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would you keep this?

(21 Posts)
ThatVikRinA22 Tue 11-Feb-14 22:53:57

I have a friend who has been and still is like a mum to me. I love her dearly. We met about 15 years ago because we have kids in common....both our boys have special needs and are the same age.
Tragically my friend had a daughter who would have been my age, but she sadly died in childhood.
My friend is amazing and went on to remarry and have her dear boy. She is wonderful and i dote on her, she moved a few years ago but i still make the trip every few weeks to get together with her and i suppose we do some "mother daughter" type things, lunch, shopping, gossip.....

while there recently we were going through a little dish of rings she had on the sideboard, she loves rings and changes them regularly, all dress rings and usually in silver.
Her taste is modern, so while looking through some i picked up a gold band with white stones in, i had been trying them on and she said to try this one, it fit beautifully and she said keep it - she never wears it and its not really to her taste.
i asked if she was sure, and said i would wear it because i loved it. She said she thought it was gold. I said are you sure because it looks like its got diamonds in it - she said she couldnt remember where she got it and it might have even been her mums, but she doesnt wear it so i was welcome to it. I did say that if it turned out to be a family heirloom she knew where it was!

ive cleaned it up with my other rings in vodka, and its come up sparkling. I truly think it may be diamond set. It looks exactly like my other diamond rings (i only ever wear the same few rings, all gold, all diamond) Its like a half eternity ring

should i tell her i think it might be diamonds?
should i take it to a jeweller to find out?
or should i just wear it as i would anyway regardless of whether it is real or fake?
i would never part with it and if she wanted it back i would give it back in a heart beat.
she is really special to me because i dont have a mum and she is missing a dd.....ive never dared presume that she felt the same way, but we are really close and can talk about anything and everything and i can honestly say that i do love her like a mum. She and her boy are the only adults outside the family that i buy for at xmas and birthdays, and we bonded over shared experiences of having our boys with the same condition so we always have a go to someone to moan at when things get rough....

im digressing. should i keep this ring and forget about whether it is diamond or should i get it looked at by a jeweller and if its turns out to be valuable tell her and ask if she wants it back? she must have known if it was her mums that it might be the real thing though surely? and i dont want to offend her....i couldnt afford something worth a fiver today in a shop and she ended up buying it for me....i ended up chasing her trying to give her her fiver back but she walked off shouting "its done, just bloody buy it!" (in a nice way - not a grumpy way!)

ive never had anyone give me anything like this before and im not sure how to react - accept gracefully and forget it or find out if its real diamond and tell her?


AgentProvocateur Tue 11-Feb-14 22:56:27

Accept gracefully. She wanted you to have it.. I'm sure it's value to you is worth more than diamonds, so it doesn't matter if it's worth £5 or £5,000.

Sparklingbrook Tue 11-Feb-14 22:57:56

I would get it valued and if it turns out to be worth £££s give it her back saying you couldn't possibly accept it-and maybe swap it for another ring?

iheartdusty Tue 11-Feb-14 22:58:26

yes I agree with AP.

it is her decision to make.

RudyMentary Tue 11-Feb-14 22:59:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LastOneDancing Tue 11-Feb-14 22:59:48

Accept and enjoy in the spirit in which it was given. A gift between close friends. She wants you to have it.

If you were getting it valued and planning to cash in, it would be a different story.

Sparklingbrook Tue 11-Feb-14 23:00:06

If it is worth £££s I wouldn't dare to wear it in case I lost it.

RudyMentary Tue 11-Feb-14 23:08:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThatVikRinA22 Tue 11-Feb-14 23:13:53

i dont think it will be worth £££££

but it could be worth a few hundred maybe - its got 6 stones, all
the same size, not huge, but pretty and not tiny either.

i wouldnt part with it no matter whether its CZ or the real deal.

ThatVikRinA22 Tue 11-Feb-14 23:15:09

oh and the condition was that i wear it....

i wear all my rings. i dont wear fashion rings.

Sparklingbrook Tue 11-Feb-14 23:15:22

I think personally If it was worth a few hundred I wouldn't want the responsibility of owning it IYKWIM. But that's just me.

gamerchick Tue 11-Feb-14 23:19:15

maybe she knows and feels about you the same way you feel about her.. and didn't want the whole 'this was my mothers I want you to have it' conversation.

Wear it and treasure it as the relationship obviously means a lot to you and think no more about it.

StuckOnARollercoaster Tue 11-Feb-14 23:23:44

Accept gracefully...
But I would add it onto your household insurance as a named item and assume that they are diamonds.
But most importantly - enjoy wearing it!

ToBeSure Tue 11-Feb-14 23:26:42

I would just give it back and say that you have changed your mind about it.
I wouldn't want a friend to give me something very valuable, It would seem odd.

ThatVikRinA22 Tue 11-Feb-14 23:41:16

she isnt that sort of friend tobesure she is 30 years older than me and our relationship is more mother/daughter than "friend" pretty sure if i gave it back saying id changed my mind she would be offended.

she doesnt have a dd to pass it to, so i thought maybe it was what she wanted....
she wont wear it and if it fits me then it wont fit her....aside from that its really not to her taste at all.....

she wouldnt want me fussing about it, she is not remotely materialistic (nor am i as it happens but i do love the ring, i cant see a hallmark so it could quite feasibly be CZ....)

i just thought that morally i might have an obligation to tell her if its diamond....but then she would also know that to find that out id have had to have it looked at and that probably wouldnt please her much either....)

am tempted to just wear it because i love it and its pretty. and she knows if she ever wants it back where it is. on my finger...

starfishmummy Wed 12-Feb-14 10:59:54

She seemed to genuinely want you to have it.

I suspect that she probably knows if it is real stones or not but says she didn't because you would probably have said no if she had told you.

Keep it and wear it. Tell her that you love.wearing it but that if she ever wants it back then she just has to say.

FernieB Thu 13-Feb-14 16:41:20

She wanted you to have it and enjoy wearing it so that is exactly what I would do. I wouldn't get it valued because really the monetary value is irrelevant and knowing it's value may spoil the joy of the gift. If you wear it and lose it, you would be more upset about losing her gift than losing something that may be valuable.

The rings real value is that your friend gave it to you and that is all that matters.

sykadelic15 Sun 16-Feb-14 19:14:35

I wouldn't get it valued... it's like looking up the cost of a present that someone gives you... a bit tacky.

Just wear it and enjoy it. The only way I'd get it valued is for insurance purposes and I'd ask her first.

GoodnessKnows Sun 16-Feb-14 20:04:24

Go and get it checked by reputable jeweller (no one else). Then tell her. It's not for you to decide if it IS valuable.

ThatVikRinA22 Sun 16-Feb-14 20:07:07

i did that on friday goodnessknows and its not real. it looks nice though and is a good fake so going to wear it - if it had been valuable i would have told her. its not.
at least i can wear it without worry!

RandomMess Sun 16-Feb-14 20:07:41

Wear it and enjoy it smile

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