of her sight, and I know she won't. I think I'm also a bit anti her tactile nature because she's a bit grubby and smelly (I'm painting the most awful picture of her but I'm sure her heart is in the right place).

Thank you for all of your responses though, grin

JazzAnnNonMouse Tue 18-Mar-14 17:15:53

It sounds as though she wants a cute flower girl for the pictures and that she's missing little children/ wants grandchildren.
Some people are tactile and lord think all kids love tickles

JazzAnnNonMouse Wed 19-Mar-14 08:33:13


Virtualhaggling Wed 19-Mar-14 08:45:24

Nope. I would not send a 3yr old dc to such a big event without me being there myself in any case. You feel uncomfortable about how 'hands on' this woman is and that should be enough to cancel your df's involvement in the wedding. I dislike it when people get grabby with kids (I a non sinister way) because it totally ignore the child's boundaries.

However, don't let strangers on mn tell you that you are bu or not, listen to your own feelings about it and dont feel obliged to send your dd to this event.

crabb Wed 19-Mar-14 08:54:51

Why the flip do you need a flower girl for a vow renewal? Very strange, but I find the while vow renewal thing strange anyway. And I think your DD is too young to be away from you, with someone who is essentially a stranger. Follow your instincts on this one.

Virtualhaggling Wed 19-Mar-14 09:20:08

Not df obviously, but dd's involvement.

Atbeckandcall Wed 19-Mar-14 17:40:47

I'm quite with you on the whole vow renewal thing too. It's in a hotel with a registrar?!?!
My dd won't be on her own. My mum said she'll stay with her the whole time they are getting ready (obvs DH can go in a room with ladies in varying states of undress).
The ceremony is a 5pm (I know weird) and food at 6ish, DH was going to let dd eat, have a little boogie in the disco as then take her home.
May I ask as to why I wouldn't allow her to go just because I won't be there when her dad, uncle and grandparents will be?

Atbeckandcall Wed 19-Mar-14 17:46:18

Just so you all know, poisonous not welcome but your opinions are!! Stupid phone and fat finger combo!!!!

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