Changing my life at 34.. Thoughts appreciated...(6 Posts)
I live in SE London with lovely DS (3) and DH. I set up my own business which I established in order to help finance a penniless career in the arts. I have been very lucky as the business took off (it was the right time) in spite of my complete naïveté . I currently juggle my business work alongside the freelance creative projects that I absolutely love and make me feel alive and purposeful as well as being a mum to DS. I'm v lucky as I can - by and large - organise both work schedules around DS.
However recently, the freelance work has become troubled with all sorts of issues and I'm not sure how long I will be able to remain affiliated with the institution I work at.... Though am hopeful that things will settle down and there may be some real long term opportunities there in the future.
My problem is, that I long to move back to the country where we could afford a house rather than a small flat. DS seems to be much more relaxed when we visit family out in the country and seems to expand with the space around him and be much calmer. There is currently a chance for us to go back to the countryside where i grew up (3 hours) from London ...and there's a space waiting for DS at an amazing school where the children get to learn for two days a week in the woods (which really would appeal to my v active,outdoorsy DS). His current choice of schools are ok, but we do live in quite a deprived - and at times intimidating area.
If we moved to the country, I would still be able to keep running my business as I can do it from anywhere, but I would have to give up the creative work that I so love in order to make the move. I fear who I am without this work...what my identity is I suppose without it. Also, my husband would only be with us at weekends (in the short term ...whilst we work out what we are doing). Although family would be close by, I fear a life of loneliness in the country without him around much.
Lastly, not sure if it's relevant, but DS is thirty years my senior. He is at a different stage to me in terms of what he wants out of life..ie to wind down from work rather than to be preoccupied by career progression.I feel every moment is precious with him. At the same time, the pressure is on to become the main breadwinner. My creative work is fairly niche and I would struggle to find work outside of London I think. I'm also unsure how I could sustain our whole family on my business alone.
I do have lots of friends in London, though am sure they would come and visit and that I would meet very nice people in the new place - so this isn't too much of a worry,
.. What would you do?
And Sorry it's a bit long!
And I meant that DH is thirty years my senior not DS... I do get so mixed up with all the shortenings....sorry
I think you should put what you think what would be best for your ds
Can't you reduce your mortgage if you move , less pressure on dh then .
That's true Phoenix - it would be better for DS and yes better for mortgage situation too. V true. Thanks for responding.
"I'm not sure how long I will be able to remain affiliated with the institution I work at..."
Lots of issues going on but the above is what screams at me the most.
You say I was very lucky, I was completely naive... Maybe, and maybe too you are very good at what you do and are very talented in business.
I think a "business" goes through stages and leaps in just the way our kids do, and yours is perhaps due a big one.
If a house is what you want, grow the business and purchase one in London?
Can't help but be reminded of listening to Women's Hour or something like that, as to why women don't seem to aggressively seek the accolades of business achievement.
You could have it all? With financial freedom don't many options open?
Thanks for your extremely insightful post Brices....you are totally right I think about women not always choosing to push forward with regards to business achievement. (You are spot on in fact with regards to me.) You have really made me think about this from a different perspective. Thank you. I am going to try and be courageous in my choices. Really appreciate your thoughts.
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