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Other mum causing me big stress. Help please!

(10 Posts)
Corestrategy Tue 04-Mar-14 19:56:26

I'm in an awkward situation. Last week the mum of a friend of DS (7) said would DS like to come to her son's party which would be at an animal farm. I said that it sounded lovely, thanks but DS is going away with his father so could she tell me when the party is. She then said that she had already bought the tickets on Groupon and she could make it at a time to suit and that actually, she was only inviting my DS. So I said OK then. Then she said but the thing is that it is in Sunny Town which is 1.5 hours away from where we live. So I said I would take him (although I was finding it strange by this point). She then asked if I could also drive her and her DS there as she would no longer have her car by then. By this time I was uneasy but she had caught me on the hop so I said OK. I then decided that this was not practical and, in addition, I didn't want to have a day out with her as, for reasons I will explain below, I don't want to encourage a friendship with this lady. I gave her an excuse and said that actually, we couldn't come. She gave me a solution to my excuse, so I said the solution wouldn't work for me, then she thought of another solution and I responded that I still couldn't go. I thought that this was the end of it and now she has thought of another solution which I cannot think of an answer to (basically, she would get someone else who I don't know to drive her, her DS and my DS to the farm). I haven't replied to the message.

The thing is that I do not want my DS to go. She has a very chaotic life involving domestic violence and serious mental health problems. She lost custody of her eldest daughter a long time ago and the father of her son is in and out of prison. She seems to really want her son to be my DS's friend because her son has few friends due to some kind of social communication problem. I don't mind my DS playing with hers but this lady is paranoid and I don't want to be dragged into her paranoid delusions and I feel that she is latching on to me. We have absolutely nothing in common apart from the fact that our children go to the same school. Neither do I want my DS involved in their chaotic life. She has her good points but she has "trouble" all over her. She dislikes all the other mums at school and calls them and their children evil. She put on Facebook that she was hearing voices again (not sure if that was a joke or serious).

How do I deal with this situation? I think I've made enough excuses about this trip but she keeps persisting with solutions. I can hardly say that I just don't want him to go can I? I won't let him go so how do I handle it?

RandomMess Tue 04-Mar-14 20:00:57

"I'm sorry but I don't want ds away for a whole day and certainly not so far away as x." You could sweeten it with her ds coming over for a birthday tea at yours???

itiswhatitiswhatitis Tue 04-Mar-14 20:01:27

Given that you dislike her so much why did accept he initial invite? Either be straight up with her or go back to the original idea of you going too and then decline any further invites.

Stropzilla Tue 04-Mar-14 20:10:51

How about a 3 hour round trip is going to really wipe your son out (I think it would most kids that age) and you'd rather not have him deal with all that travel in one day? On top of a farm visit would he jyst not get iver tired, and being driven by someone he doesn't know might not be fair on him. I know my dd wouldn't like any of that and I could say it knowing it to be the truth. So thanks for the invite but it's really not practical and too far away.

HyvaPaiva Tue 04-Mar-14 20:13:23

she would get someone else who I don't know to drive her, her DS and my DS to the farm

Tell her, quite rightly, that you don't want your son to go on such a long journey in a stranger's car.

Corestrategy Tue 04-Mar-14 20:17:15

itswhatitis I accepted the initial invitation because my son is her son's friend and I thought she was talking about a children's birthday party which it turned out not to be.

I think, the other posters are right, that I should just say that it is too far to go in a stranger's car. Thank you. I know she will not be happy but I will just have to brave it.

Corestrategy Tue 04-Mar-14 20:18:15

I don't actually dislike her, I just don't want to be involved closely with her.

Stropzilla Tue 04-Mar-14 20:20:08

Well she should have spoken to you before she went ahead and bought tickets.

workingtolive Tue 04-Mar-14 20:20:08

If you don't like her and aren't interested in being friends just say no. It is an answer on it's own and requires no explanation. For every solution she offers just say thank you but no.

Corestrategy Tue 04-Mar-14 20:44:20

She bought the tickets on an offer and she can use them any time. She could easily go with someone else. The thing that frustrated me was that she was drip feeding me the details and expected me to take her there. but yes, I should just say "no" and thankfully, I put the question, hypothetically to my DS and he said that he would not want to go in a car on a day out in these circumstances so I would have had to refuse anyway.

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