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Trapped giving lift to school

(84 Posts)
gardenfeature Thu 13-Feb-14 07:06:08

School is a few miles away and students can pay to go on bus or get driven by parents. Back in Yr7 a parent asked me if I could take her DS. We are more acquaintancies rather than close friends. Fast forward to Yr9 and I am stuck with this kid in my car and am beginning to resent it. My DS cannot stand him and moans continually about. He is a dead weight, never says a word and his presence inhibits our natural family conversations. There have been a few instances of him leaving school early and then me waiting for ages for him to turn up because nobody told us or my DS being off school and my DH collecting this kid but not even being thanked by him or him coming out really late after I asked him to be really early - these instances are rare. His mum is always charming and apologetic whenever these instances occur. Even having to turn around my car in the morning to go in the right direction to pick him up is annoying me. They do give minimal petrol money and are always really really grateful. The dad meanwhile is taking other kids to different schools.

I just cannot face telling the mum we don't want to take him anymore as it sounds dreadful and cruel. I am thinking about putting DS on the bus for a term as an excuse and then reverting to lift taking but without telling.


IAmNotDarling Thu 13-Feb-14 07:14:30

I'd go with the bus option for a term.

gardenfeature Thu 13-Feb-14 07:17:34

I don't think I'm going to feel too good driving past the bus stop every day and seeing him standing there waiting for the bus.

pussycatdoll Thu 13-Feb-14 07:17:37

I wouldn't be paying for a bus & making my ds get it just because I didn't have the guts to say no!!

Think of your ds

Just tell the year 9 boy 'I'm sorry our circumstances gave changed & we won't be able to drive you after half term '

Job done

pussycatdoll Thu 13-Feb-14 07:19:07

Your duty is to your child

gardenfeature Thu 13-Feb-14 07:19:08

Crossed post there.... after the bus option I would revert to lift taking and then have to pass him standing at the bus stop (in the pouring rain) unless I set off in a different direction.

pussycatdoll Thu 13-Feb-14 07:20:59

Op don't change your route !!

Honestly I don't get the guilt & angst !

Secondary school kids all get the bus round here

SandStorm Thu 13-Feb-14 07:21:52

I would be putting a year 9 child on the bus regardless unless the cost is extortionate.

claraschu Thu 13-Feb-14 07:23:43

Driving should be faster than taking the bus, so you ought to be able to leave after the bus has picked up the other boy, don't you think?

gardenfeature Thu 13-Feb-14 07:24:33

The cost of bus is extortionate and I have to take DS2 to another school in the same direction.

gardenfeature Thu 13-Feb-14 07:26:12

There are 3 closer schools that this kid could walk to. As my DS says, "why choose a school that you cannot get your kid to?"

HerGraciousMajTheBeardedPotato Thu 13-Feb-14 07:26:47

Surely it's about time the boys were taking more responsibility for their own independence? Why not send your ds by bus and see how it works out for him? Unless of course the bus is outrageously expensive.

HerGraciousMajTheBeardedPotato Thu 13-Feb-14 07:28:00

Could ds1 cycle to school?

mydoorisalwaysopen Thu 13-Feb-14 07:29:25

I would either say it's not working for me and sorry lifts have to stop, or I would say kid had to get to your house by x o' clock and be outside school on time or you go without him. I was in this situation with primary kid and just said it didn't work for me.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Thu 13-Feb-14 07:29:29

It may or may not have been a choice.

But if there is a bus, he can get it. He may have bee too young in year 7 for this to be an option, but year 9 is different.

bishboschone Thu 13-Feb-14 07:31:51

Just tell her you are using the bus for your child and then don't . If you aren't friends then you won't have to see her again will you?

gardenfeature Thu 13-Feb-14 07:33:39

DS wants to cycle but it's just a little too far and the path is very close to a busy road.

There is both a local bus and a private school bus (which is very expensive, especially as I am driving in the same direction for other DS).

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Thu 13-Feb-14 07:35:28

Would you feel better about this arrangement if it was more reciprocal eg you got some babysitting?

happystory Thu 13-Feb-14 07:37:00

I am with pussycatdoll just say you can't do it anymore. It's not as if he is a mate of your ds.

gardenfeature Thu 13-Feb-14 07:37:12

Yes, my initital hope was more of a lift share which is what many parents do. If I cannot collect then they do step up.

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici Thu 13-Feb-14 07:37:20

He's old enough to get a bus. tbh, doesn't sound like he's enjoying your company any more than you're enjoying his. grin Maybe he would even LIKE to get the bus with his mates but his mum makes him take the lift.

Anyway, doesn't matter. You don't want to do it any more and that's ok. Tell her you won't be giving him a lift after X date.

What's the worst that can happen?

someone you barely know and don't give a shit about is miffed with you?

Pumpkin567 Thu 13-Feb-14 07:39:26

What about saying you can't take him as you need to drop your niece off at dc2's school now aNd the car will be full...yes it's a white lie but will get you out of this sticky situation.

CelticPromise Thu 13-Feb-14 07:41:10

You could talk to the Mum about a more reciprocal arrangement. Or could DS cycle one way and leave his bike locked up, and cycle the other way next day? If it's only a bit too far. Or could you suggest the boy walks to yours instead of you collecting him?

I feel for you. I would like to be the person who wouldn't mind this because it sounds very sensible, but really I know I'd hate it!

gardenfeature Thu 13-Feb-14 07:41:21

LOL, yes, I think he hates being in our car and probably cannot stand my DS either! They have nothing in common. I wouldn't mind so much if they were mates and the journey consisted of banter and chit-chat.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Thu 13-Feb-14 07:41:26

Have you asked them if they can do Tuesdays and Thursdays, or something?

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